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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"You're looking well"

321 replies

PremiumMoaner · 21/08/2020 20:17

Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

OP posts:
Judystilldreamsofhorses · 21/08/2020 23:09

Absolutely “you look fat” here.

ChicCroissant · 21/08/2020 23:12

It's a compliment.

rainingcats · 21/08/2020 23:13

I say it normally when I think someone has lost weight as it seems rude to ask have you lost weight / you have lost weight

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/08/2020 23:20

For me i always use it and perceive it as a compliment, if anything it would be if someone had lost weight or was just looking good in general.

Said it to colleague the other day who has been on a health kick. She was looking well! I hope she's not taken it as an insult.

BoogieFeet · 21/08/2020 23:21

I never tell people this anymore in case they think I’m saying they look fat, but I personally would take it as a compliment unless the person saying it had form for bitchy comments. But then I’ve got dark hair and in the winter months very pale skin so am used to people asking if I’m feeling ok...

U2HasTheEdge · 21/08/2020 23:24

Like I said above, my husband's grandparents say that if we gain weight. However, they genuinely think most people look healthier with a bit of extra weight on them so in their eyes they do think we look well.

BigChocFrenzy · 21/08/2020 23:25

I say what I mean and take what others say at face value

  • life's too short for stupid games

I don't get this obession for hints about weight

"looking well"
means looking rested, glowing skin, hair in good nick etc

"bonny"
looking good in a reasonably natural way, i.e. without facelifts or elaborate makeup etc

badg3r · 21/08/2020 23:30

Yeah looking well I would equate with putting on weight. I guess because the alternative is looking unwell which I would normally equate with losing weight!

Flymetothetoon · 21/08/2020 23:34

It means you're looking fat.

BenoneBeauty · 21/08/2020 23:35

It's a back-handed compliment so could either mean you've put weight on but it suits you or you looked like absolute shit before but now you look ok. I'd never tell anyone they look well!

houselikeashed · 21/08/2020 23:38

For this very reason, I always tell people they look good or great rather than 'well'. People say 'well' to me all the time and I am pretty over weight, and I always take it as 'put on weight'.

BilboBercow · 21/08/2020 23:48

I always take it as a compliment. I've never been overweight but I've had it said when I was particularly slim

Ginfordinner · 21/08/2020 23:48

I can't believe the number of people on this thread looking for offence from a compliment. If it is a back handed compliment (which it isn't where I live) then you need better friends.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 21/08/2020 23:53

I think it's the more socially acceptable way of saying "You look HAWT!"
I wouldn't necessarily tell a work village they look pretty or handsome as it wouldn't feel appropriate, so I might tell them they look well instead.

KatherineJaneway · 21/08/2020 23:54

Wow, from some of the replies on here I must have offenend lots of people when I simply meant they looked good / healthy.

Scarby9 · 21/08/2020 23:58

A comliment.

And if I say it to someone I mean it as a compliment as well. Bright eyes, energy, happy look - they look well, in other words!

NiceGerbil · 21/08/2020 23:58

I don't understand this at all!

If a friend (male or female) is looking HAWT then I would say wow you look amazing! And it's not something I think of in my friends or colleagues tbh except when they are done up for a night out in which case saying you look fab etc is pretty much what you need to say if someone has clearly put effort in.

If I went to a work Xmas party and a friend appeared all done up, saying you look well would be super nasty tbh.

There's always something to say. That's a lovely suit, that tie really suits you, those are gorgeous shoes etc etc

linmanuel · 22/08/2020 00:16

I am usually quite pale and wan
I only get this after a 2 week
Holiday in the med

netsybetsy · 22/08/2020 04:11

@powershowerforanhour

I echo Echobelly's drunken thoughts. From me, it means what it says: looking happy, healthy, relaxed, bright eyed and possibly with that "been having fun outdoors" tan (in fact it's often followed up with "you've a great bit of colour on you")

Life is too short to give this stuff headspace. Do you think men are fretting about this shit? No, they probably hear, "You're lookin' well" and think "She fancies the arse off me. As well she might. I'm a fine figure of a man".

So true about men GrinGrin
IdblowJonSnow · 22/08/2020 04:16

I say it as a compliment, to me it's not weight related.

Laserbird16 · 22/08/2020 04:17

Hmm I usually get this when I get a decent sleep. I thought it was a nice thing!

LioneIRichTea · 22/08/2020 07:02

How on Earth has this changed to mean fat? How on Earth can you genuinely tell people that they do look well without offending!

If someone is looking well (lost weight, glowing, generally looking well) I’ll say they are looking well as I mean...they are looking well! Must be so tiring looking for twisted alternative meanings in everything.

chubbyhotchoc · 22/08/2020 07:06

I think a lot of time it is a fat thing. I've been getting it a lot off people while pregnant.

redcarbluecar · 22/08/2020 07:09

I’ve never said it to anyone meaning that they’ve put weight on; it wouldn’t even occur to me to find a coded way to tell them that. I’ve sometimes wondered when it’s been said to me though....

QueenofmyPrinces · 22/08/2020 07:23

When I say “you’re looking well” it’s because I think they’re looking much better than they normally do....I.e they seem happier, or they’ve lost weight, or they are all dressed up, or they’ve had their hair done etc.

I wouldn’t say it to someone who looks like they’ve put on weight.

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