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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you get can possibly get married in secret?

204 replies

Rainbowchampagne · 25/08/2020 07:32

Me and DP would like to get married in our local registry office just us two.

They only accommodate this sort of ceremony Monday - Thursday, which means my chosen witnesses wouldn’t be able to come

How on earth can you get married in secret if you have no witnesses? I darent do the whole “pulling people off the street”

I won’t be having a photographer or anything and even so, that would only be one witness

Has anyone done this successfully?

OP posts:
Yesterdayforgotten · 25/08/2020 08:47

Oh and the reason I know is because I got married using strangers off the street (2 lovely ladies who just happened to be walking by) and it was one of the best things I've ever done!!

Elmo230885 · 25/08/2020 08:47

I'm well placed for South Yorkshire and North Lincolnshire... Just saying Halo

Stonerosie67 · 25/08/2020 08:51

Just wondering, how many of these family and friends although more specifically parents, were really "totally happy' for you, but privately were absolutely gutted to not even have been told their son or daughter was getting married?

Wiaa · 25/08/2020 08:54

Our registrar pulled people off the street for us, it was Gretna green though

Pertella · 25/08/2020 08:55

I'll do it if you're in essex!

Fairyliz · 25/08/2020 08:56

Me me me I’ll be your witness. I’ve always wanted to do this Grin

DrDetriment · 25/08/2020 08:58

I was a secret MN witness last year. It was a lovely couple who we didn't meet until a few minutes before the ceremony and we all went for tea afterwards. They said it was the perfect way to do it.

TheFaerieQueene · 25/08/2020 08:58

I was a witness for a MN Secret wedding a few years ago. It was lovely.

Hoppymclimpy · 25/08/2020 08:58

We had a 'secret' wedding. We each chose our best mate as a witness so no family at all. We asked them a month beforehand if they could get the day off.... my best mate even said 'what, are you getting married ha ha ha' 🤣.
I was still teaching at the time and went and saw my headteacher to ask for the day off! He was so excited to 'know' that we even made up an appointment for me to write down on the requesting leave form.
In the day, the 4 of us rocked up to the registry office.... we were married in an actual office, the registrar took the phone off the hook and stopped the printer. Despite the less than romantic surroundings, it was perfect. We both ended up sobbing during the vows and on the way to the pub afterwards we found a council worker in the park to take some photos on our mates phone (as his had the best camera).
We phoned both sets of parents afterwards.... both chuffed and I still love telling people about the day. We wanted to be married but both if us didn't want a big wedding. DD loves listening to our story and 12 years on we are still going strong. Do it OP!

nannybeach · 25/08/2020 09:01

I know every time I say this people get shirty, good luck with getting married in a Registry Office, they only register Title Deeds,land,property, and then people say, its only a word,only a couple of letters different, yes, and how many people get into problems usually of the financial kind, because they do not pay attention to the small print in contracts, etc.Why get married in secret, have just put a similar post on here. We had been married before, had 4 DKs, 2 mortgages, very little money, but wanted it to be a bit special, so booked Gretna Green, we live the complete end of the country, so it would mean a night in a Hotel, and because it's Gretna, not cheap, just about afford the night train up and a night in a Hotel,all booked, DH casually mentioned to MIL, that we were having a nice quiet wedding, not telling her where.(for the record,no relationship,there, she had walked out when he was small) she went berserk, said we couldnt get married without her,then it all started cancelled Gretna, booked 3 separate Register Offices,,getting bigger and bigger, plus places for meal, lost our deposit every single time,in the end I went into the lounge crying my eyes out,said to my (now) DH, that if his M said one more word, the wedding was off, he laughed, I meant it,We ended up having our Honeymoon before the wedding, we couldn't afford to cancel and loose the money, We were just going to grab 2 people off the street as witnesses in Gretna. Had our twenty year anniversary, and I am still angry I didnt get MY wedding, but someone elses, because everyone (yes, including me!!) were too scared to stand up to a bully

ColdCottage · 25/08/2020 09:06

5pm wedding after school.

drumandthebass · 25/08/2020 09:07

Northamptonshire here

ShinyMe · 25/08/2020 09:12

Why would teachers have to wait til February? There's october and Christmas before then...

Megan2018 · 25/08/2020 09:13

We got married on our own at a hotel and they provided witnesses (staff).

SleepingStandingUp · 25/08/2020 09:14

@MaskingForIt

There’s no such thing as a “registry office”. It is a “register office”, or a “registration office”. If you’re going to do it, at least know what you’re doing.
Oh no, perhaps they'll been op from the building for using widely accepted and understood terminology. Perhaps they'll tell everyone and op will never be able to get married because she doesn't know what she's doing!
SerenityNowwwww · 25/08/2020 09:16

Will you tell people after?

I worked with someone who married her boyfriend (immigration thing but it was the plan anyway) and after ten years she still hadn’t told her family - the longer it got, the stranger it would have been to tell them so she just didn’t. I wonder if she ever did!

totallyyesno · 25/08/2020 09:17

@nannybeach

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/registry-office

TeaOneSugar · 25/08/2020 09:17

I was a witness for my line manager (at the time) years ago, they wanted to get married but didn't want any fuss so asked two people from work, he had the day off and we met them at the RA, we all went out for a nice lunch then left them to it.

Lockdownhairdontcare · 25/08/2020 09:18

What about October break or the Christmas holidays?

Emeraldshamrock · 25/08/2020 09:20

I saw a few Mnetters over the years help out as a marriage witness.

GilbertMarkham · 25/08/2020 09:20

I organised a photographer and asked if she could bring someone; which she did.

It could be a relatively cheap photography package and you might find you appreciate some nice, professional snaps to look at.

cashewsoralmonds · 25/08/2020 09:21

We married in secret whilst the kids were at school. Found 2 witnesses on the nearby high street as no one walks by the registry office. None of our friends/relatives know 8 years later. Only our accountant knows as we did it for tax reasons but we had a lovely day. Definitely recommend it. We targeted mature ladies to ask to be witnesses and they were so happy to do it. Good luck.

Yesterdayforgotten · 25/08/2020 09:23

‘ Just wondering, how many of these family and friends although more specifically parents, were really "totally happy' for you, but privately were absolutely gutted to not even have been told their son or daughter was getting married?’

It’s not about them though is it? It is about nobody but the couple getting married. I hate when families make weddings about them. Also there is no rule that the family doesn’t need to know beforehand. Mine knew.

scubadive · 25/08/2020 09:24

It’s very hurtful not to invite your parents. Why do that to them if you have an ok relationship?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/08/2020 09:24

choose different witnesses that are local and can be free for an hour during the day?

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