Or does DH just not care about risks....

[moonbebe]

Our daughter is 5 months old and born during lockdown.

Neither of our parents have held her.

My husband and I decided from the start we didn't want to take the risk, so people saw her from a distance.

Last month my husband returned to working from the office and has since developed a completely different attitude to the pandemic.

Whilst he's following the guidelines on social distancing, he keeps telling me it's 'not a scary place out there' and that I'm catastrophizing the risks.

He's now decided that it's time for us to allow our parents to hold and spend time "normally" with our daughter.

I however, don't!

I'm fed up of him telling me the risk to children is small!!
I just don't understand him.

I know numbers are low, but Covid is still there and I don't want to put out daughter at unnecessary risk for the sake of our parents wanting a cuddle.

We're in England and the guidance is still to social distance, even for babies, so if the risk was low to children they why not amend this (like Scotland)

My husband is 34 and I'm 33.
I have asthma (controlled) and inflammatory arthritis (not medicated with agreement of rheumatologist) and I'm
also concerned that if our daughter did catch it, that means I could, it worries me that I could be really ill and my biggest fear is been away from my daughter. 😔

I love our daughter so much and I just cannot tolerate the thought of absolutely anything happening to her.

Surely if I've got to make the decision to keep her safe, then allowing her grandparents to hold her (who all go to work every day and work around a lot more people than my husband does)
isn't a safe decision.

I don't know how me and DH are ever going to come to a decision on this because he thinks I'm being unreasonable and I think he is!!!

I would take what people say on here with a pinch of salt. I found MN really aggressive and OTT on following the rules at the beginning. Now everyone on here behaves as if it's over and anyone following the rules or taking precautions are idiots. They also think if you are not doing what they are, then you must be sat at home terrified of catching it.

OP do what you feel comfortable doing, maybe allow it by taking some precautions, such as a change of clothes, masks, etc. I'm not sat at home rocking in a corner scared of catching it, I've met people but been outdoors and again eaten outdoors. I know a few people who have had babies recently and most are not allowing others to cuddle them, some are allowing close family to pick up baby if they are WFH. My cousins baby is 9 months, we all picked him up when we were all WFH, now some of the family have returned to work so she is not allowing them to pick him up now, that's fine, that is what she feels comfortable with.

@Dillydallyingthrough

I agree. In the beginning, it was all rule following to the letter, and now if you're not regularly coughing on strangers, you're some kind of uptight freak.

@DancingCatGif yes I read that but socially distanced? I flew out the country with DH to show the in-laws my DS a few weeks ago and guess what? We are all Covid free. They didn't see DS for 9 months. It worked wonders for my DS for his emotional and social development after being locked up and just being with me and DH for so long. We stayed with the in-laws and I let them hug him, kiss him and play with him. If anything, we were the risk to the in-laws than them being a risk to DS. As I mentioned in my original comment, it's your child and you can do whatever you want but I'm with your DH on this one.

@moonbebe ⬆️⬆️⬆️

@RedHelenB

I have held my friends baby. I think yabu and let your baby have a few cuddles from their grandparents, they can wash their hands first surely?

@RedHelenB

Yes, they can.

But my argument (which I've said to my husband) is that close contact is how the virus transmits.

They can wash their hands but if they happen to have the virus and are breathing all over her and having face to face contact, then what difference has washing their hands made?

She's 5 months old now. She wasn't a to sit up whilst being held, she's awake and curious.

She isn't a sleeping tiny baby.

"yes I read that but socially distanced? I flew out the country with DH to show the in-laws my DS a few weeks ago and guess what? We are all Covid free. :

Oh well if one family didn't catch it, we must all be safe then.

Pandemic over.

Omg your being ridiculous!!!

I think you’re being unreasonable, for many reasons that other PPs have pointed out.

YaNbu. They’ll be able to cuddle her soon. The more people follow the rules, the quicker they will be able to cuddle her.
Don’t think you should change your decision, just because husband’s work mates think so.

I suppose the issue you need to consider is how much friction is this causing with your husband and wider family. What consequences will this have for all your relationships if there is no end in sight.

I would love to tell you that this will all be over by Christmas or even Easter but it won’t.

@Dillydallyingthrough

I would take what people say on here with a pinch of salt. I found MN really aggressive and OTT on following the rules at the beginning. Now everyone on here behaves as if it's over and anyone following the rules or taking precautions are idiots. They also think if you are not doing what they are, then you must be sat at home terrified of catching it.

OP do what you feel comfortable doing, maybe allow it by taking some precautions, such as a change of clothes, masks, etc. I'm not sat at home rocking in a corner scared of catching it, I've met people but been outdoors and again eaten outdoors. I know a few people who have had babies recently and most are not allowing others to cuddle them, some are allowing close family to pick up baby if they are WFH. My cousins baby is 9 months, we all picked him up when we were all WFH, now some of the family have returned to work so she is not allowing them to pick him up now, that's fine, that is what she feels comfortable with.

@Dillydallyingthrough

Thank you.

Good to know what others are doing in this situation.

I know I ultimately we have to make our own decision about this and can't base it on what others are doing, but it does help to hear other people's opinions.

