Or does DH just not care about risks....

[moonbebe]

Our daughter is 5 months old and born during lockdown.

Neither of our parents have held her.

My husband and I decided from the start we didn't want to take the risk, so people saw her from a distance.

Last month my husband returned to working from the office and has since developed a completely different attitude to the pandemic.

Whilst he's following the guidelines on social distancing, he keeps telling me it's 'not a scary place out there' and that I'm catastrophizing the risks.

He's now decided that it's time for us to allow our parents to hold and spend time "normally" with our daughter.

I however, don't!

I'm fed up of him telling me the risk to children is small!!
I just don't understand him.

I know numbers are low, but Covid is still there and I don't want to put out daughter at unnecessary risk for the sake of our parents wanting a cuddle.

We're in England and the guidance is still to social distance, even for babies, so if the risk was low to children they why not amend this (like Scotland)

My husband is 34 and I'm 33.
I have asthma (controlled) and inflammatory arthritis (not medicated with agreement of rheumatologist) and I'm
also concerned that if our daughter did catch it, that means I could, it worries me that I could be really ill and my biggest fear is been away from my daughter. 😔

I love our daughter so much and I just cannot tolerate the thought of absolutely anything happening to her.

Surely if I've got to make the decision to keep her safe, then allowing her grandparents to hold her (who all go to work every day and work around a lot more people than my husband does)
isn't a safe decision.

I don't know how me and DH are ever going to come to a decision on this because he thinks I'm being unreasonable and I think he is!!!

Work out a "risk/benefit" situation. Work out when and how often grandparents can see the baby and hold her. Eg. if they were not working on a Saturday or Sunday for 3 hours with their attention and wear masks for a few months until risk decreases. You are at risk so masks should mitigate for that so family need to be aware and consider welfare of Mum. Your husband does not have your conditions so his chances of having a bad outcome are much less

I'm posting to say I don't want them to hold her and people think I'm unreasonable or ridiculous.

So there's your answer. 🤷‍♂️

Interesting the number of people saying “let grandparents hold the baby” which is still against the rules but ranting about people going on holiday which IS NOT against the rules!

My household of three (DD lives away so we haven’t seen her since February) haven’t had any physical contact with anyone but each other since lockdown.

If I was in OPs position I would be happy for people to see the baby (obeying social distancing) but no cuddling.

I think YANBU for following guidelines, equally though I would do some research surrounding challenging the immune system in the first year of life and later risk of autoimmune conditions and leukaemia etc as I do think it's concerning for children born at the moment (I'm due later this year as well and have a young DC1)

I’m in Scotland where young children haven’t had to distance since early July. Obviously my attitude is entirely shaped by that but I’d say if your local area and area where mil and fil work is a low case area (Like most of Scotland) then I’d let them hold her without masks and if it is a higher risk area then probably not just yet.

I'm posting to say I don't want them to hold her and people think I'm unreasonable or ridiculous.

So you posted your opinion.

People are allowed to disagree. (I do, for one)

YABU and I would be very interested to see if you keeping your baby away from close contact with anyone other than the two of you had some form of impact on her social development.

I have 9 month old baby and for me the minuscule risk to babies being in close contact with others was outweighed by the benefit from bonding with his family.

In the UK more than 200 babies die a year from SIDS. I’m assuming you sleep at some point and don’t sit up 24 hours a day 7 days a week monitoring your child.

Covid as a risk is barely even on the scale of SIDS. You need to put things in perspective.

I’m not saying this to terrify you btw, I just want you to be able to see there is no logic in your fears atm.

A friend of mine put herself in a two week isolation before visiting and holding her grandchild. Could this be a compromise?

my baby was born in may and my parents have been cuddling her since day one. the risk of her catching covid is minimal and the benefits of building a bond with her grandparents far outweigh the covid risk. it’s so sad that your baby is 5 months old and has never been held by grandparents. they’ve missed out on all the snuggly babyness!

@Miga1

YABVU. Your anxiety is out of control.

Do you no think this quite a dramatic thing to say based on what my post is actually about??

Would an out of control anxious person leave the house daily?
Would they go to restaurants or coffee shops?
Would they have people in their homes or visit people in their homes?

I think what you're clearly doing is assuming that because I don't want my child to have close contact, I must be this anxiety ridden frightened to leave my house person.

I absolutely understand where you’re coming from OP but this isn’t going to end anytime soon. My guess is that we’re looking at atleast a year of social distancing and mask wearing. The risk to your daughter is tiny, by 5 months they’re pretty robust.

