MIL forgot DCs gender

[SqidgeBum]

This may be my hormones getting to my head, so I need some straight opinions. I am 30 weeks pregnant with DC2. At 20 weeks, during lockdown, we had a gender reveal on video chat to my family and DHs family. Since then I have seen my MIL basically every week as we visit a lot.

Last night, on a family group chat, my SIL told us a friend of hers has found out they are having a boy. My MIL went on to ask me 'do you know what you are having yet?'. She genuinely completely forgot that we had a gender reveal, or even what gender our baby is, her own grandchild. She only has two grandkids. This is her third. She is in her 50s, so not old or senile. She has no problem remembering anything else. She literally just forget we ever said what gender our baby is.

When I thought about it, she never asks about me or the baby. She doesnt know when my due date is. When I had the 20 week scan she never asked how it went. She hasn't had a conversation with me about this baby at all except to make snide comments about us living so far away and me not 'including' her ..... we live 40 mins away. She comes and wants me to make her a cup of tea and then she naps on my couch.

I dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before. DH is ignoring it. He doesnt seem too bothered. They are not a family who communicate well so this will just never be mentioned again. I still dont even know if she now remembers the gender as I just stopped messaging.

AIBU to be either angry at her or concerned about her memory (mostly angry admittedly)? Is DH right to think this is nothing?

At least you didn't get accused of finding out the sex, telling everybody else and then lying to her about it. That's what my MIL did.

Only a crap grandmother doesn’t care if her grandchild is a boy or a girl. But there are a lot of them about 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your mil sounds like a bit of a pain. I don't understand how she could forget tbh, the sex of the baby is usually a big deal to the grandparents as well as the parents. My mum is very elderly, she has 40+ grandchildren and 20+ great grand children and has never forgotten what their sex is, before or after birth. Having said that i don't think you should dwell on it. Gender reveals aren't my cup of tea but not everyone is the same, so i think sick emojii's are going a bit far.

I would definitely be alarmed if either my DM or MIL forgot if my unborn child was a boy or a girl. Especially if you made a point of announcing it to her. But I don't think it's worth bringing it up again - based on your other anecdotes, she sounds a tad self-absorbed. Sorry OP 😕

When you know other people with children or having babies etc, you sometimes forget these things (and I'm not a mil and am 40!) Congrats op and best of luck!

@Soontobe60

Your mil is if an age when she may be struggling with menopausal symptoms, which include forgetfulness and fatigue. Oh, and babies don’t have a gender, it’s SEX.

Only a crap grandmother doesn’t care if her grandchild is a boy or a girl. But there are a lot of them about

I didn't care whether my DCs were boys or girls - why is it crap not to care what sex they're going to be?

Why are you trying hard to include someone in your child's life who doesn't treat her mum well ?

Memory is a weird thing sometimes. I have caught myself asking a friend how their mum is even though she had recently told me she’d passed away.

My SIL is only early 40’s and she has no memory of rather interesting family meal that ended in two family members not speaking for 6 months (she was one of them )

Yep. This thread has affirmed that MN is full of arseholes. Bet you wouldn’t say any of this in real life...

@UnaCorda

Why does it have to be a "gender reveal" complete with fanfare and drum roll? You told her the sex of the baby, that's all.

Exactly

Lol one of my cousins forgot I was even pregnant. I think they might be on drugs tho

Well, I think your MIL is a bit an arsehole. I don’t believe for a minute she’s forgot.

I’m in the middle of menopause, and I can tell you I would probably have forgotten you were even pregnant with my memory the way it is now! And not everyone is massively enthusiastic during someone else’s pregnancy. As long as she sees you appear to be well, it would be tedious having to check on you constantly.

YABU

I dont really understand why people find out the babies sex before its born. Cant anyone wait for anything any more

@IndiaMay

Because not everyone thinks the same as you. That doesn’t make you right and them wrong.

No I know, just cant understand it

@IndiaMay

I dont really understand why people find out the babies sex before its born. Cant anyone wait for anything any more

Can you explain to me what is so virtuous about waiting to find out when the baby is born? Literally, why is that in any way ‘better’ than people who choose to find out at 20 weeks? It’s such an odd thing to look down on people about because they’re just two different options, there is nothing that you are ‘achieving’ by waiting to find out at the birth

I chose to find out from the scan both times but that doesn’t mean I don’t have the mental capacity to understand that some people prefer to find out at the birth. To help answer your question, I chose to find out before the birth because I was excited to know, wanted to plan, to feel more connected to the baby and be able to visualise us with our son or daughter. I also wanted to enjoy the moment of finding out when I was fully with it and focussed on that news, not knowing what state I would be in at the birth and whether I’d be with it enough to even take in the information. It was a lovely exciting moment for my husband and I both times and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Surprisingly enough I still had a lot to look forward to about the baby arriving!

I’m 55 menopausal. I can forget my own name at the moment.

We found out the gender of ours recently so we could tell the DC together. One is an SC and they were both hoping for the opposite sex as eachother so we thought it would be an easier way to handle any disappointment (there was none as it turned out)

I’m sure in the past people lived without this capability but we don’t have to. Super excited it’s a girl!

I'm in my 30s and my short term memory is shocking my SIL handed out bday cake at a small gathering the other day then had been in the house doing something (I was in the garden) she came out and I said oh you missed the cake. I could not remember her handling it out to everyone in the garden including me. I forget most conversations and will repeat questions all the time. No diagnosis but I'm pretty sure when I'm old I'm going to have dementia or something like both my grandparents. I couldn't remember my newborn nephews name for months so call him baby.

I dont really understand why people find out the babies sex before its born. Cant anyone wait for anything any more

I was desperate to know with mine. In my opinion, there are already more than enough surprises in the delivery room, especially when it's your first.

* dont know what's worse; that she forget as she genuinely doesnt give a damn about this baby, or she has some medical reason for forgetting which none of us have ever copped before.*

I will tell you what’s worse.
A degenerative brain disease involving loss of cognitive function.

@SqidgeBum

You are all a bit hung up about this 'reveal' arent you?

We said 'it's a girl!'. I bought a pink balloon. That was it. I found out I was pregnant the week before lockdown. I told my mother over Skype. I puked for 10 weeks solid while in lockdown with a toddler. I wanted one moment where this baby made me and others smile, not cry.

But ok, a reveal is cringy. I get it. Can we move away from that now?

Well I think it's a nice thing to do in lockdown. So there. As for MIL , yeah the 50s is when my mum would zone out and forget stuff too ! Good luck with DD