To think its no bloody wonder theyre fat?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

My family members. Namely mum and sister.

(I might add, I am also a bit overweight, but trying sucessfully but slowly, REALLY bloody hard to lose it)

Every single family occasion goes like this. Me and dsis taking DC on a day trip. Organising picnic. I say I'll do mine and hers. I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each. She is bringing a nice uncut loaf and butter. I've got rolls already. She has got a couple of "nice salad bits" (This will be coleslaw, couscous, bean salad etc. ) we don't need 2 or 3 more boxes of salad bits, as ive made us both a substantial, varied, filling lunch. It has cost me about £5 each. (Not complaining about the cost)

Ds birthday. Family gathering. I message to say I have stuff for a bbq. I list burgers, sausages, chicken skewers, Some marinated chicken. Lots of sides. Both ask if I need anything. No. I don't need anything else. Both arrive with huge HUGE quantities of food. I had got more than enough for Everyone. One of them brought about twice the amount I had, and the other about the same as I had. I find it really annoying, it's as if I can't possibly have provided enough food . And it irritates me that I could have just not bothered and there would still have been too much.

Yet both, one in particular, does nothing but complain about being very overweight. Surely if someone says "I'll provide lunch" you don't need to then add a load more extra stuff in.

@KaptainKaveman read the OP’s posts. She mentioned this already.

I don’t see why an excess is necessarily wasteful. People have fridges, don’t they? Eat up what’s left later, or the next day.

Not when it has been sat at room temperature for hours at the BBQ and people have been dipping into it. 🤢. Leftovers only work if the food is controlled imo.

I think the problem here is your frustration at hearing them moan continually about something they are not willing to change. I have a friend who moans incessantly about her house but won't move or do anything about it. No matter the topic, it will frustrate anyone to listen to someone moan about a problem they don't really want to solve.

Fwiw, I once went to a bbq where the food ran out. I was tasked with bringing burgers for everyone. Others were being chicken, lamb kebabs, chicken burgers, sausages, buns, bread, crisps, salad, coleslaw, potato salad, chocolate, cake etc.
Because of the sheer amount of food being brought I allocated one burger per person and made them from scratch. They were quarter pounders. When the burgers were seen someone actually had a go at me, they genuinely were so angry that I only brought one burger per person. Despite them being huge burgers, and all the other food available, the food ran out and I felt AWFUL. It didn't occur to me that some people don't eat lamb, others don't want chicken, and some just wanted burgers.

Tbf I was young and didn't really think about preferences, so it's a mistake I won't make again in a hurry.

Every bbq I go to now I take LOADS of food.

Perhaps stop hosting these things, OP? Perhaps suggest that everybody brings lunch for themselves - and if they like the look of somebody else's, there will probably be spare.

I think you are letting your own food hang-up impinge on a family relationship and that's pointless. Whether or not you've worked out 'how to do it' for yourself is immaterial when it comes to other people. Take care not to become pious because, imagine how that would have rankled before you yourself 'saw the light'?

Never comment on what other people are eating (I know you said you don't but perhaps you don't have a poker face?) and just smile and nod when somebody talks about their own weight. It's not for you to resolve, is it?

Focus on your own goals and make these 'picnics' easier for all of you - particularly for you. Your food sounds nice to me but, we're all different.

This has been really interesting reading. The following is a version of thinking aloud, but I'm now trying to work out the intentions around similar things that happen with me.
I really like cooking and enjoy cooking for extra people. If my parents are here/coming, even for a pretty unremarkable dinner because it's a weeknight and they are there at dinner time (collected DD from school or similar), they always do want to bring something to eat. Disclaimer though, they hated cooking when I was young, and they still would prefer to spend a lot less time doing it, usually want lunches out at a café, and don't have the same view of cooking for family as me. Also, they don't drink so wouldn't often bring a bottle, which could be saved if that side is covered. I'm wondering if part of it is an attempt to join in with my point of view - but often it's something like bringing mixed veg and strawberries when I have already got both of those things as part of what I am making - and they've probably seen them in the fridge. So that leads to having much more than I wanted of them against the planning I'd done. There's something in this about extents of personal control, a bit like having food put on your plate as a child and not knowing what to do when there's too much of it or something you don't like poured all over it.

Of course what they eat is up to them. If you go to someone elses house for a small bbq and they ask you to bring burgers, would you take burgers, sausages, 4 sorts of chicken including 30 drumsticks, bread, salad, potatos, bread, dessert, crisps.
My husband would😂
He is always of the view ' take more than you need......just in case!"
He us like this with everything.
If i ask him if he has any cash on him he'll ask how much I need, I say 20, he' ll say,' here take 40, just in case you need it!!
Back to the food issue. It seems people can't do right for doing wrong. People don't usually turn up empty handed!

My DSis can be a bit weird about food and very judgmental. Difficult to know how it's going to go sometimes. Sometimes we would do like your family but put something extra in the car so we don't have to put up with comments and judgements. It's tricky. If we are staying for a few days we will go out as a family quite often so we can eat without the judgment.

Sounds like two separate issues OP.

A) constantly complaining about their weight whilst seemingly making no attempt to lose weight.
I’m with you there, I also find it annoying when someone’s always complaining about a problem (whether it’s weight, work, relationships) but is making no attempt to address the problem.

B) they’re in the habit of bringing along lots and lots of extra food whenever you cater for them. Also annoying. I assume you know them well enough to be serving food they’re happy to eat, and are serving suitable quantities of food.

If possible, say in the picnic scenario, could you say that you’ll cater for you and your DC, and that DSis should bring food for her and her DC? She may still bring more food than she eats, but it’s likely you’ll find it less irritating if there’s not the expectation that you’ll be sharing the food?

And scenarios like the BBQ, if you were to give them clear directions about food (e.g. please can you bring x burgers), would that help? In case they feel uncomfortable turning up empty handed and are going too far in the other direction.
The suggestions about giving them all the leftovers from the food they’ve brought also sounds good, if you can manage that then at least you aren’t stuck with having to find somewhere to put it or dispose of it.
I know some pp have said the excess food could be put in a fridge and eaten later, but that only works if you’ve got the space. If I hosted a BBQ, and guests brought along 3 times the amount of food I’d provided, I simply wouldn’t have space for it all in my fridge and freezer without throwing out other food first. I don’t have a massive fridge and freezer.

Meh...one single meal does not make anyone overweight and it's normal and polite to bring offerings to a barbecue. Whenever we do one with friends there's always way too much food (even if we say they need not bring anything) and we are all normal weight or on the thinner side.

It sounds like you are trying to control their weight which is really none of your business. If they talk about weight all the time and it bothers you you can always say "please can we not talk about weight and diet so much as it isn't really the sort of thing I can comment on or help with."

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@GoldenKelpie if I says I was bringing large club sandwiches each, quiche, pork pies, scotch eggs, and bacon mayo potato salad, with cheese and crackers, and cake, they'd still do it and if get comments about not eating bread or counting calories.[/quote]
Best in future to bring for yourself and accept that they will bring for themselves anyway. Hope it all works out for you next time.