"You're looking well"

[PremiumMoaner]

Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

Oh god yes, depending on where I am, but with family (we are southerners and if we go up to the Midlands to visit fam) if any of the uncles or aunties say “you’re looking well” my sisters and I know it’s a comment on our weight! One Uncle always comments, it is so annoying, he once said to me “you’re looking well. Your face has filled out.” Then commented on how much food I had on my plate. I was really underweight before though in my late teens. Made me want to just chuck all the food on my plate in the bin. I’ve never been overweight either, maybe that makes them think they have licence to comment? I just hate people commenting on my body full stop.

I’ve had this said to me a lot since having a baby a few months ago and have taken it to mean exactly that - that I look well! But I am a stone heavier than pre pregnancy so perhaps I do look fat!!

I think it comes from the idea of a sick person being frail and skinny, imagine a terminally ill or very elderly person, they are often skin and bone. So a "well looking" person is the opposite of that - a bit chubby. Clearly not suffering any type of sickness, at least not the type to prevent them from eating. So yes, to me it's saying you look fat.

I think I would most often use it for someone who appears to have lost weight. Which I hate myself for, so I am going to try to stop that.

But when people say it to me, I take it as a compliment. It's usually my mother, and she would NOT say it if she thought I'd put weight on.

What the..
I'm so surprised people take it as putting on weight. When I say to someone they're looking well I mean just that. Healthy looking, happy, glowing skin, dressed nicely..

I've said it to people too and judging from their responses they've never taken it as weight gain.

Depends on the context but it's usually a way to say you look fat. People said it to me after I'd been very, very sick and I knew they meant I looked better though.

Worse is "blooming". I put weight straight on my stomach at one point due to stress. I had some comments from people who thought I was pregnant in some clothes and got a bit paranoid. I had someone search for an adjective and say I was blooming, looking at me knowingly. They clearly thought they were being very clever, subtly telling me they'd clocked I was "pregnant". At least "you've dropped it then" implied I'd LOST weight.

I dunno.. I think context is key here. It could mean you’ve put on weight (if you were previously underweight) but equally that you’ve lost it (if you were on the heavy side before). I’d also use it if someone had been poorly / just had a baby to mean they look better or like they were recovering well.

An evil manager at my old workplace greeted me with a very pointed 'you're looking well' when I was about 16 weeks pregnant and looking chubby and booby rather than obviously up the duff. She definitely meant it as an insult.

It’s not an insult it means you’re looking well.

When I say it I mean that the person is looking happy , well rested, probably suntanned

Someone put a pic up of herself on FB back from holiday abroad looking well and very tanned and happy so I wrote' looking well' not because I thought they had put on any weight because they haven't! Just looked better than before they went as they needed the break from it all!

I would always assume it’s code for “you’ve lost weight” (assuming the person wasn’t underweight to begin with).

I say it to people who have been unwell and are now better and looking rested and healthy.

I have said this and genuinely meant it as a compliment. Even if a person has put weight on, sometimes that’s a good thing. It can also mean that they look happy and well rested, maybe have a bit of a tan etc.

If I tell someone they are looking well it's because they no longer look like death warmed up like the last time I saw them

All the MNetters saying it is a veiled insult... this is saying more about the posters and their attitudes than about you the recipient.

But that’s the thing. You say “you’re looking well” but you actually meant “you looked shit last time I saw you” so, quite insulting really.

I have never told someone that they are looking well and really meant that they have put on weight. If I say that to someone I mean what I say or I might say you are looking really well. With me it's a compliment. As someone who once got accused by my mil of being pregnant and not telling her. (Someone saw me thought I was a few months gone and said to my mil) I would never be so mean to insinuate that someone had put on weight even if they had. If you have nothing nice to say then just keep quiet is my motto.

@zoomies1

I have said this and genuinely meant it as a compliment. Even if a person has put weight on, sometimes that’s a good thing. It can also mean that they look happy and well rested, maybe have a bit of a tan etc.

This is the thing, isn't it? It's very dependent on context. Relaxed and happy often comes with a bit of added weight, so if you're usually tired and run down and a bit scrawny then "you're looking well" means just that, it's a compliment. But if you're usually healthy looking then it's registering a chance that's worth commenting on, which generally means weight.

SiL unknowingly uses code "you're looking well" when I've put on a few pounds vs "you look amazing" when I've lost them. She has no idea she does it!

But that’s the thing. You say “you’re looking well” but you actually meant “you looked shit last time I saw you” so, quite insulting really.

Does it have to? Couldn't it mean "you look so bright and relaxed compared to the 50 other people I have seen today"? Or "you look so bright and relaxed compared to the way I looked to myself in the mirror on my way out"?

Besides, where is the insult in the implication "Last time I saw you you were looking tired and worried, now you look much better, I'm pleased about this"? Is it an insult? Might it not be the concern of a friend?

I use it all the time to my friends as a compliment, I can’t understand how anyone could take it as an insult. However, “you look tired”......
totally means you look like crap.

Maybe we should all just stop passing judgement on each other's appearances and placing so much focus on that, because that's essentially what we do when we say "you look well" or "you look great - have you lost weight?", etc, etc. What gives me the right to tell you what you look like? I don't labor under the illusion that my subjective opinion is so damn important that I need to voice it and expect you to be grateful.

If I said it to.someone I'd mean it as a compliment

I'm in the northwest and it is definitely weight related here. It can be used either way though, it's usually said when you haven't seen someone for awhile and their weight has changed very noticeably either direction.

My poor sister was tiny her whole life, never over a 6. She went up to a 12 and all she ever heard was how well she looked. It was a running joke about how it was code for chubby. Not that she was, just people said it automatically in surprise when they saw her.

I’ve had this said to me when I’ve lost weight.

I think it is up there with "what a Bonnie baby", it means you haven't missed many meals.

It means you’ve got fatter.