To ask why you changed your name if you are married?

[Danni290]

This isn't to knock anyone that has made this decision - I truly believe each to their own.

I haven't changed my name and get a hard time particularly from men about it.

I totally understand why the family should have the same name - that makes total sense to me.

But what I don't get is why in 2020 this is purely dictated by gender? And why so many women go along with it without question?

Just wanted your reasons, AIBU to think it's a really archaic way of doing things?!

Why can't we choose the surname depending on whose we like the most, like we do with first names?

I changed mine after about a year and a half of marriage, basically because I realized my husband really wanted me to and I love him and wanted to please him. Still think my original surname was the better one though. That was in 2005.

Yes but everyone did when I got married in the 70s. However of course I would still do it if I lived now because I would want the same last name as my children!

You can choose to do whatever you want.

I changed mine because:

1. I was quite naive and traditional
2. I wanted to have one ‘family’ name
3. My DH has ‘good’ reasons for wanting to keep his and his preference was that I change and he didn’t.
4. I quite fancied a new name- my new name is nice and I feel it ‘suits’ me.
5. I wasn’t overly happy with my ‘original’ name- childhood bullying etc left me with a faint uncomfortableness about it.

In hindsight would I make the same decision again? Probably. But perhaps I would have thought harder about it.

And yes, I do think it's quite an archaic way of doing things. A lot of weddingy things are!

I see where you're coming from because it does upset my husband and feel like I'm being selfish but I still don't get it. It feels like a major loss of my identity to do it. I feel like I'm being an awkward cow but I just don't understand why it's such a common thing in this day and age where women seem to be so independent why most people go along with it.

I did because I didn't really think not to. Regret having done so.

I didn’t change mine, hate OHs surname and I was 34 by the time I got married so 🤷🏼‍♀️

@BubblyBarbara yes I see why you want the same as your kids but what I don't get is why that is determined purely on the basis your husband is a man so everyone takes his name?

I changed mine because mine is really unusual and I was fed up of having to spell it out and no one knowing how to say it etc, my husbands name (now mine) is a nice normal easy to spell name and sounds nice with my name which the old one didn’t!

@Trenisenne are you still together? Why do you regret just out of interest

Main reason I changed mine is cos I've always hated my surname!

I liked my maiden name more but my married name is a very common surname, I love the anonymity it gives me. I'm also glad my children have common names, being anonymous is a gift in the digital age.

Because I hated my maiden name. We're divorced now but I haven't changed back as a) I still hate my maiden name and b) my married name suits me, plus it's a fairly common name so doesn't intrinsically link me to EXH in the same way as if it were a rare name.

I see why you'd change if you hate it but all the women in the world surely can't hate their surnames. It appears many do it just to keep the peace. It makes me sad that we are trying to fight for so much equality but these basic principles are still the 'norm'

I didn’t change my name and my mum and MIL just can’t understand why. Neither can my best friend. They all now use my married name all the time. I feel as though I’m flying a fairly lonely flag, but I just didn’t see why I needed to change. I have a name, why do I need a new one? (PS my DH didn’t really care if I changed name or not).

Nope.

Never been given a hard time about it.

My dd has my name, ds has dh's.

No regrets.

I haven't, our daughter has my surname and our son is double barrelled. Eventually we will all be double barrelled DH included. It is what we both want.

My husband doesn’t care! If he’d felt really strongly then I’d have changed for personal use, but kept my own name for work (niche field). I might have switched if I’d preferred his name to mine, but I didn’t! I find it strange that it’s still so divisive.

I changed my name when I got married.

1. It was 22 years ago so much more common.

1. I disliked my maiden surname which when coupled with my christian name it is unfortunate and I wish my parents had considered this when naming me.

1. I wanted a family name which we shared with out children.

Because I wanted too ,as you say people can do what they want ,and clearly you are judging people for making their own choices

Changed mine after about a year as was pregnant with DC and exH played on my hormones so we all had the same name. I didn’t ever feel attached to my married name and in all honesty didn’t really want to change it. fast forward 16 months and we separated and the first thing I did was deed pole back to my maiden name as that was quicker than waiting for the decree absolute!

what I don't get is why that is determined purely on the basis your husband is a man so everyone takes his name?

What point would there be for a man to hang around long term without an heir or dynasty that is why they have children biologically, that’s the whole reason for the name issue in the first place

Married name much nicer than maiden name. And wanted the same surname as my future children.

Because when my mother remarried they gave me my stepfather's surname, which never felt like mine. I chose this one.

I took DHs surname after marriage because I wanted us, as a family, to all have the same name once we had DC. I have no relationship with my father for various reasons and his name has no positive connotations for me. Conversely, it obviously meant a lot to FIL for DS to "carry on the family name" as it were, which I think is quite old fashioned personally, but it still suited my own purposes to change it so 🤷🏼‍♀️