To think its no bloody wonder theyre fat?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

My family members. Namely mum and sister.

(I might add, I am also a bit overweight, but trying sucessfully but slowly, REALLY bloody hard to lose it)

Every single family occasion goes like this. Me and dsis taking DC on a day trip. Organising picnic. I say I'll do mine and hers. I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each. She is bringing a nice uncut loaf and butter. I've got rolls already. She has got a couple of "nice salad bits" (This will be coleslaw, couscous, bean salad etc. ) we don't need 2 or 3 more boxes of salad bits, as ive made us both a substantial, varied, filling lunch. It has cost me about £5 each. (Not complaining about the cost)

Ds birthday. Family gathering. I message to say I have stuff for a bbq. I list burgers, sausages, chicken skewers, Some marinated chicken. Lots of sides. Both ask if I need anything. No. I don't need anything else. Both arrive with huge HUGE quantities of food. I had got more than enough for Everyone. One of them brought about twice the amount I had, and the other about the same as I had. I find it really annoying, it's as if I can't possibly have provided enough food . And it irritates me that I could have just not bothered and there would still have been too much.

Yet both, one in particular, does nothing but complain about being very overweight. Surely if someone says "I'll provide lunch" you don't need to then add a load more extra stuff in.

YABU for not appreciating a nice varied selection at a picnic or BBQ but YANBU for being shocked at the amount of food some people eat. It's greedy and unhealthy.

I'm fairly slim but when I go out to eat at restaurants I don't choose low calorie options like salads or half portions (unless I'm not very hungry) and yet I still find myself noticing that my heavier friends somehow eat much more than me even when we all have the same number of courses, by picking the heaviest starters and dessers adding side dishes like garlic bread. Or if we have fish and chips my husband and I can share a large cod and chips and still have leftover chips, whereas I see friends and family eating a whole one each. I guess people just get used to eating really huge portions.

Honestly there are so many obese people out there struggling to lose weight and looking for a miracle diet and I'm like, surely the answer is quite simple, you just eat LESS.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

honestly, I don't eat like a sparrow

Bit off topic, but this always makes me giggle because sparrows eat between quarter and half their body weight daily It's like if 60kg person eat between 15-30kg of food a day
I know, I know. It's meant as small portion compare to humans.

I did not know that!

@Time2change2 we used to do that! When shopping in ethnic shops.
"Ooh, I like that. And that. And that!"
Now I stop myself from buying it all and say "this week I get this and new time I will get that".
It was so hard at first!

It's hard to judge the situation from one side OP. I think moaning about being overweight is completely different to deciding to tackle a weight issue. It doesn't make sense because logically the answer is to eat healthy, but the problem is that unless they decide to eat better there's nothing you can do and trying to "help" them will just make them more determined to eat what they like.

You're making better choices because you decided to, they have to reach that point to.

But this is all guess work from what you've told us.

You're best bet would be to ask them why they bring so much food. (do they do this at other family gatherings or is it just you?). Have a conversation with them about it.

Without wanting to be rude, there is a period when someone who's lost a lot if weight can be a bit, well, over confident, "it's so simple, easy and life changing, why doesn't everyone do it?" I'm not saying that's you, but it can also go the other way, overweight people get very insecure around the newly slim/er.

You need to have a conversation with your family.

If there are so many leftovers, then they're obviously not eating all the food so how is it contributing to their weight?

I don’t see why an excess is necessarily wasteful. People have fridges, don’t they? Eat up what’s left later, or the next day.

We often have after a barbecue - better IMO to have too much than not enough, and people you’ve invited thinking you’ve been stingy with the food.
From experience, people do tend to eat more than usual at barbecues anyway.

So you won’t tell them to their faces but slagging them off in internet is ok?
You sound judgey and smug

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I don’t see why an excess is necessarily wasteful. People have fridges, don’t they? Eat up what’s left later, or the next day. We often have after a barbecue - better IMO to have too much than not enough, and people you’ve invited thinking you’ve been stingy with the food. From experience, people do tend to eat more than usual at barbecues anyway.

Indeed. Leftovers are great!

A salad and a small roll? No wonder folk need to bring extra food. You can't impose your food restrictions on other people and then complain because they bring extra.

Maybe I am a bit judgemental. I'm fat. I know I am. I've spent a few years struggling with it, but at the end of the day the reason I'm.less fat now is because I eat less.

I have had a BMI of 40 and a BMI of 22. There are two large, key factors that helped me get from the first to the second:

1. The constant acceptance of my wider family who have never once judged (openly) or passed comment on what I eat.

1. Genuinly accepting that fat is not a moral issue. I was no less valuable as a person with a BMI of 40 than I am at 22. I refused (and still refuse) to hate fat me. She was wonderful in so many ways and I truly love her.

