To think it's normal to move house to get your DC into a better school?

[HighbrowLowbrow]

TLDR: AIBU to expect DH to move house even though he likes it because local schools are not good and we can afford to live somewhere much better?

DS is nearly 2. We live in an area where the schools are mediocre (the local infants and juniors are both "requires improvement" on Ofsted, one was in special measures a few years ago although it has improved a bit) and there are anti-social issues with some of the local kids. I'm a bit annoyed living here anyway because it's miles from anywhere with poor amenities and our house backs out onto a council estate with ugly houses. The secondary schools are also currently poor and DH's friend sends his kids about an hour away by bus to get to a half-decent one.

We can just about afford a house of a similar size, a mile from where I work, in a well-to-do area within the catchment area of what is generally considered one of the best primary schools in our city and also one of the top secondary schools (although I do realise a lot can change between now and the time DS goes to secondary school).

DH acts like I'm being incredibly unreasonable and snobbish in wanting to move. He says he likes this area and can't see my problem. I don't know if part of the problem is that I'm very middle class with high aspirations (2 first class degrees, fairly high earning lawyer) and DH is from a very working class family with low expectations (no degree, was unemployed for a couple of years prior to becoming a SAHD).

How do we resolve this? AIBU to expect DH to move for the sake of me and DS? DH just seems to think that what we have is good enough and I should just live with it. I want to give DS the best I can and it would also be nice to have a nicer commute to work when things are more back to normal.

DH doesn't really have any good objections to posher area other than it's a bit hilly, we wouldn't have a car parking space (neither of us drive and I never will be able to due to medical reasons) and the houses that I like are currently going for up to around £500,000 which he thinks is too expensive even though we have lots of equity and that would be within the amount that we could get on a mortgage. He also likes our current house as it has a nice modern kitchen and good sound proofing. I am frustrated because I can always earn enough to make a bad house in a nice location better, but I can't pick up this house and change its location.

I'm also worried that DH might eventually come around to my point of view but I don't have the luxury of waiting around to let him see the error of his ways. He previously kept insisting that we should stay in our upstairs flat rather than buying a house before having a baby (which would have been completely impossible with a pram) and now admits I was absolutely right to force him to move. I want to move before DS starts school if we are going to do it so that there is less impact on DS.

I don't see why moving for schools is such an outrageous idea. When we bought our house we completely discounted an area with no good options for secondary school.

I think the responses here show what it is op!

If you can afford it then yes of course you move. Just like you'd use private school (generally if you can). A lot of people don't have that option.

We did it and so did lots of people I know. It's very common

100% I would move. Currently in catchment for a good primary but requires improvement secondary school so hope to move before DC starts secondary.

Hang on, if you are the one going out to work and the new place is closer to your work AND a better school, why the hell does he get to dictate staying put? You are the one commuting!?

Ofsted is really rubbish in my opinion. The ratings can be based on random stuff that wouldn't bother you. Have a read of the reports as you'll be surprised.
I wanted my dc to attend the outstanding primary that is supposed to be the best school around for miles and miles. Eldest went to the nursery and it was actually rubbish. No communication, teacher was always off, the head was outwardly racist, basically there was nothing outstanding about it. Dc now go to a 'requires improvement' school near by and it is wonderful. The teachers really care about each child, it's nurturing and the teaching is amazing, they have put loads of effort into extra support with children who require it and have loads of events etc etc it's quickly becoming the most popular school around.
Don't just move because of a schools Ofsted as you never know.
I'd move if I wanted a better area because of crime or anti social behaviour for example but not because of the school. Also if dh is a sahd he probably has links where you are and might worry about being isolated in the new town.

Oh dear, OP, you’re in for a pounding.
It’s entirely normal where I live, for people to move for catchments. People generally do it in primary school, so that they’re in the correct feeder school for the desired secondary. You have the benefit of the uplift that other similarly academically focused families give to the school.
You see it all the time- schools improve and get a good reputation, therefore attracting more studious types, and the school’s attainment rises.
Do you think your husband feels defensive? You are the more successful, academically, and he is basically saying “I turned out ok, you’re criticising my background”?
I think you should persist, do your best for your child. I think, in this instance, you are in the right. You will, unfortunately, have your arse handed to you by the offended of MN.

The fact that you have two degrees, are a lawyer and have high aspirations is totally irrelevant, surely, and I can't really understand why you feel the need to impart this information. Also your rather sneery description of your husband makes it sound as if you despise him.
I am sure that if you feel you need to move, you will do so, after all you have plenty of time to discuss it. Sometimes you just have to plant the idea and let it grow.

