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Original poster

"I wish people warned us about having more children"

304 replies

Propercrimboselecta · 28/08/2020 16:43

Didn't know what else to put as the title, but we have received this advice from quite a few people now...
We have one child and have always said we would like two. We have plenty of time for others and aren't giving serious consideration to another any time soon (we have both said in maybe 4/5 years), but at the moment we do enjoy how things are with having one.

When discussing with others (when everyone asks if we have plans for others) everyone seems to say the same thing - I wish people warned us how hard it would be having more than one, we wouldn't have had more if we knew, etc.

I was just wondering how other people felt about this? I'm not sure if it relates more to people that have had 2 under 2 etc.

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 28/08/2020 16:45
Hmm

Take responsibility for your own life choices.

wendz86 · 28/08/2020 16:45

I haven’t found having 2 any harder than 1 and I became a single mum just before having my second . My life had already significantly changes and the youngest just fitted in . I had a 4 year difference though so could have influenced things .

PablosHoney · 28/08/2020 16:48

I don’t think you’ve read the OP correctly @honeygirlz. I’ve got 3 and it’s been hard at times but any amount of kids are 😂

cunningartificer · 28/08/2020 16:48

I found it easier with two, but they were close together so good friends

Motherofmonsters · 28/08/2020 16:49

I've found it way easier going from 1 - 2 then 0-1. DD has fitted in perfectly

Theelderscrolls · 28/08/2020 16:50

I had 2 under 3, and while it wasn't exactly easy it was definitely manageable! I can't imagine just having one now.

My partner and I also can't imagine growing up without our siblings and always wanted a second. If it's what you want definitely go for it and don't let other people try and put you off.

Iamnotacerealkiller · 28/08/2020 16:50

Most people have said to me something along the lines of 'it's both the hardest and best thing I've ever done' .

I've had two and found 2 a much easier transition then the first time. Less anxiety, more experience etc, sleep deprivation was much easier second time as I was used to it.

In general it's been easier then I expected as I thought it would break me. It's hard work but it's mostly the lack of free time and tiredness.

minnieok · 28/08/2020 16:50

Life is different with 2 than 1 but I wouldn't have it any other way. I probably would have a bigger gap though.

Roseburn · 28/08/2020 16:50

2 is easier than 1. They entertain each other.

Stripesgalore · 28/08/2020 16:51

Having two means they have someone to play with.

VettiyaIruken · 28/08/2020 16:52

It requires more balancing and money but it's fine ime. The early days are knackering but that's babies for you.

The only question here is do you want another child?

DowntonCrabby · 28/08/2020 16:52

We had a big gap and found going from one to two made zero difference to how hard or busy life was.

I get it would be different for those other 2 or 3 preschoolers though.

You’ll be fine OP if you’re waiting a while. Like any other unsolicited advice I’d just nod and smile at them.

AChooooo · 28/08/2020 16:53

I’ve never heard anyone say that. Probably referring to having a demanding newborn and an older child.
If I ever had a newborn as fussy as my eldest again, it would be so hard with older children. Thankfully my younger 2 were more chilled.

PotteringAlong · 28/08/2020 16:53

On the flip side, I have 3 and I really wish I had appreciated just how easy only having 2 children is before I had the last one Grin

Witchend · 28/08/2020 16:53

I have 3.
I didn't find going from 1 to 2 any harder at all. In a lot of ways it was easier be ause they entertained each other.
2 to 3 was more of an issue, but mostly because no1 now did a lot of different things and no 3 had minor health issues which ended up sitting in A&E not infrequently.

Not sure who you've been talking to but among my friends they would generally say no 1 was the shock, number 2 was far easier.

Original poster
Propercrimboselecta · 28/08/2020 16:53

honeygirlz I'm not letting somebody else choose for me. It's my uterus 😂. I just wondered if my friends have had particularly difficult second children or if everyone found it ok going from 2 from 1.
Going to 1 child is a big life change so I'm not sure why going to two would be the same, as you have already gone through that.

OP posts:
Miseryl · 28/08/2020 16:54

To be fair I completely underestimated how hard it was to have 1 kid and then 2 but that's my own fault, no one else's!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/08/2020 16:55

2 is easier than 1. They entertain each other.

If entertainment includes squabbling, bickering and fighting, then I agree.

LittleRed53 · 28/08/2020 16:55

We had our second DC when DS1 was 5. It wasn't so easy going back to having a new baby again, there's no getting around that. But they are reslly good friends now (3 years later) and play together a lot, so it's now easier as DS1 doesn't rely on me to keep him occupied all the time, he has someone to play with, to chat with in the car, etc. I definitely don't regret our decision to have more!

And if we hadn't gone on to have 2 more (now have 3 under 4), I would think life would be pretty easy by now!

Original poster
Propercrimboselecta · 28/08/2020 16:55

The only question here is do you want another child?

Yes - not yet though. I like things as they are at the moment but do like the idea of more in the future. Just didn't know if I was missing something when I was being told this, repeatedly!

OP posts:
PablosHoney · 28/08/2020 16:56

My first two we’re close together and that was more exhausting than having a third when my middle DD was at nursery school

bringbacksideburns · 28/08/2020 16:57

There are two years between my two. I found the first year or so quite tough and I was lucky as the youngest was a brilliant sleeper! My eldest was quite demanding and jealous, had tantrums etc but calmed down a lot once he got to Nursery.

I think it's obviously a lot easier if you have family help. I know people who had all their laundry done in the early years and a Sunday lunch cooked for them AND delivered every week. Or grandparents who would have the toddler overnight to help out or babysit all the time.

My in-laws were quite elderly by then and my mum and dad aren't the most practical of people so I did feel quite exhausted working PT and doing everything else and I had a supportive husband too.

With hindsight I would have waited until my eldest was Nursery age.
But the positives were they were very close growing up and always had a companion to play with, and on the whole got on very well and were protective of each other which was nice to see.

Original poster
Propercrimboselecta · 28/08/2020 16:58

Really interesting to hear differently from all of you, thank you. If we do as planned we will have a larger age gap than many friends which perhaps they haven't considered when 'advising'.

OP posts:
Enko · 28/08/2020 17:00

I can remember wishing people would not have been so negative about the 2nd after I had mine. Dont even get me started on how negative they were about 3 or 4.

I found certain stages of the children harder than others. This didn't change with child 1-2-3 or 4 it is the stages I struggle with. The amount of children I found more about how I manage things than about the kids themselves.

What I DO wish was not everyone would go " wait until they are teenagers" The year all 4 of mine were teens is my freeze frame year Teenagers are great.

formerbabe · 28/08/2020 17:01

Two is really tough at first...a new born and toddler nearly destroyed me.

However, its easier in the long run in my experience. So small things like, they eat dinner together early in the evening and I go round the house doing chores. If I had one dc I'd feel bad if they ate by themselves. At the weekend, me and dh will sit watching tv in the living room whilst they hang out together in the playroom...they're 9 and 12 by the way. On holiday recently, we sat in the bar whilst they were in the arcade next to it, they just came back to ask for more money! So the fact they can entertain each other and keep each other company is a huge plus imo.