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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think its no bloody wonder theyre fat?

260 replies

ImFree2doasiwant · 23/08/2020 23:27

My family members. Namely mum and sister.

(I might add, I am also a bit overweight, but trying sucessfully but slowly, REALLY bloody hard to lose it)

Every single family occasion goes like this. Me and dsis taking DC on a day trip. Organising picnic. I say I'll do mine and hers. I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each. She is bringing a nice uncut loaf and butter. I've got rolls already. She has got a couple of "nice salad bits" (This will be coleslaw, couscous, bean salad etc. ) we don't need 2 or 3 more boxes of salad bits, as ive made us both a substantial, varied, filling lunch. It has cost me about £5 each. (Not complaining about the cost)

Ds birthday. Family gathering. I message to say I have stuff for a bbq. I list burgers, sausages, chicken skewers, Some marinated chicken. Lots of sides. Both ask if I need anything. No. I don't need anything else. Both arrive with huge HUGE quantities of food. I had got more than enough for Everyone. One of them brought about twice the amount I had, and the other about the same as I had. I find it really annoying, it's as if I can't possibly have provided enough food . And it irritates me that I could have just not bothered and there would still have been too much.

Yet both, one in particular, does nothing but complain about being very overweight. Surely if someone says "I'll provide lunch" you don't need to then add a load more extra stuff in.

OP posts:
WelcomeToGreenvale · 23/08/2020 23:30

OK? Doesn't really seem like your business. Maybe they just don't like your food.

latticechaos · 23/08/2020 23:32

I feel this is judgemental, and about family. So for that I'm going yabu.

DocOfTheBay · 23/08/2020 23:33

Hard to say.

If they eat extra as a result of all this providing, then yes, no wonder.

On the other hand you seem to control the menu a lot by offering to do the food and then complaining if anyone adds anything.

It is usual on picnics, BBQs etc for everyone to pitch in and bring stuff to share.

PersonaNonGarter · 23/08/2020 23:33

I would always take food to a picnic or bbq, really. So I think you can’t be too annoyed. Why are you annoyed? They can’t be overweight from picnics and bbqs.

DocOfTheBay · 23/08/2020 23:34

Why does 'every single family occasion' entail you insisting on providing a lunchbox, instead of everyone bringing stuff to share? Or bringing their own lunch box?

ImFree2doasiwant · 23/08/2020 23:34

Of course what they eat is up to them. If you go to someone elses house for a small bbq and they ask you to bring burgers, would you take burgers, sausages, 4 sorts of chicken including 30 drumsticks, bread, salad, potatos, bread, dessert, crisps.....

OP posts:
ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 23/08/2020 23:35

My guess is you make them feel like they can’t relax and eat what they want too so they bring extra.
Do you make comments about portion sizes? Do you talk about your diet all the time? Or do you save your selfrighteousness for Mumsnet?

ZolaGrey · 23/08/2020 23:35

Literally none of your business. Good lord.

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2020 23:36

You sound really unpleasant.

namesnamesnamesnames · 23/08/2020 23:36

People feel polite to contribute. That's just the way it is. I wouldn't feel happy turning up at a picnic and not taking food to add to the selection.

Smallsteps88 · 23/08/2020 23:37

Maybe you should just stop providing food when you know they’ll bring more anyway.

Also salad “bits”

SillyCow6 · 23/08/2020 23:37

Maybe they dont have the heart to tell you but they dont like your food?

Whatever the reason, I dont see what the big deal is. Their weight is their own business, no one elses, and I think YABVU to think in such a mean way about family. As if being fat is the worst thing a person could be

ImFree2doasiwant · 23/08/2020 23:38

@DocOfTheBay the bbq was my small DCs birthday and I didn't want it to be too OTT. Otherwise, it's usual for us to all chip in. Dsis said she had stuff for the children, so I said I'd do mine and hers.

We do all chip in, but whatever I say or am told to provide, is always also brought by at least 2 others.

OP posts:
Meatshake · 23/08/2020 23:38

You sound like the food police. Chill out!

EnoughAlready2020 · 23/08/2020 23:39

OP you're horrid. If they didn't bring anything you'd probably complain on here that they were CF. It's lovely they're always contributing and quite frankly the title of your thread is nasty.

Smallsteps88 · 23/08/2020 23:39

@ShouldWeChangeTheBulb

My guess is you make them feel like they can’t relax and eat what they want too so they bring extra. Do you make comments about portion sizes? Do you talk about your diet all the time? Or do you save your selfrighteousness for Mumsnet?
Yep. They bring their own because OP feeds them what she thinks they should have, not what they actually want to have, and as adults, they are allowed to decide for themselves.
OuterSpaceGirl · 23/08/2020 23:39

They sound really lovely and generous. Their weight is a separate issue.

CrazyOldBagLady · 23/08/2020 23:40

I'm sure you are correct, people mainly get fat from eating too much. I suspect they are happy with this however and find your portions too small. Your description of a salad and a small roll doesn't sound like something filling to fuel a whole day out. It probably sounds like punishment to someone who likes to scoff a buttered loaf.

Stonerosie67 · 23/08/2020 23:41

Maybe they're OTT.
Maybe you think you provide plenty of food whereas in reality your portions are meagre
Maybe they don't like being told exactly what they can and can't eat.
Maybe they're trying to be kind.

Candyflosscookie · 23/08/2020 23:41

Of course what they eat is up to them. If you go to someone elses house for a small bbq and they ask you to bring burgers, would you take burgers, sausages, 4 sorts of chicken including 30 drumsticks, bread, salad, potatos, bread, dessert, crisps.....

Sounds awesome! They are the kind of generous guests I'd love at a BBQ not least cos it would mean I'd probably not need to buy food for my family for several days as we can enjoy leftovers. I'd like to be their friends 😄 you OP maybe not so much. What's wrong with people contributing to shared meals?

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2020 23:42

I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each.

That doesn’t sound like a very filling lunch to me. I’d have brought more.

Tanfastic · 23/08/2020 23:42

I dunno, my family does this and we're not fat.

Candyflosscookie · 23/08/2020 23:43

Especially ones who bring bread twice 😆

Honeybobbin · 23/08/2020 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 23/08/2020 23:44

Unless you are having bbqs and picnics every day then no this is not related to their weight. Also it’s good for everyone there, not just the 3 of you. Perhaps they think you are a bit stingy on quantities, who knows. Sounds like you all have a lovely time anyway Hmm

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