Our DS didn't get into the nearby primary as it is basically a lottery system due to demand and we lived 3 streets away. Are you sure your child would even get in? Is it guaranteed?? If so, go for it. Many people buy houses to be in the area for a particular school. Consider though that it is only primary school, your DH is likely to be bringing him there and back and doing all the homework if he's the stay at home parent. Should he not get more of a say in this?

The reason why houses in the catchment areas of good school are more expensive is because lots of people do this. It isn't a secret.

Tbh if you both don’t drive and you live in an area with poor amenities then it would make sense to move to somewhere with better amenities.

However, what is the rush to move now. If your DS is nearly 2 then he won’t be starting school until sept 2023.

My DH was the same in that he just doesn’t like change until he is forced to change even if the change benefits him and everyone else else. Last year we were in a tiny 2 bed with a postage stamp garden and steps up to the front door with was perfect when there was just the two of us but terribly cramped with two kids. In the end I wore him down and we bought a four bed close to his family. Now we have a bedroom for each child plus I have a spare room/home office (so I don’t have to work sat on my bed anymore) plus the DC now get to see lots of their GPs and cousins.

If you can move to a nicer area, with better schools and a decent house then I would. I wonder if your husband doesn’t like change or is a lazy sod. Maybe just start gently looking at houses.

Well yes you could move to an area with better school but it doesn’t guarantee you a place in that school.

@ChaChaCha2012

It's not normal because most people can't afford the luxury of moving house to a more affluent area.

You sound like a pretty unpleasant person, and clearly think yourself superior to everyone else. Maybe you move and leave husband and son where they are?

And superior to husband there. Poor bugger.

It is normal, but I also know people who have driven miles each day for their children to go to a better school out of catchment or ended up paying for private education. One lady who did this drove a forty mile round trip each day so her children didn't have to go to the local comps ( one was at a faith school )
I was brought up on a council estate in the 70s and didn't go to a great secondary school but I do believe most schools are much better these days and if one is in special measures then it will be more likely to have some money thrown at it as well especially since Covid too. Don't always judge a school by its cover.
House prices closer to good schools are also huge.
It is a very competitive thing.

My house is more expensive compared to like for like 1930s semi 2 miles away purely based on catchment. Like previous poster estate agents advertise the catchment before anything else.

Me and DH both come from working class backgrounds and dont have a degree or decent A level between us. We live in a fairly nice area with good schools. DH often wonders if we should move somewhere cheaper, not have a mortgage and send our DC to private school despite the fact that what wed save by not having a mortgage would not even cover one DC at private school, let alone 2 It is common where we are to rent within the school catchment areas, although DDs school asked for a council tax bill from the previous year to verify that was our own house (not sure what you would do if you had just moved)

I know quite a few people who have moved to an area with better schools. Me and my husband have already discussed doing this and our baby is only 3 months old. We bought our current house just to get us on the property ladder and so the intention has always been to move to a better area and schools will definitely be a factor when we're deciding where.

Your husband sounds like an arse. If youvcsn afford private then for sure move for better schools, also tbh I would be worrying a bit that the marriage doesn't work out and him being a sahd will mean DS loves with him. You two don't really sound on by same page and id be worried about someone "unemployable".

For goodness sake, can anyone really argue that some council estates are attractive?

I find them incredibly depressing and I'd love to paint them and sow seeds in some of the gardens. I find their look depressing.

Shoot me 🤷‍♂️

Having nice views is important to me too.

Op, just move. Let's say you are being snobby.. It's still not a reason or non reason to base your dc futures on.
The other situation sounds so much better.

It’s totally normal. To be honest you dropped the ball a bit when you moved from your flat. If you have the money, a nicer area with better schools is sensible. Schools are clearly a major factor in house prices and location decisions. The fact there is a school checker built into Rightmove highlights it’s a function that is used.

Totally normal within my circle. I'll also echo a PP who said if it's closer to your work and more beneficial for your DC I don't see why your DH gets to completely veto the idea. Sounds like it would make your life easier, school or not.

Well yes you could move to an area with better school but it doesn’t guarantee you a place in that school.

I don't know anyone who didn't get a place in their catchment school. I'm in Scotland, perhaps it's different elsewhere

Yes absolutely everyone I know would move to get away from a “needs improvement” school or would stay put and go private. We send our DC private because the local schools had terrible ofsted reports (nothing to do with who the kids will make friends with as per an earlier poster). If where you live now doesn’t have any amenities, doesn’t have a pleasant outlook and is close to poorly performing schools ... many people would move just because of one of those factors and you have three! If you’re in the financial position to be able to move then go for it.

But I would echo what other posters have said about ensuring you and your DP have discussed other key life choices as this is something that you really need to be aligned on.

It's common round here for people to move across for school catchments and also for a nice area for DC to grow up in. Often then they find that even if you're in catchment the school can be over subscribed and they end up driving them somewhere else anyway.
I would definitely do it if you can.