Moved home and hate it - want to move back!

[Jogalog]

3 months ago I moved home with my husband and 2 children. I pushed for the move - wanted a bigger house in a ‘nicer’ village. Husband went along with it to keep me happy but really wanted to stay where we were. Move was delayed due to lockdown and I found it very stressful wondering if the chai would collapse - but I was so relieved that it didn’t! And so we moved....first day in the house I thought we’d made a massive mistake. Removal men were still unpacking and I went to the bottom of the garden and cried my eyes out. And I’ve done that every day since. Realise I really really miss my old house, village and neighbours- and I guess the feeling of security and familiarisation. And the max thing is we’ve only moved 3 miles! Spoken to loads of people and they say give it time - but I just want to move back NOW! Even if I lose some money on the house. The thought of staying here for even a year fills me with absolute dread and sadness. Anyone else gone through this and either stuck it out or moved back?

Sorry but you are being a bit ridiculous. You left a much loved house after 20 years so I assume that there were some push factors- eg you’d outgrown the house etc, and some pull factors eg more space , that are still there. You are only a small distance away so can still socialise with the same people and go out to the same places and shop at the same stores.

If you can’t afford to do any massive changes to your new house then can you really afford to move again so quickly with all the costs that involves?

And you haven’t really said how your family feel about this?

You know you can’t get your old house back so if you moved back to your old village you might end up with a house you dislike even more than this one. And depending on house prices in your area maybe just several thousand pounds poorer, maybe many, many thousands of pounds poorer,( l live in the SE and to move from this house to a similar sized one three miles away would cost a minimum of £40,000 in EA commission, legal fees and reduced stamp duty). And your children will be unsettled and upset.

Pull up your big girl pants, take the money you could waste on moving again and start making this property your home. Put up higher fences, plant hedges, refit your kitchen, brighten up the bedroom.

And choose more positive language so your bedroom isn’t a tomb - it’s cosy You didn’t crash your car - you banged it. That could happen in the most spacious of drives if it’s unfamiliar.

i think you need some therapy

you cant stalk people begging them to move its ridiculous

you need time to settle in and sort out why you feel like this

Sorry you feel so unhappy, moving is a big thing, it can take time, so try not to panic and feel you have made a mistake.

It’s easy to look back with rose tinted glasses but you must have wanted to move for very valid reasons, otherwise you never would have sold.

Try to focus on the elements that attracted you to the house & village initially, give yourself 6 mths to settle if you still feel unhappy then move. You may well find yourself in a much calmer space by then. Covid is probably a lot to do with it as a previous poster said.

Wishing you all the very best OP.

I have tried to get the old house back! Wrote to the new owners offering them a nice profit if they would sell back! No reply

I’m not surprised they didn’t reply - I’d HATE it if the old owners contacted me wanting ‘their’ house back.

OP you honestly don’t sound well. Your kids see you cry every day because you don’t like the bigger house you chose to move to near your old house? I genuinely, compassionately recommend therapy.

A family moved in next door to us years ago. I could hear the 3yr old through the wall howling "I want to go hooome". It's a natural feeling and it passes.

Do your children like the new house? I'm really sorry you aren't happy in your new home, but they are more important here. You are acting rather poorly, probably.just because of the stress of moving etc, but you must focus on the positives. Why did you buy the house? What are the things that sold it to you? How can you focus on enjoying those things?

Your situation sounds bad for everyone, perhaps as others have suggested a GP visit might be a good idea.Either way though, it will not change the fact that you aren't going back to your old home, it will have to remain a happy memory.

I moved house about a year ago and felt exactly the same.

Absolutely hated it (despite it being a bigger house in a much better location). Missed my lovely old neighbours (who are definitely nicer than our current neighbours but you can't win them all). Cried a lot, wished we had never moved and hated the new house.

A year later and you couldn't pay me enough to move back. We bought a fixer upper and are slowly but surely making it ours.

It's nowhere near finished (three rooms still need a total overhaul) but it's very much starting to feel like home now.

It will get better op just give it time.

Moving house is so so stressful and such a massive upheaval, some regret is pretty common. But change is better than cold comfort.

3 miles?? Yeah, you need to give it time! I thought you meant you'd moved across the globe. I think you are over-reacting big time.

Of course it doesn't 'feel like home' - you just moved in. It's a blank canvas. It sounds like you have some funds to make changes (offering to buy your old house back for more) so get going with a list of what you want to change and start making it your new home.
Also find the local fb group or community hub and meet some more of your new neighbours.

Could you treat this as a project, Jogalog? Put your energy into fixing all the fixable problems, do the place up beautifully, and if you still want to move you could put it on the market later, for a higher price. This would be a difficult time to sell because no one knows what's happening.
Good luck.

I'm wondering if this isn't just about the house. You pushed for something you thought would be perfect. It isn't. Maybe something a bit deeper going on here?

But I really don’t want to waste any more time being this unhappy when I could move back and be happy again! But you wouldn't be happy again. You'd start feeling the things that had made you want to move in the first place, you'd feel guilty about the double upheaval to your family, you'd start forgetting the bad things about the new house and remember the good things ... and, remember, you can't get your old house back as the new owners don't want to sell, so you would be in yet another now house. Within 3 months you'd be posting to MN again about how you should have never tried to go back.

Stop saying to yourself "I could go back" and start putting your energies into what you need to do to make your new house liveable.

@Intrepidintrovert

I have tried to get the old house back! Wrote to the new owners offering them a nice profit if they would sell back! No reply

I’m not surprised they didn’t reply - I’d HATE it if the old owners contacted me wanting ‘their’ house back.

