I am a Male just turned 30, single for couple years, never married, no kids, own house, good job, having drinks with friends tonight and dating subject came up, none of which are dating people who allready have kids, I said not really anyone suitable on online dating as they have children and that is not what I want from a long term relationship, a couple of them (females) said that I am selfish for not dating women who allready have children.
I have done in the past, but it never worked out for me, I allways found it alot of hassle/problematic/dramas. I have met some genuinely nice women but unfortunately it comes down to the kids getting in the way for it not working out, if they were childless then I could see a future.
Some examples are:
Nights in with them and their children causing havoc, not what I or I think any bloke would want on a date night.
I would have to plan my lifestyle around their childcare arrangements, I do shift work and can have Mon, Tues and weds off but they might only have Thurs eve free for a few hours so I would rearrange shifts and then just as the date is going well they will look at their watch and be like it's half 8 I have to go back and relieve the babysitter and put the kids to bed. I like the dates where we can just sit back have drinks til like 11/12 after food then go back to one of our houses.
Holidays have allways been a no go, can only go during summer holidays and pay 4 times the price to somewhere like butlins, never can have weekends away just 2 of us, or last minute date nights, everything has to be planned weeks in advance so childcare can be arranged and sometimes their kids will go sick on the night which means date cancelled.
I want someone who can come out late with me and my friends and not have to dash off early each week and can do couple things as well. If I stay out then it causes arguments.
Staying over theres and usually have their kids jumping up and down on the bed in the morning, not fun!
Weekends if the kids are with them, we have to goto pepper pig World for the day or some animal adventure park and then go to hungry horse and eat rubbish food as it is a child friendly place and listen to kids running around screaming their heads off. Or watch them play football for a few hours, or dance practice. Non of which I can stand.
I suppose as a male with no children I have alot more time on my hands to go and do things on my days off, go on holidays outside of term time, nights and weekends away, camping, playing sports, non of which women with children that I have been with can do, it just allways feels like I am a part time boyfriend as only get to see them once or maybe twice a week, otherwise they are just to busy. I understand their kids need to allways come first and I will allways be second, would just much rather be with someone where we are both each others no 1 and can start a family from scratch not a ready made one.
Looking at longer term one or two I have been with rely heavily on benefits, I don't think I could live with someone else and their kids it would probably drive me insane and also being step dad, but also they're benefits would get recalculated if we were to move in together taking my salary into account which means they would not receive any benefit money and I would have to subsidize / give them over £1000 a month out of my take-home pay, which I really can't see as fair?
Then there is the dramas of the ex, as there is a reason they are not together, so you have to offer sympathy all of the time and agree with them when they talk negatively about the ex, birthdays and Xmas is allways very complicated, where kids should be having to pick them up from different places.
What is quite annoying/hilarious is that some womens dating profiles who have children genuinely can't understand what problems their kids bring to a relationship and will say my kids are my world and if your not man enough to handle them swipe left or it's your problem if you don't like my kids, they will get very defensive and hostile as soon as I mention that I am not interested due to the kids if they have not mentioned they have any previously.
In my opinion the cons far outweigh the pros, Surely I can't be unreasonable for not wanting any of this hassle? My own happiness should be paramount in a relationship, not just get into one to make someone else happy.