MIL forgot DCs gender

[SqidgeBum]

This may be my hormones getting to my head, so I need some straight opinions. I am 30 weeks pregnant with DC2. At 20 weeks, during lockdown, we had a gender reveal on video chat to my family and DHs family. Since then I have seen my MIL basically every week as we visit a lot.

Last night, on a family group chat, my SIL told us a friend of hers has found out they are having a boy. My MIL went on to ask me 'do you know what you are having yet?'. She genuinely completely forgot that we had a gender reveal, or even what gender our baby is, her own grandchild. She only has two grandkids. This is her third. She is in her 50s, so not old or senile. She has no problem remembering anything else. She literally just forget we ever said what gender our baby is.

When I thought about it, she never asks about me or the baby. She doesnt know when my due date is. When I had the 20 week scan she never asked how it went. She hasn't had a conversation with me about this baby at all except to make snide comments about us living so far away and me not 'including' her ..... we live 40 mins away. She comes and wants me to make her a cup of tea and then she naps on my couch.

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before. DH is ignoring it. He doesnt seem too bothered. They are not a family who communicate well so this will just never be mentioned again. I still dont even know if she now remembers the gender as I just stopped messaging.

AIBU to be either angry at her or concerned about her memory (mostly angry admittedly)? Is DH right to think this is nothing?

Just shows you how many people read a title and bowl on in without reading it, their nasty little fingers twitching away.

Yep. It's grim how nasty some people can be on here.

If you liked and trusted your MIL this incident wouldn't matter, you's give her the benefit of the doubt and even make a joke of it.

From what you say there's been 'form' in your relationship with MIL and you don't give her the benefit of the doubt.

What you have to do I think is try to honestly face inside yourself if you really don't like her and why. Then try to see if she's really being nasty, insensitive etc or whether your dislike is clouding the issues. From what you write it could be either way.

But best of luck with your DD to be. At least your DH isn't completely on her side.

And I'm a total grumpy twat most of the time but honestly it really does make me feel quite grossed out.

Think the OP has been very dignified. Hope it doesn't get to her.

@SqidgeBum crikey you are getting some harsh responses on here. It seems very strange of her to have “forgotten” such lovely news. Sounds like there might be some unpleasant family dynamics going on in there somewhere. No need to share anything else with her so she doesn’t have to worry about holding on to the info
BTW I’m in my 50s still managing to function in my stressful job and don’t need a nap after a 40 minute drive!

YABU - it isn't "gender" - it's sex.

I wanted one moment where this baby made me and others smile, not cry.
That will probably come when a baby is actually here. How can you expect others to get excited like you when all they see is you have a lump?

I know what @longcoffee is having.
I hope your family aren't on MN!

And I want a sex cannon.

I’m your MILs age and when I was pregnant the quality of a scan image wasn’t as good as now and we were told not to rely on what you were told (which rarely happened) or thought we saw at the scans as it couldn’t be relied on. Perhaps because of this old attitude your MIL took your reveal (or revelation) with a pinch of salt and didn’t realise it was definite.

I’m glad you had a happy moment when you made your Zoom announcement. Don’t let your MILs forgetfulness spoil it. If it’s any comfort my MIL often calls DH by his sisters name so she’s clearly still uncertain of his gender. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him.

Op, I think people are being unfair to you.

Yes I think it’s really upsetting and strange that your MIL forgot the sex of her new grandchild. It gives the impression that she hasn’t been thinking about this new grandchild at all. It seems that on MN only a parent should be interested in their child, and a grandparent that takes no interest at all is quite ok.

@SchadenfreudePersonified yes you're the millionth person to say that

It sounds like you have concerns about your relationship with her generally op?

12:26Polnm

You had a gender reveal?

That is called giving birth.