OP you honestly don’t sound well. Your kids see you cry every day because you don’t like the bigger house you chose to move to near your old house? I genuinely, compassionately recommend therapy.

I agree with this, OP, and tbh I think the PP said the pushing to move and now the sending pleading notes to new owners/neighbours sounds manic is onto something.

This aside, I'm wondering whether moving is particularly fraught atm because of how uncertain everything is/has been in general. This may well be playing into it.

I still think you need to find out what's going on at a deeper level before putting your family and yourself through any more upheaval.

Agree that you can't have been happy in the old house so forget about that, it's a red herring. You were so dissatisfied there that you made this happen. I can't help thinking that it must be something other than the houses involved. Seems like the anticipation and stress of moving kept you going for a while and now it's all over and life is just going on there's a kind of comedown. Maybe you need some other project to occupy you. Because going back to the house is definitely not the solution.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

Could you treat this as a project, Jogalog? Put your energy into fixing all the fixable problems, do the place up beautifully, and if you still want to move you could put it on the market later, for a higher price. This would be a difficult time to sell because no one knows what's happening. Good luck.

I’ve tried thinking about it as a project - and we’re having some work done in the next couple of weeks. But usually I would take on a few projects myself but just don’t have the energy enthusiasm or motivation. And the housing market round here (Semi rural north west) Is mad at the moment - things selling faster than I’ve ever known - so may in fact be a fairly good time to sell...,and in fact someone made us an offer 2 months after we moved in, for more than we paid, which would have covered all our fees. I felt so relieved! But unfortunately they pulled out a few weeks later.

And I agree with all the posters who think I need therapy/ gp help. I am undergoing therapy and have been prescribed drugs. Can’t say I feel much improvement. And although I sound completely irrational and a bit mad (writing letters offering to buy back old house), I’m actually (when functioning correctly) quite a clever analytical person 😋 and these extremes of thoughts and actions are not ‘normal’ for me. I’ve even considered getting an exorcist round to the house...but sometimes what goes on in people’s heads is not rational or analytical. But it still makes you feel absolutely crap

Your old house is gone. Not really fair to contact the new owners like that IMO. Think of it as a project - how nice can you make the new place in a couple of years. Two years later if you still want to move then you'll know the mistakes to avoid next time. For now look on the bright side and also focus on work, hobbies, family, not househousehouse. At the end of the day a house is just a machine for living in.

It has taken me three years to feel at home in our new place. We left my dream house, a Georgian property in a town centre, to live in a new build on a small holding in the middle of nowhere. We did a lot of work to the house, so much that silly little unfinished jobs started building up and it was depressing. But three years on, we have a yard built for our ponies so winter is easier on all of us, fencing is mended, the fields are in good order and my DD18 badgered me into getting the DIY done, rolling up her sleeves and working her ass off alongside me to get things done. It has really come together and I finally walk into rooms and smile and think, "I love this room". My heart finally lifts when I turn onto my driveway. I still dream I live in my old house from time to time but we are all much happier now and the kids say it is the best place we have ever lived (we've moved a lot). And I moved a seven hour drive away from my old friends and neighbours! Before that, I moved country! Give it time, OP, it is a common feeling. I noticed that the people who sold us our house felt the same way for a little while. It's hard, after the new, shiny feeling wears off of buying a house, to start making it into your home.

A lot of the things you hate about the house are fixable, especially as it sounds like you could afford to lose some money selling and buying again so could possibly afford some work on the new house instead?

Kitchen can be done up and you can make it work even better for you.
Look into catproofing your garden to keep the cats safe - Sanctuary SOS and ProtectaPet both do fence-top and freestanding systems that will mean they can safely spend time in their own garden but not get to the busy road.
Bedroom can be redecorated - a bit of paint will brighten it up! Buy a few bits to make it really lovely - new blankets for winter, some art prints for the wall, a new plant or two.

Also, as someone who has moved lots (even from one country to another) I would say the "perfect" home doesn't exist. Even more so, you can't move away from what is inside your head and it does sound like you may be struggling with something else here and not just the house.

I’ve had this with each house move (and there have been many!) all different areas so having to get used to a new place and routine. I considered moving home but knew deep down it would be a mistake for various reasons and my gut was proven right so I have stayed put. I never move back to a previous area I left, to avoid these wobbles.
It’s normal to panic and wonder if you made the right choice at first, but give it time now you are there. You moved there for a reason, remember those reasons and give yourself a chance to settle in before making anymore decisions. Each home I’ve settled in fine after a month or so, you learn to adjust and make it your own.
If it turns out to be a mistake you still have the option of moving again one day, it may even turn out to be your forever home.

I feel sorry for your DH, you seem like hard work

Yup. I moved 500 yards from a rented house to one we finally bought. I hated it for months until such time as we completely renovated it. It is much nicer now, arguably one of the best in the area. I've learned to like it. But after seven years I still love that old rented house and would move back to it in a second if it ever came on the market. But we couldn't afford to rent forever.

I am sorry. I think I would up sticks and leave as soon as I could. A new home regardless of its condition should be exciting. It sounds like you are having a gut reaction

I think you need to stop thinking about going backwards and concentrate on going forwards.

Think about how you can achieve more privacy, think about how you can improve the parking, how you can improve the kitchen and the bedroom. How much time do you spend in the bedroom in daylight.

Changes to decor etc make a massive difference. This is along the lines of think of 3 things you are thankful for today, you need to find the positives and remind yourself of why you didn't want to stay in the old house.