To think it's normal to move house to get your DC into a better school?

[HighbrowLowbrow]

TLDR: AIBU to expect DH to move house even though he likes it because local schools are not good and we can afford to live somewhere much better?

DS is nearly 2. We live in an area where the schools are mediocre (the local infants and juniors are both "requires improvement" on Ofsted, one was in special measures a few years ago although it has improved a bit) and there are anti-social issues with some of the local kids. I'm a bit annoyed living here anyway because it's miles from anywhere with poor amenities and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses. The secondary schools are also currently poor and DH's friend sends his kids about an hour away by bus to get to a half-decent one.

We can just about afford a house of a similar size, a mile from where I work, in a well-to-do area within the catchment area of what is generally considered one of the best primary schools in our city and also one of the top secondary schools (although I do realise a lot can change between now and the time DS goes to secondary school).

DH acts like I'm being incredibly unreasonable and snobbish in wanting to move. He says he likes this area and can't see my problem. I don't know if part of the problem is that I'm very middle class with high aspirations (2 first class degrees, fairly high earning lawyer) and DH is from a very working class family with low expectations (no degree, was unemployed for a couple of years prior to becoming a SAHD).

How do we resolve this? AIBU to expect DH to move for the sake of me and DS? DH just seems to think that what we have is good enough and I should just live with it. I want to give DS the best I can and it would also be nice to have a nicer commute to work when things are more back to normal.

DH doesn't really have any good objections to posher area other than it's a bit hilly, we wouldn't have a car parking space (neither of us drive and I never will be able to due to medical reasons) and the houses that I like are currently going for up to around £500,000 which he thinks is too expensive even though we have lots of equity and that would be within the amount that we could get on a mortgage. He also likes our current house as it has a nice modern kitchen and good sound proofing. I am frustrated because I can always earn enough to make a bad house in a nice location better, but I can't pick up this house and change its location.

I'm also worried that DH might eventually come around to my point of view but I don't have the luxury of waiting around to let him see the error of his ways. He previously kept insisting that we should stay in our upstairs flat rather than buying a house before having a baby (which would have been completely impossible with a pram) and now admits I was absolutely right to force him to move. I want to move before DS starts school if we are going to do it so that there is less impact on DS.

He’s a grown man, an equal partner @Spinakker. OP can’t ‘force’ him to do anything though, despite my previous post, I would continue to try to persuade him for my child’s sake if the local schools are really that bad.

My choice of housing has definitely been based on schools. I moved into one area for its Primary school and again for the secondary school. When I have no children in school I totally may move again. I have only lived in 3 houses in 30 years but schools were a big consideration in the second two moves.

We are looking to move to ger closer to good schools and also be closer to my work. Its not the done thing where I live either but I'd like to give my child a better start than what I had

You know, I went to public school and DH went to a notoriously "dodgy" state school. DH is the one with strong friendships from school. We have the same level of education. And he earns more than me. School isn't just about league tables. I used to think that of course I'd move for a better school but not now. Also a family member considered this for primary and was told by a teacher it was a waste of time though she could justify it for secondary.

100% move. If you have the means to do it and the draw of better schools and amenities and closer to work, move.

I thought this was completely normal. My dad helped my mum financially to move hour before I got secondary age - they were divorced - because it was an hour and a half by train to the nearest grammar so they wanted us in an excellent standard school instead. My dad and my stepmum moved a lot due to my dad’s job, but they always had grammar catchment on their house buying list. DP and I have limited ourselves to two villages for our house move due to a combination of primary (for wraparound services) and secondary catchment.

Maybe it’s more normal in areas with the grammar system?

For a lot of people it isn’t possible but for all the people I know that can afford it their housing choice has been based entirely in schools.
I know people who have rented a sexo d house for 2 years just to get their child into a very good secondsry stage school - still cheaper than private.
House prices reflect school catchments for a reason.. that’s because people do make decisions based on that.

It was my top priority. No good even considering the dream house if it is in the wrong catchment area. I would move.

Agree, the town we discounted was actually really lovely but the only secondaries were a huge 10 form entry and an academy that bordered a rough area. We didn't have any idea whether we'd be able to pay for private when the time came and weren't keen on a long journey to school so it was a no.

Op your getting a ridiculous response on here.

I moved to make sure I got my kids into a good primary and ultimately secondary school.
I tooth my thumb at anyone who thinks this desire makes you a snob!

I want the best I can provide for my children. We don't have much money so private isn't an option.

I have even moved my eldest to a better primary school (infants to juniors move) for this academic year which will make sure he gets into the secondary I want as it is a feeder school for them. My you get DC then automatically got a place at in reception at the same school.