😂😂😂😂😂

Hello @SqidgeBum and many congratulations on your little girl
This thread did definitely become a pile on!
I'm a grandmother in my 50s and I'd be horrified at myself if I forgot whether a member of my family was having a boy or a girl
She sounds very uncaring, to be honest.
I'm sorry she's made you feel less than.
Big hugs (when is baby due?)

I'm 50:50 OP, I literally have things drop out of my brain instantly in Meno. It's not awful in itself that she didn't retain it. (And good for you making the best of a bad situation in lockdown and bringing people some fun and positive news). But some of her behaviour towards your child sounds unpleasant or abusive, and so, in context, I can see why it is an issue. The trick is not to let yourself get entwined in her weird dynamic. Think of her like an odd aunt you don't much like and minimise how much you care about what she does.

@Pogmella

I had a private scan and was a bit that they were selling ‘gender cannons’ full of coloured confetti- then I realised no one wants to buy a sex cannon to let off in the house...

I was completely distracted from the rest of this thread by 'sex cannon'

@SqidgeBum

You are all a bit hung up about this 'reveal' arent you?

We said 'it's a girl!'. I bought a pink balloon. That was it. I found out I was pregnant the week before lockdown. I told my mother over Skype. I puked for 10 weeks solid while in lockdown with a toddler. I wanted one moment where this baby made me and others smile, not cry.

But ok, a reveal is cringy. I get it. Can we move away from that now?

Bless you, OP, it seems the wolves are out today on MN.

Congratulations on your baby girl and I bet MIL will be over the moon when she arrives x

@CareBear50

12:26Polnm

You had a gender reveal?

That is called giving birth.

😂😂😂😂😂

Oh yet another bitchy poster sniggering away at snarky comments by posters who think they’re much cleverer than they are. This place is like the school playground sometimes.

My mum had this and about the same age..

I wouldnt call it any medically related yet but i can tell shes had lapses and i was completely baffled! Looking back, i think couple of her cousins have this and currently my gran is completely off ☹️

Oh and yes my mum is in her 50s and going through menopause.

My MIL is lovely, but we don't live close, so whilst she loves my kids, she knows, and is so much more involved with my BIL's children, and there's no point getting miffed about that, it's just human nature

As to forgetting the sex, I can't remember when we told her about DS2, but I absolutely know that by then, she had 3 other grandchildren, so things didn't stick as well as they did when it was just DS1! And again, I couldn't fault her for that.

If she is otherwise lovely, I'd just go with that, and figure there's a lot on, so stuff gets temporarily forgotten sometimes

@Stackys

Wow, I can be a bit of a cunt at times but even I think mumsnet is becoming horribly nasty. What is wrong with some of you?

I was thinking the same thing, what the hell is wrong with some of the posters on here. I'm no angel but FFS talk about an unnecessary pile on.

@SqidgeBum, most people on here are genuinely nice people, you seem to have stumbled upon some right fucking arseholes. Don't take it to heart, it's not you, it's them.

(I do think YABU about your MIL, but hormones can do that to you! )

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before

I wouldn't take it personally - lots of people find it difficult to retain abstract information that has no tangible meaning in their life. It won't have meaning to her until the baby is born so it's easy to forget. Ditto re due dates.

Plus, video chats can be a difficult medium for some people to take in information through - it's akin to the passive way people watch TV and forget stuff, and since she's not of a generation that's grown up using that tech, it might have passed her by and/or she might have misremembered it as something she saw on TV, etc.

I don't think the fact she forgot some abstract information from a video call in itself indicates she's got some concerning medical issue!

You do have to realise that people are not really interested in babies before they're born even then unless it's your own, the interest is minimal. Gender reveals have a very limited audience.

I had a private scan and was a bit hmm that they were selling ‘gender cannons’ full of coloured confetti- then I realised no one wants to buy a sex cannon to let off in the house...

I wonder if the second baby is the reason?
People are often really excited about a first baby, but a second seems to lack the fanfare of the first.

At least she didn't call the baby ''It''!- That can be quite hurtful.