To want to leave over DH saying he doesn't like being a father

[wineandwhining]

Just this, DH has been pretty snappy and short with me all week, so I pressed him to talk (he hates talking), and he tells me he's not really into being a father.

We have a three month old girl who is actually a pretty good baby. She sleeps through, rarely cries except when a bit windy, and I do 95% of the care for her.

Today he said this and then explained that he feels life is going to be a slog forever now, and that his life isn't his, and that mostly he fakes the happiness he shows. Honestly I wanted to hit him over the head.

He's been like this for years, he's never happy. He did have a drinking problem which I thought was the source of this but he's been sober for over a year and nothing has changed.

Does this change for new dads? I thought maybe it was paternal post natal depression but he doesn't think it is. He thinks its just him and this is what its like forever now.

I can't have my life be like this, and I worry for my DH.

Is it AIBU to leave?

Single parenthood doesn't often look like that. I used to have the occasional drink, my friends were a mix of single and partnered parents, as well as child free, and they didn't shun me! I also had a fair amount of free time when my kids stayed with their grandparents and father.

It's much better to be a single parent, than be in a bad relationship.

I also don't get the single and no drinking and being shunned thing. We have a single mum in our NCT, she's definitely not shunned. Also, why are social services involved all of a sudden? Do they have an alarm that goes off when a mother becomes single?

You are obviously also a bit depressed and blaming everything on him. This is quite usual. Please work on your marriage.

Lol, is that you DH? Hi and 🖕🖕🖕🖕

@EatDessertFirst

Imagine if a new mum came out and said this? She'd be told to suck it up, 'you had a baby, this is what you have to deal with' or take herself to the docs to be checked for PND. But she would still have to parent regardless. Its what is expected of mums.

But poor menz get 'aww, bless it must be a hard adjustment' etc from some posters?!

OP, you don't need to cut him any more slack. You are doing 95% of the work. He needs to sort himself out and be a father or get lost. You'll probably find things easier on your own with your beautiful, much longed for daughter rather than having to prop up your DH as well.

This x 100