MIL forgot DCs gender

[SqidgeBum]

This may be my hormones getting to my head, so I need some straight opinions. I am 30 weeks pregnant with DC2. At 20 weeks, during lockdown, we had a gender reveal on video chat to my family and DHs family. Since then I have seen my MIL basically every week as we visit a lot.

Last night, on a family group chat, my SIL told us a friend of hers has found out they are having a boy. My MIL went on to ask me 'do you know what you are having yet?'. She genuinely completely forgot that we had a gender reveal, or even what gender our baby is, her own grandchild. She only has two grandkids. This is her third. She is in her 50s, so not old or senile. She has no problem remembering anything else. She literally just forget we ever said what gender our baby is.

When I thought about it, she never asks about me or the baby. She doesnt know when my due date is. When I had the 20 week scan she never asked how it went. She hasn't had a conversation with me about this baby at all except to make snide comments about us living so far away and me not 'including' her ..... we live 40 mins away. She comes and wants me to make her a cup of tea and then she naps on my couch.

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before. DH is ignoring it. He doesnt seem too bothered. They are not a family who communicate well so this will just never be mentioned again. I still dont even know if she now remembers the gender as I just stopped messaging.

AIBU to be either angry at her or concerned about her memory (mostly angry admittedly)? Is DH right to think this is nothing?

I love a good flounce! OP that was a 'gender' reveal - getting everyone together and buying a balloon ... 🙄😜
Enjoy your baby, not everyone else is as bothered I'm afraid

@thenightsky

I was expecting a thread about pronouns.

Same!! Thought I was going to open it to find that even though Sally is living as Danny, GM forgot to refer to them in their preferred pronoun.

But then I got totally sidetracked by the mention of sex cannons and missed the whole point of the thread anyway.

Only on MN is it attention seeking to announce the sex of the baby to your parents !!

Mumsnet is not some parallel universe, it's made up of real live individual people. You do realise this?!

To be fair, if someone asked you what was the most important thing or the most emotional thing or the most exciting thing, come to that, that happened in your life wouldn't you say giving birth to your first child?

So dismissing OP's feelings about MIL"s behaviour is being disingenuous imv. Things concerning your first baby are hugely important to you.
I assume most people are posting when the first baby's birth is long in the past. Surely you were very excited and sensitive to how other's behaved during your first pregnancy. I don't believe people were as unconcerned and laid back as they sound on here.

The MIL's behaviour is not nice imv and I understand the OP's comments.

menopausal brain fog

She sounds forgetful. Is she ok?

My PIL are fantastic with my oldest and I know in time they will be great with the toddler. They’re not particularly baby people really and were pretty uninterested in my pregnancies (declined a scan invite even!). It wasn’t anything against the baby and they couldn’t be more devoted grandparents.

I am so glad that my family and friends are nothing like some of the awful posters on this thread, how depressing to never be excited about anyone’s news but your own.

OP- if she’s generally lovely that it would be worrying she forgot. From other comments you made about her saying she favours a certain grandchild etc, it doesn’t sound like she’s genuinely lovely. So in that case she either doesn’t care and genuinely forgot as it didn’t register, or she knows and thinks it will wind you up. Either way I just wouldn’t rise to it, just smile sweetly and say ‘a girl’ and change the subject.

Congratulations on your baby girl!

Your not even concerned about her health more so that she forgot.

It probably just slipped her mind.

My mother struggled with memory in her late 50s. Diagnosed at 62 with vascular dementia. Maybe she is struggling and trying to hide it.

I am so glad that my family and friends are nothing like some of the awful posters on this thread, how depressing to never be excited about anyone’s news but your own

No one has said that Most grandparents don’t care about their grandchildren. I know I am generalising here, but most care a great deal about the health and welfare of their Gc and their DD / DIL when she is pg. They care about a safe delivery for both.

They are old enough to know of women and babies who die in child birth or shortly afterwards. They understand the lifelong consequences of birth related injuries and disabilities.

So they DO care, they just care about different things.

Many of them can’t get so excited about the baby being a boy or a girl. They understand biology and they know that the baby is without doubt a boy or a girl and has been since the moment of conception. So it’s hard to get ecstatic when that News is announced with a fanfare and everyone is obliged to show fake excitement.

They come from a generation where gender stereotypes for babies and children were seen as a bad thing, not the massively important and all consuming thing that they are to many young parents now.

They pushed their kids in a pram. It was NEVER pink or blue And it was passed down for other kids. It’s wasn’t a status symbol the way it is now.

So they don’t care that you are so happy to have a girl because you can buy a load of expensive pink themed crap To show off to your friends and post on your insta. They think that’s all a load of nonsense but they try to politely ‘smile and nod’ to humour you.

They worry that if your “ gender scan “ is wrong, you will be devastated at the birth of the Wrong Baby, because The Gender has become such A Thing to you.

