MIL forgot DCs gender

[SqidgeBum]

This may be my hormones getting to my head, so I need some straight opinions. I am 30 weeks pregnant with DC2. At 20 weeks, during lockdown, we had a gender reveal on video chat to my family and DHs family. Since then I have seen my MIL basically every week as we visit a lot.

Last night, on a family group chat, my SIL told us a friend of hers has found out they are having a boy. My MIL went on to ask me 'do you know what you are having yet?'. She genuinely completely forgot that we had a gender reveal, or even what gender our baby is, her own grandchild. She only has two grandkids. This is her third. She is in her 50s, so not old or senile. She has no problem remembering anything else. She literally just forget we ever said what gender our baby is.

When I thought about it, she never asks about me or the baby. She doesnt know when my due date is. When I had the 20 week scan she never asked how it went. She hasn't had a conversation with me about this baby at all except to make snide comments about us living so far away and me not 'including' her ..... we live 40 mins away. She comes and wants me to make her a cup of tea and then she naps on my couch.

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before. DH is ignoring it. He doesnt seem too bothered. They are not a family who communicate well so this will just never be mentioned again. I still dont even know if she now remembers the gender as I just stopped messaging.

AIBU to be either angry at her or concerned about her memory (mostly angry admittedly)? Is DH right to think this is nothing?

Wow, some people are so nasty! So what if OP had a gender reveal (which was just a video call and a pink balloon FYI during a pandemic) Being pregnant during this time can't be easy, especially in the early stages- she wouldn't have had as much support from family and friends as in previous pregnancies. I personally don't see the problem with gender reveals? surely it's just a gathering and a little celebration. No harm done. People are so quick to jump and attack others for doing things differently to how they would do things and its so mean and unnecessary.

For what it's worth i think its weird a grandmother wouldn't remember the video call where they had the gender reveal! Its a nasty feeling when you don't feel supported by in laws/family. Me and my SIL had miscarriages at the same time during lockdown and my MIL was far more supportive of SIL (she is with the golden child) and it is very hurtful so i get it.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy OP and enjoy your little girl

yes, dh is right to think it's nothing. You are right to think its your hormones.
Couldn't tell you much about ds1 2nd baby due next month sometime.
Yep they've had lots of scans, they don't normally tell me when they are and I don't ask. I presume they'll tell me if they want to.
I'll love this one as much as i love her sister, I was convinced it would be a boy, but I can remember the gender, just. Also in my 50's.

Still chuckling at sex cannon.
OP I reckon you're annoyed at your MIL for more than forgetting the sex of your baby. This I can understand. My MIL has always been a bit indifferent to my DD but much more engaged with her older DGC.
All I can say is, it is irritating and upsetting at times. Have a moan, let off some steam, but it may not get better!

It sounds like she may have memory problems

• normal if it's due to menopause, but maybe concerning if menopause is many years in her rearview mirror

So I wouldn't mention it, but keep an eye open in case there is more significant deterioration

Oh and you can call it gender reveal or whatever you want - your baby, your choice
although "sex revelation party" and "sex cannon" could have caused later diappointment

Have a moan, let off some steam, but it may not get better!

😂
There speaks a voice of experience!

Some grandparents can be awful with their favourites&c&c
I only had step GP's and they placed me right at the lowest ranking possible.
''Not even a Blood child!''.

😝

@CodenameVillanelle

Gender reveal 🤮 Maybe she blocked it out from cringe She'll love the baby when it's here I'm sure - don't overreact

👍

Maybe your MIL is finding the lockdown/COVID situation stressful, as well as menopause. I think either is enough to cause memory lapses, tiredness and other symptoms of stress. Hopefully she'll be happy for you when the baby arrives.

Oakleaffy
We're the second family. Favoured GC are from the first..
I hear ya!

Hang on a minute, the op said "off I pop" and was then asked not to say that by a pp. Why?

Oh and all this 'no one cares about your baby'. 'No one is interested in what you have' is bollocks to lots of people. I'm interested in my friends and their babies, I think that's normal. Are they important in the sense my own children are? Of course not, but part of being a decent friend is having a little bit of interest in other people.

