"You're looking well"

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When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

I think that those of us who don't make passive aggressive bitchy comments would take the phrase as a compliment.

It doesn’t have to be bitchy or passive aggressive, although it can be.

Mostly, people want to be nice and say something positive. If someone is looking big, it would be rude to say so, so people say you’re looking well.

That isn’t it’s only meaning but it’s why I personally tend not to say it.

Having followed this thread since it started I honestly don't know how anyone manages either to pay anyone else a compliment or accept one when it's paid to them

I mean what a horrible world if every time someone says you look great they mean you normally look terrible

Maybe it's a regional thing how it's meant?

I've never had anyone say it to me (I'm overweight) but I think it can be used either way depending on the tone etc.

I've always used it when someone has lost weight as a compliment. I've had it said to me when I've lost weight in the past. It wouldn't occur to me to say to someone who has put weight on that they look well! I just wouldn't mention their weight gain.

I didn't know "bonny" stood for chubby, in some areas! I picked it up from my granny (who said it from her Teesside early years) and understood it as "pretty". I usually just say babies are bonny though not adults!

Bonnie means gorgeous for babies in Liverpool but I never hear it said anymore.

I've got chronic fatigue syndrome. When people say it to me I think they think I'm not ill really :-(

@MrsToothyBitch

I didn't know "bonny" stood for chubby, in some areas! I picked it up from my granny (who said it from her Teesside early years) and understood it as "pretty". I usually just say babies are bonny though not adults!

Same here!

bonny
adjective mainly Scottish English

UK /ˈbɒn.i/ US /ˈbɑː.ni/

beautifull* and healthyy:
a bonny babyby^
a bonny lasss^

It happened to me again at the weekend... all I'll say is I was eating something rather indulgent just before as well

Certainly in my part of the world it means ‘You’ve put on weight’. I would say it’s to an extent generational in its use.

My mum always said it and then when we would walk away she would say 'well fed...' but my partners auntie says it a lot and I don't think she means it as anything other than a compliment.

Never would have thought it was an insult :/

My DH's grandad always says you're looking well to mean put on weight. It's when I know it's time to lose a bit

My family have used it towards me in a " you've gained weight" way...

I've recently lost 20+lb and spent some time on my hair / make up before the first school run. Someone commented I looked well and instinctively I withdrew and felt shit...then remembered I couldnt look that bad

I was thinking about this again, and while for some people it's consciously said as a sly insult under the guise of a compliment, for some, chiefly older people, it's a linguistic leftover from the days when plumpness was prized as a sign of prosperity and/or fertility. My grandmother used to exclaim 'You're as fat as butter!' and not understand why two puppy-fat pubescent girls weren't thrilled with the 'compliment'.

I've only ever had it said to me if I've lost weight.

I think it tends to mean that I have a tan / have been on holiday.
Someone said it to me the other day, I certainly didn't take it as a suggestion that I have put on weight.

It's the only compliment I'm likely to get so I will happily take It!

I would only ever say it as a compliment and genuinely mean it. Maybe a new hairstyle or a suntan or that after holiday glow? I would take it as a compliment too. Never thought of any other way to take it. My friend said it to me on our first proper meet up after lockdown- had just had my hair done snd made an effort with make up and clothes. Am sure it was a compliment.