To ask why you changed your name if you are married?

[Danni290]

This isn't to knock anyone that has made this decision - I truly believe each to their own.

I haven't changed my name and get a hard time particularly from men about it.

I totally understand why the family should have the same name - that makes total sense to me.

But what I don't get is why in 2020 this is purely dictated by gender? And why so many women go along with it without question?

Just wanted your reasons, AIBU to think it's a really archaic way of doing things?!

Why can't we choose the surname depending on whose we like the most, like we do with first names?

Because I wanted to.

I didn't really give it a second thought. I wasn't attached to my maiden name, and wanted to share a name with DH.

My SIL had a double barrelled surname. When she and my DB married, she dropped the first part of the barrel, moved the second part into that space and added my DBs name as the second name. So Robinson-Crusoe became Crusoe-Jones. And my DB changed his by deed poll. Though the nursery staff at my nephew's nursery must have had a shock when they waited for the dad of little Very Posh-Name to arrive any my DB turned up. 'Innit bruv' is part of his vocabulary 😂

I wouldn’t have but my husband has children and it meant something to them that I’d have the same name as them. Our now daughter has the same name. If it hadn’t been for them I wouldn’t have changed it and would have double-barrelled any joint child’s surname.

Changed it because I wanted to have the same Name as DC. Added my maiden name back in by deed poll a year later as I missed it and wanted my identity back.

I didn't mean to. My work did it for me and it was too late to go back, so professionally I was Mrs DHsurname. Then I changed it on my bank account and passport about 8 years later when we bought our house together, because my pay slips then matched and it just was 'easier' all round.

I regret it massively, actually. Wish I'd stuck up for myself a bit more and hadn't changed it, I wanted to double-barrel.

To have the same name as future children.

Easier to say and spell than maiden name

@x2boys I made it quite clear this isn't a judgement thread.

I asked;

AIBU to think it's a really archaic way of doing things?!

Why can't we choose the surname depending on whose we like the most, like we do with first names?

And was after a discussion about it to see others thoughts that's all. Please don't take it personally

I haven't, our daughter has my surname and our son is double barrelled. Eventually we will all be double barrelled DH included. It is what we both want.

This makes me giggle so much - sorry! What happens when your kids get married?! Do they then become triple or quadruple barrelled?!

I always think it sounds so pretentious.

Friend of mine (male) took her surname and made his double barrelled so they both had it. Sounds ridiculous. He had a lovely name before - so did she. Just pick one surely!

For me - I wanted our entire family to have the same name. Children do get judged at school with a different surname to the mother/father.

I didn’t change mine because
A. I didn’t want to and
B. I am relatively well known in my field, have work published in my name etc

My mum STILL addresses mail to Mrs Husbands name and we’ve been married over 10 years!

I never planned on changing my name but my husband has the most fabulous surname that I couldn't resist. I am sure if the situation was flipped he would have done the same!

Quite naive. Probably couldn’t be bothered with the agro it might have triggered.

Wouldn’t do so if I was getting married now.

Mine was purely and simply down to a lot of sentimental claptrap!
Me and DH were childhood sweethearts, I spent my entire final 3yrs in school/2yrs in college drawing love hearts on my school books and writing "Mrs Hislastname"
When we got back together at 38 and 40, I wanted our child to have the same name and had fantasised about having his name for over 20yrs! His surname is unusual and really lovely, mine is very common (think Smith/Jones). That said he's a really lovely man and would have gave his up for mine if I'd asked.

I had planned to keep mine professionally but when I got back from honeymoon my well meaning boss had changed all the records and ordered new businesscards etc and I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Outside of work it was about having the same name as my children and whilst the assumption that the woman will change is wrong, it's no better for the man to have to change and I end up going round in circles looking for a solution to that one. Really don't like double barreling.

OK yes it,s tradition, but also because I want to be recognised ass a unit/ a familly. he could have taken my name but I don,t have to tell everyone how to spell my married name. (I know some married poeple have different names, but I like the fact it shows we have a connection and not just current boyfriend.)

Ok so many have said they wanted the kids to have the same name. Totally get that.

But why is it determined by gender?!! People seem to be avoiding this question?

I wanted us to have the same name as a family.

However, he already had a double barrelled surname, and I didn't see why he should get to keep two and me give mine up (plus mine is uncommon) so I made him choose and swap one for mine.

So say he was John Smith-Jones and I was Jane Wood, we're now John and Jane Wood-Jones.

Well by saying it's archaic is a judgement ,isn't it.

You will get lots of people agreeing with you in here OP. I took my now exH name and I kept it because I liked it a lot more than my own name. In reality I’ve met barely anyone who didn’t take their husbands name however every thread there has ever been on here is full of women who claim they didn’t take their husbands name when I suspect that the real figures would tell a different story.

Whilst some women keep their name for professional reasons I guess that more than 95% of women do take their husbands name.

I have a DC with my partner, we are not married, but the DC has his name because I would never have considered giving them anything else. And all this double barrelling is ridiculous.

I really don’t think children get judged at school in if their parents have different surnames unless you live in 1956.

I was bullied over my first surname so I changed it when I married.

I didn't change my name but my children have my husband's name. It doesn't bother me we don't have the same name. I don't think that most women would agree with me though, and that's fair enough, individual choice and all that.

@x2boys no it is a fact. The tradition is thousands of years old and we are now in 2020 where things are much different

Husband is an only child whose father had only sisters. FIL died before I met husband, and us both having his father's name was a gesture of respect to a decent person. Had husband taken my surname he would have ended up with exactly the same name as one of my relatives. (None of his relatives do share his surname, so it wouldn't be a problem the other way about) Also his surname sounds slightly better with my first name than my old surname did. MIL had divorced FIL and remarried well before I met her, so it was no longer her married name. She did want to change hers back "so that we matched" once I became Mrs Baby.
We could have gone double barrelled I suppose, but I didn't sound good.

DP and I are engaged, planning to marry next year. Our baby is due in October. Baby will have both our names. When we marry, we will both attach each other's name to our own, if we can be bothered.

Honestly to save the faff

Having a different name to our children would be annoying if traveling without DH etc.

I would have changed my name even if we hadn’t got married. In fact, we had no plans to get married after many years together and name changing (together with other financial / admin considerations) was one of my reasons to get married. Romantic!! My DM was due to get married the following year and was planning on changing her name and the only other people with my name were my DF and SM who I was non-contact with at the time. We could have chosen a brand new name together but it just seemed pointless.