The next time a friend excitedly wants to tell me what they're having I'll be sure to put my palm in her face and say 'I have to stop you there love, I couldn't give a shit about your baby or what you have, I'm only interested in myself!'.

Also, maybe, gender reveal over skype wasn't that significant? Next time go for one of those 'sex reveal cannons'. She will remember that!

I think the first born in the family gets huge attention then it can dwindle - not with me I will make a point of being equally excited about all GCs but It is often the way ime, and also people want one sex and can be less interested if it's the 'wrong' one.

That's sad for you OP but she sounds a bit of a nightmare so a little amount of interest might be a blessing.

All this thread has taught me is that Ann Summers or Lovehoney or whoever could make absolute millions selling sex cannons to MNers, apparently. “What are you doing at the weekend?” “Oh, you know, DH and I are dressing up like Napoleon and Wellington and letting off the sex cannon.” “Hmm, right, carry on.”

Snobby fuckers are out in force again.

Just because you don't like gender reveals, doesnt mean they should be banned.

Arseholes

also, I guarantee none of you would have the backbone to tell anyone in real life who had a gender reveal what you've said here. That's why you all love this corner of the Internet, because you get to be the big brave person you wish you were in real life lol

@Bluesheep8

Hang on a minute, the op said "off I pop" and was then asked not to say that by a pp. Why?

I think they were joking, making a pun of pop = giving birth

Doubt the op is still reading. But congratulations if you are.

I'd find it strange if my dm or mil had forgotten this information.

Also our parents and siblings were all (genuinely) interested in knowing the sex of our babies (second to knowing they were healthy obviously). This vile "no one cares about your baby" stuff is baffling, and maybe says more about those posting it than anything.

[quote Pogmella]@UnaCorda while you’re grammatically correct everyone knows that a gender reveal party is- a Sex Revelation Party would probably have quite a few declines invites and some embarrassed/disappointed attendees[/quote]
Yes, you're probably right!

There are many reasons to be happy carrying a planned baby eg if you are healthy , your baby is healthy and you are getting pregnancy care and can look forward to a safe and happy delivery. That you have a roof over your head and a husband who loves you.

Yep. All this is but a dream for many women.

We have 3 children and I regularly forget their names and what sex they are. I often forget how many we have but I make sure they are loved.

MN is full of similar issues with parents or in laws. You can really only control your behaviour and your reaction, you cannot change them. I think you need to be completely direct.

If she makes stupid digs about you living too far away, tell her, no we don't it's 40 mins and your always welcome.

If she falls asleep wake her up and tell her your DH will drive her home.

If she plonks down and asks for endless cups of tea, tell her to get off her arse arse and make everyone one.

If she tells you your nephew is her favourite, tell her you all prefer your mother who isn't so rude.

@UnaCorda

(And actually, if I'm being really sniffy about it, the noun is "revelation", not "reveal"...)

"Sex Revelation" sounds much more dramatic than "Gender Reveal".

I now want another baby just so that I can invite everyone to our a Sex Revelation.

My experience of having DC is that you and DH will care far more about these fine details than anyone else.
Honestly even since I’ve had DC myself when friends etc are pregnant even if I’m genuinely excited / happy for them I don’t really care if it’s a boy / girl, got one head or six.
I’ll engage in the ‘how are you doing, is everything going ok with bump, isn’t pregnancy shit chat but that’s about it.
She’ll either be bothered/involved/interested when DC arrives or she won’t.
I presume you’re having a baby because you and DH want a baby, try not to get so caught up in everyone else.
This is your baby, your pregnancy etc. Relax and enjoy it for yourself.
Congrats on your baby girl. I hope all is well and you’re not feeling so unwell now. Look forward to her arrival and enjoy her.

All those posting negatively on this thread. Are you honestly saying that when your DD or DS’s partner is pregnant you really wouldn’t have any interest about the baby at all, and wouldn’t even remember if they told you they were having a boy or girl?

I don't think anyone but the parents care about the sex of a baby