My sister had Covid and was very very poorly so I’m not underestimating the risks but I think as long as hygiene is paramount we need to try to live as normally as possible.

Would you feel comfortable if they self isolated for 2 weeks before they first held her? (Assuming they’re able to do that). Otherwise a good hand wash, clean clothing and coming straight from home (not going via a supermarket etc) should be enough. I think it sounds like it would do you good to get out and see people as well xx

@Spied

Your child- your rules. You aren't going to feel comfortable standing watching the grandparents holding DC so why on Earth consider allowing it just to appease others? You aren't ready yet and that's that.

But there are two parents and the other one has the opposite opinion.

@Nanny0gg

I'm posting to say I don't want them to hold her and people think I'm unreasonable or ridiculous.

So you posted your opinion.

People are allowed to disagree. (I do, for one)

@Nanny0gg

This comment I made was to show the contrast between if I were to let them hold her and she caught Covid, what would people say then.

That's what I meant by this.

There is no right way really is there because somewhere someone will disagree with either side of the coin.

@moonbebe you sound extremely worked up in all your posts. Highly strung. I assume you ARE leaving the house (read my post) and can assure you the risks in that (accidents etc) are higher than letting GPs hold your child. You do seem to have lost perspective and like your head has got this all twisted up, resulting in your rational thinking being lost.

In all honesty I was expecting there to be some changes in the official guidelines regarding children

This guidance is primarily about protecting the older adults rather than the children though, because the risk to them is incredibly low. Your concern (understandably) seems to be about the baby though, and I think that’s where people are suggesting it’s excessively cautious - which I’m inclined to agree with.

@amymel2016

I think it sounds like it would do you good to get out and see people as well xx*

Does everyone on MN assume that because I don't want close contact for my daughter, that I don't go out, at all...?!

Where in my OP have I said this? I didn't, so why are so many people making this assumption??

WE GO OUT. WE SEE PEOPLE. WE SOCIALISE.

The ONLY thing we don't do is have CLOSE contact.

Your child- your rules.

Except that its not only her child.Does her DH not have a say.

Op what replies are you hoping for?

I think the op expected everyone to agree with her.

I think you're being hysterical and unreasonable OP.

You should seek help for your anxiety.

I am quite a protective Mum but I think YABU, there are tonnes of viruses and bugs that are dangerous for our little ones, at some point your babies need to be socialized needs real consideration.

If the isolation of your baby goes on for another 6 months then that will be the whole first year of her life where she hasn't seen another person apart from you and her Dad and that could also potentially have long term effects on her.

[quote Miga1]@moonbebe you sound extremely worked up in all your posts. Highly strung. I assume you ARE leaving the house (read my post) and can assure you the risks in that (accidents etc) are higher than letting GPs hold your child. You do seem to have lost perspective and like your head has got this all twisted up, resulting in your rational thinking being lost.[/quote]
@Miga1

It's just so frustrating!!

I posted about grandparents holding our daughter.

No mention of not going out, crying anxious, yet so many replies are that i need to get out, my daughter needs to get out, my anxiety is out of control.

I'm all for discussions and hearing opinions, but some of these replies aren't even relevant and it's as though they haven't read my OP are they answering based on an assumption they have made of me.

Either way it's not really helpful.

One other thing to add is - I understand when your daughter was a newborn that you would feel the way you do. She is not a fragile newborn now and it's OTT. Also... If one of the GPs has COVID, and you are in their house, chances are you will catch it. Holding baby or not. I'm not saying don't see GPs - I'm saying your thinking is illogical and you seem stuck on this odd and way OTT way of thinking. Not healthy. Maybe speak to your HV?

@StoppinBy

If the isolation of your baby goes on for another 6 months then that will be the whole first year of her life where she hasn't seen another person apart from you and her Dad and that could also potentially have long term effects on her.

Another one... 🙄

She sees people. Plenty of people.

My post is about her being in close contact with her grandparents.

Maybe I need to edit my OP to specify this more clearly....

I just saw your last update, personally I think if you are out and about with them anyway the risk of them passing it on in a cuddle versus spending an hour in their company is not so much greater that I would be stopping her Grandparents having a cuddle. Extended family and friends I wouldn't be offering a cuddle too however.

@moonbebe
Personally I think the highest risks are to your child's emotional development by keeping them indoors and away from people, than the risk of Covid-19
Totally agree with this! You are having a massive impact on her emotional development by not allowing contact, your anxieties are going to have a huge impact on her. It could be months, even years, before there is a vaccine - are you going to prevent them having close contact and holding her for all that time? I’ve been shielding due to health conditions and have been extremely anxious, but even I think this is totally bizarre.