Don't be ashamed of striving for better. It seems for some on this thread it's a race to the bottom.

I do know of two families who have done this to get the school they want.

It sounds pretty normal in my area. Two of my neighbours moved with their 2 year olds to better catchment. I have a similar discussions with my husband as the catchment to secondary is changing but the primary is very good so we stay for the time being. The Primary catchment doesn't matter that much as most will produce similar results across schools. Those in need of improvement have usually extra funding so might benefit from that. Secondary catchment is more important.

what possible benefit could it be for a child to be in a class with half the kids behind academically?
So sad to assume that a poor Ofsted report means kids are behind compared to those going to an outstanding school. Won't even comment on the correlation with the school being in a council estate.

It's reading threads like this that makes me jubilate when I read that the primary school that got a required improvement actually got better SATS results than the outstanding one in my area.

Well you dropped a bollock when buying that house then, if the area is such a shit pit. I'd have thought as a highly educated person, you'd have put in the legwork researching the area.

I thought it didn't matter that much because we could always move before school starts. We were buying well under our budget and thought it would give us a few years of easily meeting the mortgage payments whilst DS is little (meaning we still have surplus money and have made loads of overpayments even with me working part-time). I did mention this to DH at the time that we were moving, but he now says he didn't anticipate how stressful the move would be and now never wants to move again. He now says he thinks it's weird for people to move if they already own a big enough house, like the property ladder isn't a thing? I feel like he's being unfair - if I knew that we were only allowed to move once then I would have bought the nicest house we could at the top end of our budget.

I also thought it would also be nice for DH to have an easy commute to his work (which he now no longer has) for a few years. even though it wasn't great for me. Should I never compromise again?

We've just done it, doubled our mortgage and then some (we had a tiny starter home to begin with that was cheap!). We've moved to an area with 3 excellent primaries and an outstanding secondary. Absolutely the best choice for us and the neighbourhood generally is safe & reasonably affluent.

I'd move and I know plenty of others who have done so. A better school gives better life chances from the outset.

OP, of course move if you can! Why wouldn’t you? Take no notice of DH, he’ll be gone once you’re there. Sounds like he doesn’t want the hassle.

Another option - how much will it be in stamp duty, extra deposit / mortgage payments and other costs for this move? When you add it all up, it may actually be cheaper to use the money to send him to an independent school, if there is one locally? This is what happens all the time in the part of London I’m in - it costs so much in stamp to move into a good catchment area, it’s cheaper to go private.

Sorry - your DH will be fine once you’re there (hopefully not gone)!

Round here everyone seems to move just for schools. We didn't have a clue when we bought our house 10 yrs ago but one moved from up north after her wedding researched all the schools in the area and the catchment and moved there just for the school.

To be fair, your DH would drive me insane.

I think this thread has shown those that have the money, do it and those that don't can't.

We've yet to have anyone who've said, I could afford to move but decided againt as we felt little Jonny needed the rich mix of society as part of his education.

It does stink for those who cant afford to move, this it the stark reality of life chances. You have the means, so you should.

Mabe DH is concerned he won't be able to freeload so much once the mortgage payments go up?

So sad to assume that a poor Ofsted report means kids are behind compared to those going to an outstanding school

We’re in Wales so it Estyn here but it’s the Welsh equivalent of Ofsted. I agree that it’s not always about the ultimate school rating IME. But there’s a lot more in the reports than ‘just’ the rating to base your decision on.

The school in the area we moved from was rated Excellent, the same as the one we moved to.

But GCSE results don’t lie...and the old school had 55% of Y11 pupils gaining 5 A* - C GCSE’s with no real mention about further education past the basics.
New school consistently has over 90% with a published list of the % of pupils that go on to FE and where (99 %, lots of RG uni’s, lots of Oxbridge etc).

It’s silly to pretend that all schools are equal. It’s unfair, but it’s just not true.

My brother deliberately bought a house where the schools are classed as outstanding. Our local primary school is good. It happens.

It's totally reasonable to move to be closer to your office if you commute daily and he is going to be a sahd for the unforseen a sahd longer term. Or is it the intention he will be going back to his job when your child is at school and he doesn't want the commute?

If I didn't live in a place (not in UK) where there were already lots of excellent state secondary schools, then I would move or be prepared to do a lot of driving. To me, having had an appalling education myself, and suffered horrendous bullying throughout secondary, schooling is one of our top prioritiies as parents. It's not so much the academic results per se, it's more about them being among classmates and groups of friends who behave well, (peer pressure is strong during adolescence) and where academic cleverness and effort is encouraged not ridiculed.