To think its no bloody wonder theyre fat?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

My family members. Namely mum and sister.

(I might add, I am also a bit overweight, but trying sucessfully but slowly, REALLY bloody hard to lose it)

Every single family occasion goes like this. Me and dsis taking DC on a day trip. Organising picnic. I say I'll do mine and hers. I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each. She is bringing a nice uncut loaf and butter. I've got rolls already. She has got a couple of "nice salad bits" (This will be coleslaw, couscous, bean salad etc. ) we don't need 2 or 3 more boxes of salad bits, as ive made us both a substantial, varied, filling lunch. It has cost me about £5 each. (Not complaining about the cost)

Ds birthday. Family gathering. I message to say I have stuff for a bbq. I list burgers, sausages, chicken skewers, Some marinated chicken. Lots of sides. Both ask if I need anything. No. I don't need anything else. Both arrive with huge HUGE quantities of food. I had got more than enough for Everyone. One of them brought about twice the amount I had, and the other about the same as I had. I find it really annoying, it's as if I can't possibly have provided enough food . And it irritates me that I could have just not bothered and there would still have been too much.

Yet both, one in particular, does nothing but complain about being very overweight. Surely if someone says "I'll provide lunch" you don't need to then add a load more extra stuff in.

You sound miserable op.

@managedmis thats the issue. Every single visit means cake. Every coffee out, every day out, every bbq is an "occasion" for overeating. It's not just "special" occasions it's whenever one pops round to another, which is often daily

Just make less next time - they're being generous,bringing stuff. Just factor it in next time?

So if it's every occasion, why don't you do less? Or put your feet up and let them bring food and if need be, contribute whatever they don't bring. Like your 2 calorie salads. You sound petty and obnoxious. Go out and get yourself some real life problems if you don't have any

Anyway, just put the stuff straight in the freezer next time if it's surplus to requirements. Then next time you can say they don't need to bring anything.

@GingerScallop maybe read my posts?

Food addiction is a thing.

Ever smoked? The panic of looking at a fag packet at 11pm when all the shops are shut and thinking that you only have one left is an addictive thing. I used to smoke so I had this. I would make sure I had an extra pack in the house, just in case.

If their thing is food then they will see it like that. What if "she" (you) hasnt got enough in? So they bring what they know will be enough just in case you havent. They worry and panic that they wont be able to eat as much as they need/want/ desire. They wont eat it but having it available makes the panic go away.

So although you have identified the reason for their overwieight, I am not sure you understand where the mental reasoning is coming from.

I wonder if, as you were growing up, your mother used food as a reward or a placation. "Oh you grazed your knee, have a chocolate bar" "Well done on your spelling test, shall we have a Maccies on the way home?" and then a dinner when you got home.

Its all learned and probably from your mothers upbringing and she has passed it on to your sister.

@PyongyangKipperbang that's helpful, I hadn't thought about it that way. Yes, I used to smoke and would make a late night trip to the petrol station at times. I suppose, I feel like I have enough problems of my own to deal with atm and am struggling to take on more. I realise it's not as clear cut as "stop eating so much then!"

@PyongyangKipperbang and again, intetesting point. We were really quite poor. Not enough food. Now, my parents are really quite well off. Me, well not so much. I mean, I have enough food of course, but have to spend wisely.

Not having enough historically would explain the need to make sure that there is always enough now. You never forget hunger.

And she has taught your sister to live like that too.

Well done on your weight loss. I worked very hard to lose 5.5 stone so I know how hard it is.

My advice would be to accept the food (and cater knowing that they will bring LOADS you it will save you money!) and dont let their complaining bother you. They are making their choices and you are making yours :)

YANBU OP.

It can be frustrating, but ultimately you can't change a person's unhealthy diet 99% of the time. It has to come from them.

I have a similar issue with my mum. I really want her to be healthy and live a long and wonderful life, she's so capable of losing the weight, but falls off her diet everytime. I never ever mention her diet or meals unless she brings it up, as I don't want her to feel self conscious. Ultimately she's making her own choice as a grown adult woman, much like your mum and sister are and you should accept that.

The best you can do is stick to eating what you have prepared, they will see your weight coming off, and maybe they will eventually ask if they can eat what you are having too etc.

Please ignore the rude replies. Weight loss always seems to drag them out, you are not 'miserable' for wanting your family to be healthy and have a good quality long life.

