To think it's normal to move house to get your DC into a better school?

[HighbrowLowbrow]

TLDR: AIBU to expect DH to move house even though he likes it because local schools are not good and we can afford to live somewhere much better?

DS is nearly 2. We live in an area where the schools are mediocre (the local infants and juniors are both "requires improvement" on Ofsted, one was in special measures a few years ago although it has improved a bit) and there are anti-social issues with some of the local kids. I'm a bit annoyed living here anyway because it's miles from anywhere with poor amenities and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses. The secondary schools are also currently poor and DH's friend sends his kids about an hour away by bus to get to a half-decent one.

We can just about afford a house of a similar size, a mile from where I work, in a well-to-do area within the catchment area of what is generally considered one of the best primary schools in our city and also one of the top secondary schools (although I do realise a lot can change between now and the time DS goes to secondary school).

DH acts like I'm being incredibly unreasonable and snobbish in wanting to move. He says he likes this area and can't see my problem. I don't know if part of the problem is that I'm very middle class with high aspirations (2 first class degrees, fairly high earning lawyer) and DH is from a very working class family with low expectations (no degree, was unemployed for a couple of years prior to becoming a SAHD).

How do we resolve this? AIBU to expect DH to move for the sake of me and DS? DH just seems to think that what we have is good enough and I should just live with it. I want to give DS the best I can and it would also be nice to have a nicer commute to work when things are more back to normal.

DH doesn't really have any good objections to posher area other than it's a bit hilly, we wouldn't have a car parking space (neither of us drive and I never will be able to due to medical reasons) and the houses that I like are currently going for up to around £500,000 which he thinks is too expensive even though we have lots of equity and that would be within the amount that we could get on a mortgage. He also likes our current house as it has a nice modern kitchen and good sound proofing. I am frustrated because I can always earn enough to make a bad house in a nice location better, but I can't pick up this house and change its location.

I'm also worried that DH might eventually come around to my point of view but I don't have the luxury of waiting around to let him see the error of his ways. He previously kept insisting that we should stay in our upstairs flat rather than buying a house before having a baby (which would have been completely impossible with a pram) and now admits I was absolutely right to force him to move. I want to move before DS starts school if we are going to do it so that there is less impact on DS.

and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses

It’s a long time since I’ve seen someone jump the shark so blatantly in their first paragraph.

In real life I dont know a single person that would move to be closer to a "good " school, especially primary. I also know plenty of children who have got top grades from all the schools in and about our location.

and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses

It’s a long time since I’ve seen someone jump the shark so blatantly in their first paragraph.

They are really ugly looking buildings - I'm not saying anything about the occupants. The house we live in has an upstairs living room and all I can see is the roof of the house behind us. It's not a nice view. I'd post a photo but it might be outing.

It's not normal because most people can't afford the luxury of moving house to a more affluent area.

You sound like a pretty unpleasant person, and clearly think yourself superior to everyone else. Maybe you move and leave husband and son where they are?

You can move to wherever you want. As long as that’s your actual address and you live there when you apply, then you’ll be in the catchment for the school you want.
Nobody can tell you you’re not allowed to move.

Very common round here. People move the year before school applications in order to qualify. I know loads of people who did that. It's definitely worth putting some thought into if you want to get into the school of your choice. There are of course no guarantees but you can look at the catchment sizes from the most recent three years (where we are anyway) and make sure you move well within that.

Well I did and so did my siblings and my friends

It's certainly done. I wouldn't call it normal because most people can't afford it.

OP, id ignore early posters.

Yes absolutely normal in my circles. Aspirations and wanting best for your child is important. Why else do people send kids to private school?

God, OP, it must be terrible to have married down to a man with none of your education, high aspirations or determination to use your sharp-middle-class elbows to wangle your children into the kind of education you think will make them follow their mother rather than their father.

For what it's worth, I'm from a very working-class background, have multiple postgraduate degrees and work in a traditionally middle-class profession, lived in a London flat with stairs, which I managed with a pram when I had a baby, and would never dream of moving area because of OFSTED ratings. DS is at a small, inner-city school with a nice ethos and a wide socio-economic spectrum of children and abilities.

Lots of people choose their house based on schools. It’s why they often mention catchment of local schools on estate agent brochures.

Why else do people send kids to private school?

Social class anxiety. How else will little Frederica Make Nice Friends?

Perhaps put a big sign in your garden telling the council house residents that you've got two first class degrees? They can all aspire to your middle class ways and that will improve the educational standards in the area too.

I thought lots of people did this? They certainly do where I live. Cheaper than private school too.

I wonder if he's worried he won't fit into a 'posher' area as a SAHD?

It's a difficult one, my DC1 started school this year and I'd now absolutely without a doubt be with you and move to escape a bad school. Part of the reason I'd be more set on moving is wanting a school where DC1 thrives rather than one where he is ignored as they are so focused on those in more need they don't have any time or attention left for anybody else. Why are the schools round you bad, are there issues with things like bullying that your DH might be more understanding of?

I know it's a bit late but is this not the kind of big parenting things you talk about before starting a family? Apologies if ds wasn't planned and you didn't have a chance to discuss this stuff.

We moved out of the flat a year before trying for DS to this house. To be honest, I didn't research the schools or the area enough as I was just really happy that I'd got DH to give up the flat and thought we could always move before school started when we could afford something better (which is actually a good plan as we've paid off over £50k on the mortgage since we started here and I've got a promotion which is why we can afford something much better now). I'm sure at the time I did mention to DH that we might want to move again in a few years, but I don't think we discussed in depth.

We moved here mainly because it was convenient for DH's work. It's a pain to get to my work and DH lost his job just after we moved in. I really don't understand why he wants us to stay other than that he found moving stressful. I've said we could even pay to have movers come in and pack up all our stuff and even stay in rented accommodation to make it easier if needed, but he's refusing so far.

It sounds like you have reasons beyond the schools anyway. The lack of amenities alone would be motivation

Loads of people do this. Most people I know moved with primary schools in mind.

RedHelenB

In real life I dont know a single person that would move to be closer to a "good " school, especially primary. I also know plenty of children who have got top grades from all the schools in and about our location.

My S&BiL had a lovely house but the local state secondary had a terrible reputation.
Their neighbours tended to send their children to private schools but in-laws couldn't afford to send three children.
They moved even though they hated leaving their original house and the lovely garden they'd created.
They did use the local state primary near their original house, though.

We recently bought a house and 'In catchment for X school' was the first line of the advert (and a major reason we bought it). Of course lots of people who have the option to do this do so.

god forbid you have to live near a council estate you do sound snobby imo. nobody i know would move houses just to get into a catchment area with a better school - and especially not primary school.

Definitely the done thing where we are. If you’re in a bad catchment (even if it’s a nice area), then you either move or go private.

@HighbrowLowbrow I don't mean the physical semantics of moving but discussing important values like education, religion etc. Making sure you have similar values with regards to work ethic etc. Otherwise there could be more very important sticking points with regards to your child's upbringing.

I would move OP. Normal in our circles too. In fact, most of us looked at the school catchments because deciding where to buy. If you have the luxury of choosing where to live, and education is important to you, it's a no brainer really.

Could your DH be anxious about not fitting into the new area hence his reservation?