With the exception of those opinions of people who think I'm keeping my child indoors and not letting her see anyone...

If not now though, then when? What will be different by her first birthday, for example? Would you be happy to go a year without your parents being able to cuddle your child?

@DancingCatGif

"yes I read that but socially distanced? I flew out the country with DH to show the in-laws my DS a few weeks ago and guess what? We are all Covid free. :

Oh well if one family didn't catch it, we must all be safe then.

Pandemic over.

@DancingCatGif

Guess so...

DH is vulnerable. We have been shielding since March with no intention of acting like normal (no take aways, wipe down all shopping that's delivered etc). My baby is 8 months and I refuse to let my mum hug him since she's going all over the place, but she understands and would not want to risk DH getting unwell.

DH's mum is also shielding, we did go around there once and let her hug him. We plan to do this more often, but that's because she is also very careful about what/who she's in contact with. If we were both healthy, I think we'd be a bit more lax because it's easier to have that attitude if you're not in the risk groups. Your baby will be fine, I think you have to assess the risk with yourself in the center of assessment.

Op what replies are you hoping for?

The baby I held was a similar age. She got a lot from reacting to a "stranger" . I think you need to at least allow grandparent cuddles, obviously not if they are symptomatic but given that we're approaching winter when coughs and cold will be everywhere I think you need to start now.personally.

Your child- your rules.
You aren't going to feel comfortable standing watching the grandparents holding DC so why on Earth consider allowing it just to appease others?
You aren't ready yet and that's that.

I am in your exact position (same age baby) and let the grandparents hold the baby. They get so much joy from my DS and the risk is very very very low.

I'd go with the outdoor clothes off, mask on approach. Your 5 month old being confused won't damage her

The biggest study to date, published in the BMJ states that the risk to children with no underlying health conditions is ‘vanishingly small’: www.bmj.com/content/370/bmj.m3249

This is peer reviewed article that categorically shows you ABU op. 6 children died from covid out of the thousands upon thousands that were studied. It is heartbreaking, but they had severe underlying conditions, not asthma or cystic fibrosis.

You are allowing your fears that are not backed by evidence to withhold loving and important relationships from your child. Of course she has her parents, but bonding with other people is very important. They’re not tiny forever and need experiences outside of your bubble.

YABVU. Your anxiety is out of control. Your baby is not at risk and you need to get some perspective. Kids are at school and nursery. The government have said the risk to children is extremely low. Risks are everywhere - I assume you cross the road/ travel in cars etc? You are letting a real loss of perspective ruin your family's experience and not letting your child bond with family. You may also be doing way more harm than good not letting your baby be exposed to normal bacteria from other people. You can't bring your child up in this crazy way, keeping her wrapped up with you to avoid risk. You really need to get a grip on this - it's not healthy. I'm a cautious person and I think you are really OTT. The purpose of social distancing is to stop the spread of virus getting out of control - it's not to stop all cases. How do you think kids at nursery get their nappies changed etc? Human contact. Please calm down and get some perspective.

YANBU to say no one has to hold your child however, it’s your husbands child too, so he might take her out to meet her grandparents and let them hold her.

There is no guarantee there will be a vaccine, and we can’t put life on hold waiting for it, and I say this as a mother who has a son who needed to shield, but I do understand your concern.

@Spied

Your child- your rules. You aren't going to feel comfortable standing watching the grandparents holding DC so why on Earth consider allowing it just to appease others? You aren't ready yet and that's that.

I generally agree the most cautious person wins, it isn't HER baby, it's THEIR baby and the person she would be appeasing is the CHILDS PARENT not a random shag who got her pregnant

"The baby I held was a similar age. She got a lot from reacting to a "stranger""

Did she tell you that, then?

Why are people always so desperate to assign adult reactions to babies? A 5 month old baby doesn't care who it's around.

I'm kind of torn on this.

I have health anxiety around Dd anyway so can't honestly say how I would be if she was any younger.

It's not just covid though is it? All these babies Are getting exposed to nothing at all. I don't know how that's going to pan out, mentally and physically. A friend gave Dd a bad cold at a few weeks old, I was distraught, PFB and anxious. But she's gone on to have a few colds, sick bugs and more than her fair share of everything else when nursery started.

I'm not convinced having no contact with anyone is particularly healthy for them long term. That first bugs going to be torture. The worry of what it is I mean.

I think on balance I would let close family hold her. Your decision though.

@BikeTyson

If not now though, then when? What will be different by her first birthday, for example? Would you be happy to go a year without your parents being able to cuddle your child?

@BikeTyson

In all honesty I was expecting there to be some changes in the official guidelines regarding children.

I've been following the gov guidance and doing things socially distanced.

Now there are no guidelines about letting babies have close contact with grandparents so it seems like people are just doing what they want to do.

If I let them hold her and she caught Covid, can you imagine what people would say then..
if my post was that she'd caught it from grandparents, lots of people would surely be telling me how irresponsible I am and I should've followed the rules.

I'm posting to say I don't want them to hold her and people think I'm unreasonable or ridiculous.