Ok, so im, providing what they've asked for, in plentiful quantities, but they provide more because they don't like what they've asked me to provide.
It sounds stupid but yeah, they may suggest based on what they feel you would want them to say. Not to offend or even cause an unintended by you reaction, the side eye, a throwaway comment.

FTR, i dont think your being intentionally mean or whatever but its the unspoken stuff you dont know your doing, same for them, like they absentmindedly comment how they fat, not picking up that you then cater to that convo

your picnic does sound nice
Its typical aussie bbq or picnic fare, easy, minimal fuss and tasty lol
We a basic people lmao

Id be shutting down weight convos with "im finding its better for my health if we dont talk weights"

They really don't need 3000 cals per day!
I wouldnt know if i had 10 or 10,000 in a day. I couldnt live eating by numbers

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@PyongyangKipperbang and again, intetesting point. We were really quite poor. Not enough food. Now, my parents are really quite well off. Me, well not so much. I mean, I have enough food of course, but have to spend wisely.[/quote]
Ahh there another layer
I grew up poor too, like bare cupboards poor
Now my pantry is overflowing, it feels safe to me. I throw out so much but i wont change cos bare to me = bad
As a kid i didnt have friends over, it was embarrassing to not even be able to offer a snack, so now, i make sure i have options for us or guests on the rare occasion we have them

Op have you tried intermittent fasting? I'm having great success with it, try to get the books delay don't deny by Gin Stephens and the obesity code by Dr Jason Fung, they will change your life.

I think the loons are out in force on your thread ImFree2doasiwant. No idea why!

Butt great advice from PyongyangKipperbang

"Not having enough historically would explain the need to make sure that there is always enough now. You never forget hunger.

And she has taught your sister to live like that too.

Well done on your weight loss. I worked very hard to lose 5.5 stone so I know how hard it is.

My advice would be to accept the food (and cater knowing that they will bring LOADS you it will save you money!) and dont let their complaining bother you. They are making their choices and you are making yours."

So I agree, focus on yourself, get fit/stay fit and eat healthy. If they bring loads and eat loads their lookout. You concentrate on being healthy yourself. Good luck (I am trying to lose weight!)

Just accept the food, have leftovers for a few days and boom! No problems at all.

Are you the wife of husband who eats everything left over at a meal?

I think you see family meals as an opportunity to show them what a "sensible sized" meal is, because they are overweight. I think you trying to help.

Thing is, they don't want help. They are used to bigger portions and don't want to feel limited. You have to wait for them to work it out for themselves.

@Pesimistic

Are you the wife of husband who eats everything left over at a meal?

Hahahahaha I remember that one

I'm not fat and I eat more than a small roll and a salad at a picnic! I'd eat two decent rolls plus salad and ham or chicken AND a chocolate pastry or similar. And crisps.

It sounds stressful. There really shouldn't be any stress at any family gathering. Life is too short. I have some suggestions:

Gather up the leftovers and give them back. They might realise how much you have to deal with.

Ignore the diet, or do not allude to it at all, on special occasions. Let people eat what they choose to eat. Special occasions are meant to feel just that, special.

You could casually say that since they bring so much food you won't be providing any. If they get upset about it, calmly explain that there is just too much waste and it needs to be scaled back.

It sounds like they don't wish to discuss their preferred foods with you because it brings up the topic of diet and healthy eating etc, so they bring lots of food in order to get at those two or three things they really wanted. Let it go. Either they will be inspired by your weight loss or they won't, but as many overweight people can attest, being judged and found wanting is embarrassing and does nothing at all but make their self confidence even lower.

If there is one thing you don't expect your own family to do, it's judge you and pass comment or give funny looks.

Don't be that person.

Bit rich you judging them when you’re overweight yourself. Just because you’ve decided to do something about your weight now doesn’t mean that they have to automatically follow. They sound like generous, fun people and I know if it was a choice between them and you I know who I’d rather socialise with.

I think you are right. But it’s not about criticising them as much as the culture that makes this normal. And the food they offer doesn’t sound unhealthy, just too much. This is the biggest problem for the obesity crisis, portion size.

When you diet you do realise how little you actually need to eat without gaining (unless an athlete). It’s quite a shock.

Did you end up with excess food or did it get eaten on these occasions?

YANBU OP
It is insulting to a hostess to bring your own food when invited over to their home for a meal. That is basic good manners you’d give to a friend. Family is no excuse for them to be so rude.