MIL forgot DCs gender

[SqidgeBum]

This may be my hormones getting to my head, so I need some straight opinions. I am 30 weeks pregnant with DC2. At 20 weeks, during lockdown, we had a gender reveal on video chat to my family and DHs family. Since then I have seen my MIL basically every week as we visit a lot.

Last night, on a family group chat, my SIL told us a friend of hers has found out they are having a boy. My MIL went on to ask me 'do you know what you are having yet?'. She genuinely completely forgot that we had a gender reveal, or even what gender our baby is, her own grandchild. She only has two grandkids. This is her third. She is in her 50s, so not old or senile. She has no problem remembering anything else. She literally just forget we ever said what gender our baby is.

When I thought about it, she never asks about me or the baby. She doesnt know when my due date is. When I had the 20 week scan she never asked how it went. She hasn't had a conversation with me about this baby at all except to make snide comments about us living so far away and me not 'including' her ..... we live 40 mins away. She comes and wants me to make her a cup of tea and then she naps on my couch.

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before. DH is ignoring it. He doesnt seem too bothered. They are not a family who communicate well so this will just never be mentioned again. I still dont even know if she now remembers the gender as I just stopped messaging.

AIBU to be either angry at her or concerned about her memory (mostly angry admittedly)? Is DH right to think this is nothing?

Ugh some horrible mean behaviour on this thread - get a grip people, don’t like G reveals - fine, no need to lose your shit though

Why do people get so spiteful about things like baby showers, gender reveals and non medical scans?. Some people like to do these things for a bit of fun, what difference does it make to your life that justifies being so bloody nasty? I can only imagine some of the posters on this thread are incredible jealous and living unfulfilled lives.

As for your MIL I wouldn’t sweat it. As someone said menopause can do funny things, I remember my DM having a complete melt down because she couldn’t understand why the car kept stalling, she had forgotten to take the handbrake off. Sometimes stress can stop people retaining information and this summer has been quite stressful for many people. It doesn’t necessarily reflect how she feels about you or the baby.

FYI - my own ‘reveal’ consisted of me calling parents and saying “we found out it’s a girl” (Second child, we didn’t find out for first) and it was a lovely happy moment. You bought a balloon for a bit of a visual prop, good for you. Ignore the dicks.

@IndiaMay

I dont really understand why people find out the babies sex before its born. Cant anyone wait for anything any more

I waited the first time, thought it would be this lovely special moment finding out, in reality it was a good 20mins or so after birth when someone said ‘he’ and I was like “oh was it a boy?” The second time I found out at a private scan and really enjoyed imagining pretty girl things and buying the odd non neutral item during pregnancy. If I ever had another I’d do the same.

I was expecting a thread about pronouns.

Gone are the days of .... “it’s a boy/ girl” phone call.

Nothing to get worked up about. You wanted to make a big announcement. That does equate to everyone else is sooooo excited. I genuinely find it attention seeking behaviour and switch off,

@seayork2020

If I become a grandmother I will want to know the baby and mother are safe and well and the pregnancy went ok for them. I will not care whether it is a boy or girl

Yes obviously.

And you might not care which, but you still might well be interested.

One doesn't negate the other.

@chubbyhotchoc

You do have to realise that people are not really interested in babies before they're born even then unless it's your own, the interest is minimal. Gender reveals have a very limited audience.

ODFOD

@IndiaMay

No I know, just cant understand it

If you already have children it's useful information regarding what you might need.

There may be health implications.

Whenever you find out, it's a surprise and it's still a surprise when you meet your baby 'in person'

It doesn't hurt anyone, does it?

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

I wanted one moment where this baby made me and others smile, not cry. That will probably come when a baby is actually here. How can you expect others to get excited like you when all they see is you have a lump?

Do you know 'the others'?

No? Then you have no idea of their level of care or interest.

We're not all miserable cows like some on here.

If one of your family/friends is pregnant and they tell you the sex of the baby, you don’t forget. It’s ridiculous to say otherwise.

Jesus there are some snide, nasty comments here. Are you honestly saying that if your son or daughter told you the sex of your expected grandchild you wouldn't give a shit? How joyless!

@Soontobe60

Your mil is if an age when she may be struggling with menopausal symptoms, which include forgetfulness and fatigue. Oh, and babies don’t have a gender, it’s SEX.

Yeah we all go dolally in the menopause.🙄 With best intent op, this is the centre of your universe right now. Even for doting gps it might not be. Chill. And never, ever gender it’s sex.

And never, ever gender it’s sex.

Really? This is brand new information and definitely hasn't been said twice per page minimum.

Think about why it has to be continually repeated.

Have you gone OP? I wouldn't blame you... Anyway this stuck out to me from your post:

They are not a family who communicate well

I married into one of these. Your going to have to work out how to deal with this. With gritted teeth 😬😬

Ugh, *you're

With best intent op, this is the centre of your universe right now. Even for doting gps it might not be.

So you think it’s normal for the someone to forget whether their son and DIL are having a boy or a girl once they’ve been told. Mumsnet is like another planet sometimes. It is not normal !

Well I’ve recently become a grandmother for the first time and I was crazily excited to hear what sex my grandson was when daughter went for her 20wk scan, so I really don’t understand those saying nobody but the parents cares Daughter didn’t do a big reveal though, and maybe after a couple more grandchildren I’ll become as jaded and disinterested as people on this thread. Hope not though.

@Thisismytimetoshine

Think about why it has to be continually repeated.

What's the reason it has to be repeated 27 times at the same OP? Please do enlighten me.

So many cunty replies in this thread. Lol why are some of you attacking a pregnant woman?
Not everyone gives a shit whether it's gender or sex, deal with it. And some people enjoy gender reveal parties (not sex revelations) 🙄
God forbid some people have fun.

To OP, I do think YABU and to just let it go, but I understand your reasoning behind it.

I'm 50, extremely tired and forgetful with being premenopausal!! Be patient.

@Coffeeandbeans

I hear you coffeean ... sorry, what was your name again? 😉

@ILoveFood87

I'm in my 30s and my short term memory is shocking my SIL handed out bday cake at a small gathering the other day then had been in the house doing something (I was in the garden) she came out and I said oh you missed the cake. I could not remember her handling it out to everyone in the garden including me. I forget most conversations and will repeat questions all the time. No diagnosis but I'm pretty sure when I'm old I'm going to have dementia or something like both my grandparents. I couldn't remember my newborn nephews name for months so call him baby.

Not to worry you, but you don't have to be 'old' to get dementia. People are actually diagnosed in their 30s.. Your memory loss does sound extreme - I would see medical advice if you haven't already.

Is MIL generally forgetful recently, if she forget this news and falls asleep on your sofa I’d be more concerned about if she was ok? Congratulations to on your baby girl.

I’m not going to get onto the ins and outs of specifics about this, possible issues with her memory etc - what I will say is that, unfortunately, you can’t make her into the person you wish she was. You can’t make her be the excited loving granny you want for your children. Some people are just a bit moany and self centred, and you just have to accept that you can’t choose your relations or your partner’s relations, and develop coping strategies, and adjust your expectations accordingly. Congratulations on your pregnancy op, and i hope that you have other family and friends you can share your happiness with