These two things were the strong pillars on which I could start to see food as a choice, uncomplicated by emotion or guilt.

OP, taking the time to break the pattern of self-judgement really will help, both with your own health and with the way you view your family.

Of course a salad can be a full meal @squeekums. If anyone thinks they can't you aren't making them right! And who would expect all that food on a picnic for two people?!

@Elasticate

If there are so many leftovers, then they're obviously not eating all the food so how is it contributing to their weight?

My thoughts exactly!

@Scarlettpixie

Of course a salad can be a full meal *@squeekums*. If anyone thinks they can't you aren't making them right! And who would expect all that food on a picnic for two people?!

I agree!

I was always brought up not to turn up as a house guest empty handed so would always bring a little something (maybe not weekly shop though).

Turning the tables, I can imagine a similar thread where the OP complains that family turn up without bringing anything and eat you out of house and home.

In short - chill out, you come across as a bit mean.

I agree with PP who said pack up the leftovers and give them back. Just eat what you want to eat and leave the rest.

I am intrigued though by the a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extra can you describe it? (I'm serious. I loathe salad and am always looking for ways i can increase my salad/veg intake without boring myself to death with lettuce)

Also if they drone on about being fat - put some headphones in and listen to soothing music? Or imagine you're doing that if you think that's too rude? Or shut them down and say: are you looking for weight loss ideas from me or do you just want to offload? For the former i have tips, for the latter let me know when you're done and you want input. I've started doing that for all sorts of things and it really helps (me).

This would piss me off as well, OP. I hate both greed and food waste. I also hate it when people moan about being overweight and don't do anything about it.
It's quite rude IMO. If you ask if you can bring anything and are told 'no' , or asked for something specific, don't ignore it and bring a whole fuckton of food that isn't needed.

It might just be me and mine, but when we have a BBQ the people I invite normally ask if there's anything they can bring. I normally say no, it's fine, then they will say something like, what about if I made a potato salad? And I'll say, oh, yes, actually that would be good, I love your potato salad! And they will bring a potato salad.

That's fine. But turning up with more than you yourself have prepared is rude.

I should also say that I have a couple of more socially unaware friends who will take my "No, it's sorted" literally, and that's fine too. I tend to err on the literal side myself

I am of course talking about British people here, I know other cultures have other customs regarding food gatherings.

Thank goodness more sensible people showed up on this thread this morning. The night crew were needlessly flaming the OP and not reading what she was posting or were deliberately misinterpreting it.

It's impossible to gauge what the sum total of the bbq food might be, so your relatives just bunged an amount of food into containers that probably equated to the number of people they felt they were catering for. I'd far rather have a surplus of food than running out half way through the event.

The only way round this issue in future could be to be really specific with your relatives, "please can you bring 2 packs of rolls, 1 family pack of crisps and a pack of sausages, we'll do the rest"

If they ignore your request, and this BBQ event is only a once a year thing, just shrug and say to yourself there are other priorities to worry about. Focus on your "Circle of Influence" (things you can directly control) and let go of your "Circle of Concern" (things you cannot control or have no visibility of, Eg how much food your relys choose to scoff in the rest of their lives). It really isn't worth the angst.

I wouldn't want to go to a bbq you hosted as you sound like hard work and way too over invested in what other people eat. You sound like the 'baguette woman' from another thread and that's not good.

@OLGADEEPOLGA

I wouldn't want to go to a bbq you hosted as you sound like hard work and way too over invested in what other people eat. You sound like the 'baguette woman' from another thread and that's not good.

Lol. No

its hard for us fatties my body craves food so just to be polite i would bring my own i wouldnt moan about losing weight though

my dh's family hardly eat it makes things so awkward i feel like a cow but they seem to survive one or two meals a day and small ones at that

next time you do a bbq just dont cook everything they bring or if you do just send it back home with them if uneaten

a small roll each

Do you measure them to make sure? What counts as small, under 10cm across? Do you ever go nuts and bring medium ones? Maybe for special occasions?

Intrigued by your 'tasty toppings', too. What are they? Cheese? Alpen? Gummy bears? Jam?

Some people just like to feed others (and not in a creepy way).

My family is the same. My Nan was married to the local vicer and fed half the village out of the vicarage and it trickled down. Both my aunts and my mum are the same-- they feel like they're not doing their bit unless they're providing plenty of food.

I'm intrigued by the "tasty topping" on salad as well. I honestly don't understand what this is.