Its hard to get on board with the whole pink balloon thing, if you believe that girls should be free to like any colour / do anything / be anything , regardless of their biology.

While young mums are celebrating gender and forcing it on their kids, many of their parents have sinking hearts because it’s all so regressive.

So knock yourself out with your gender reveals and stereotypes. But don’t expect everyone else to go along with it. Don’t accuse them of ‘not caring’ because they do care, very much.

SEX

@Whatisthisfuckery

Are you going for being the 8 millionth person to mention this, or just telling us what you're doing this evening?

@ALLIS0N

Those are a lot of assumptions you are making about why people want to know whether they're having a girl or a boy

People want to know so they must be the type to buy an expensive pram?

Are you this pissy and judgmental in real life too?

@ALLIS0N

I am so glad that my family and friends are nothing like some of the awful posters on this thread, how depressing to never be excited about anyone’s news but your own

No one has said that Most grandparents don’t care about their grandchildren. I know I am generalising here, but most care a great deal about the health and welfare of their Gc and their DD / DIL when she is pg. They care about a safe delivery for both.

They are old enough to know of women and babies who die in child birth or shortly afterwards. They understand the lifelong consequences of birth related injuries and disabilities.

So they DO care, they just care about different things.

Many of them can’t get so excited about the baby being a boy or a girl. They understand biology and they know that the baby is without doubt a boy or a girl and has been since the moment of conception. So it’s hard to get ecstatic when that News is announced with a fanfare and everyone is obliged to show fake excitement.

They come from a generation where gender stereotypes for babies and children were seen as a bad thing, not the massively important and all consuming thing that they are to many young parents now.

They pushed their kids in a pram. It was NEVER pink or blue And it was passed down for other kids. It’s wasn’t a status symbol the way it is now.

So they don’t care that you are so happy to have a girl because you can buy a load of expensive pink themed crap To show off to your friends and post on your insta. They think that’s all a load of nonsense but they try to politely ‘smile and nod’ to humour you.

They worry that if your “ gender scan “ is wrong, you will be devastated at the birth of the Wrong Baby, because The Gender has become such A Thing to you.

Its hard to get on board with the whole pink balloon thing, if you believe that girls should be free to like any colour / do anything / be anything , regardless of their biology.

While young mums are celebrating gender and forcing it on their kids, many of their parents have sinking hearts because it’s all so regressive.

So knock yourself out with your gender reveals and stereotypes. But don’t expect everyone else to go along with it. Don’t accuse them of ‘not caring’ because they do care, very much.

This is incredibly harsh and extremely patronising. What is wrong with you?

I'm not surprised your MIL forgot your child's gender! Facebook has over 70, BBC thinks there are around 100, a police force in England puts it at over 370 and a video I watched the speaker thinks there may be as many genders as there are humans on the planet.

Be kind to her. It's hard to remember al the genders. I know I forget them all the time. I think I can remember about 6.

a police force in England puts it at over 370
What the fuck?! Why are the police sticking their beaks in in the first place, never mind announcing that we need be mindful of three hundred and fucking seventy different ways various idiots choose to express themselves because it's now enshrined in law?
The world has gone fucking mad.

SEX

CANNON!!

I'm not surprised your MIL forgot your child's gender! Facebook has over 70, BBC thinks there are around 100, a police force in England puts it at over 370 and a video I watched the speaker thinks there may be as many genders as there are humans on the planet.

Be kind to her. It's hard to remember al the genders. I know I forget them all the time. I think I can remember about 6.

Oh ffs. You know that OP means sex and said ‘it’s a girl.’ Why try to turn this thread into something it’s not. Weird.

Also just as weird are the people trying to say that it’s common to forget when your son and DIL tell you whether they’re having a boy or a girl. It’s not common. OP had explained this woman never asks how she is, takes no interest and makes nasty comments. Yet everyone’s saying she may have dementia. The most likely thing is that she’s just a nasty cow.

Are you going for being the 8 millionth person to mention this, or just telling us what you're doing this evening?

🤣 It must be crap sex if she’s typing at the same time, and in bold as well !
Whatisthisfuckery You could pop over to the sex topic for some advice if you need love. HTH.

@SciFiScream

I'm not surprised your MIL forgot your child's gender! Facebook has over 70, BBC thinks there are around 100, a police force in England puts it at over 370 and a video I watched the speaker thinks there may be as many genders as there are humans on the planet.

Be kind to her. It's hard to remember al the genders. I know I forget them all the time. I think I can remember about 6.

A prime example of someone who didn't even read the opening post but responded purely to the fecking TITLE of the thread.

And this is why it's important not to conflate gender and sex. Just to be the 8million-and-oneth person to say so

Also - yes, it's fucking ridiculous and they're completely taking the piss now. it's utter fucking nonsense.

And this is why it's important not to conflate gender and sex. Just to be the 8million-and-oneth person to say so

Isn't it 8 million and 1st?

well yes. But I felt like being original.