Or does DH just not care about risks....

[moonbebe]

Our daughter is 5 months old and born during lockdown.

Neither of our parents have held her.

My husband and I decided from the start we didn't want to take the risk, so people saw her from a distance.

Last month my husband returned to working from the office and has since developed a completely different attitude to the pandemic.

Whilst he's following the guidelines on social distancing, he keeps telling me it's 'not a scary place out there' and that I'm catastrophizing the risks.

He's now decided that it's time for us to allow our parents to hold and spend time "normally" with our daughter.

I however, don't!

I'm fed up of him telling me the risk to children is small!!
I just don't understand him.

I know numbers are low, but Covid is still there and I don't want to put out daughter at unnecessary risk for the sake of our parents wanting a cuddle.

We're in England and the guidance is still to social distance, even for babies, so if the risk was low to children they why not amend this (like Scotland)

My husband is 34 and I'm 33.
I have asthma (controlled) and inflammatory arthritis (not medicated with agreement of rheumatologist) and I'm
also concerned that if our daughter did catch it, that means I could, it worries me that I could be really ill and my biggest fear is been away from my daughter. 😔

I love our daughter so much and I just cannot tolerate the thought of absolutely anything happening to her.

Surely if I've got to make the decision to keep her safe, then allowing her grandparents to hold her (who all go to work every day and work around a lot more people than my husband does)
isn't a safe decision.

I don't know how me and DH are ever going to come to a decision on this because he thinks I'm being unreasonable and I think he is!!!

How long are you planning on keeping her indoors and away from everyone?

Does your DH hold her when he comes back in?

YABU, SIDS or even just going out in the car is a bigger risk for babies right now than COVID. Look at the numbers.

How long will you be keeping her away from your family? Could your husband not also be a possible risk as he is working away from the home?

It sounds like your attitude to covid could be more damaging to your child, than covid itself

I assume you’ll not be letting your kid go anywhere in a car either? Or cross the street?

It's really your choice.

MN is full of people right now who seem to think coronavirus is over and that any risk mitigation is stupid.

My parents in law hold my baby but if you're not comfortable, that's your choice.

YABU, but in a normal new mum over protective way that is being extra challenged because of Covid. But it is a big deal to keep new grandparents from holding their new grandchild, and I don’t think you can continue to do that lightly now.

If the GPs are being sensible and you can trust them not be to flouting guidelines and stay away if they feel at all dodgy, then it is unreasonable to carry on withholding their relationships indefinitely. Especially as they will present less risk than your DH.

Surely it is important to follow the 2m social distancing guidance for babies as well as everyone else. I was a bit confused at first when my friend wouldnt allow me a cuddle with her baby but then remembered that I'm not hugging anyone else either so a baby should be no different.

Ypu need to start reading what paediatric specialists are saying about the dangers of keeping young children socially distanced, both emotional, social and physical. Covid isn't a threat to you or your child anymore (and less than) leaving the house, doing diy etc.

Life has become all about Covid, when for most people it will be like having a cold, many will be asymptomatic and less than 0.5 % will be seriously ill.

"Ypu need to start reading what paediatric specialists are saying about the dangers of keeping young children socially distanced, both emotional, social and physical. Covid isn't a threat to you or your child anymore (and less than) leaving the house, doing diy etc."

A 5 month old baby does not need to be hugged by anyone but their parents.

@gypsywater

Surely it is important to follow the 2m social distancing guidance for babies as well as everyone else. I was a bit confused at first when my friend wouldnt allow me a cuddle with her baby but then remembered that I'm not hugging anyone else either so a baby should be no different.

@gypsywater

This is my point exactly!!

I do wonder when we see 'my husband and I decided' or 'we decided' was it really a joint decision or did one do it to keep the peace?

Babies cannot be wrapped up forever

I absolutely understand why you're so worried, OP, but I'm afraid he's right. The risk to your daughter's health from Covid is tiny, but the risk to her development from not having immediate contact with any other people is very real. There's a happy medium - nobody is expecting you to pass your baby around a hall full of strangers. But getting cuddles from grandparents and other extended family is fine.

I'm not in the "Covid is nothing to worry about!" camp - far from it - but you DO have to balance the risks and it's so important for your little girl that she develop attachments to people other than just her parents.

@seayork2020

I do wonder when we see 'my husband and I decided' or 'we decided' was it really a joint decision or did one do it to keep the peace?

Babies cannot be wrapped up forever

@seayork2020

It was completely a joint decision. She was born in March, neither of us would've been comfortable back then.

My husband is now, I'm not.

@moonbebe
It is a really tricky one, as I do think cuddles with grandparents are so important and lovely, but surely the 2m rule applies to everyone? I guess one compromise could be they can hold her but whilst wearing a mask and having changed their clothes first? But dont know if that would scare the baby perhaps to have a mask wearer cuddling them!

Personally I think the highest risks are to your child's emotional development by keeping them indoors and away from people, than the risk of Covid-19.

Are you letting them 2m away from her or maintaining a lot of distance?

YABU, she is 5 months old and you haven't let anyone else near her?

Yes COVID is still around, but cases are low and deaths are very very low. As pp have said SIDS is more of a risk, as is driving in your car, crossing the road.

Even if someone gets COVID, they are more likely to be asymptomatic now, and it isn't a death sentence

COVID is never going to go away, it will always be here. You have to find your way back to some sort of new normality

No one ever seems to talk about this, but are these children who are being “protected” from COVID going to develop a normal healthy immune system if they are kept in bubbles and never exposed to all the germs and viruses that are just part of everyday life.

In the nicest possible way I really think you need to loosen up and let the child develop a normal healthy relationship with it’s grand parents. We can’t avoid physical contact forever.

Are you actually keeping her indoors?!

I would take this gap now to let her see both sets of parents before winter sets in and there is a risk of a second wave.

Do some reading around the topic, talk about your parents lifestyle and whether they are following enough of the rules for you to be happy.

[quote gypsywater]@moonbebe
It is a really tricky one, as I do think cuddles with grandparents are so important and lovely, but surely the 2m rule applies to everyone? I guess one compromise could be they can hold her but whilst wearing a mask and having changed their clothes first? But dont know if that would scare the baby perhaps to have a mask wearer cuddling them![/quote]
@gypsywater

I did consider masks but when I have mine on she looks confused.
I'm guessing as she can't properly determine my facial expressions.

You are absolutely right, the guidance is we should still be socially distancing from anyone not in our households. That clearly doesn't allow for hugging babies. My 10 month old hasn't been held by any family members since lockdown started and won't be for the foreseeable future.

@Pebblexox

Personally I think the highest risks are to your child's emotional development by keeping them indoors and away from people, than the risk of Covid-19.

@Pebblexox who said anything about keeping her indoors? We go out!!

I also had a baby during lockdown. I’m sorry, but you have got to relax.

I have come to the conclusion that my baby would be more damaged by constant health-related paranoia and missing out on physical contact from family members than he potentially would from a risk of being exposed to COVID-19. And I have genuinely vulnerable members of my family. We take precautions but we now meet and they cuddle my baby. Who loves it.

You need to learn to understand the actual risks and then to realise that your husband is right.