"You're looking well"

[PremiumMoaner]

Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

OP

Do you have frenemies that day one thing then bitch about each other behind eveyones backs? Or do you hand out with nice straightforward people who mean what they say?

If it's the former, then they are probably playing mind games with you and it's a veiled insult.

If it's the latter then they probably think you look somehow brighter than normal, you know when you think someone looks like they've had something done and look better for it or have changed their hair or makeup and you cant figure out what it is but they look good?

If I thought someone was looking like they'd put on weight I wouldn't mention it. At all. In any way. Why would I?

I think I've said it before to new mums because I felt like I looked ill when I was new mum with hair falling out and grey skin and no shower and baby sick on me so I was always surprised when people managed to look together

It means you are looking well. Meant as a compliment. Nothing to do with weight. At. All.

I once said a colleague looked lovely in a new top. Response " so you are telling me I usually don't look lovely then"
FFS.

@Lookingforastronauts

I am mortified.

I've only ever said this as a compliment, usually meaning they look well!! Bright eyes and skin - just well...

I'm horrified someone thinks I meant they looked fat

This.

Oh for God's sake, it's a compliment. The only reason it would likely be used for "you've put on weight" is if you were previously underweight.

I think it's a covert way of saying you look well-covered, as in have put on weight. I'd say that someone looks lovely if they do - not "well" because it's too easily misconstrued.

It's rude and means you've put weight on around these parts.

It means that you look healthy, well-rested and happy. If someone decides to use it as code for "you're fat" that's their issue.

Well, I have lost 2 stone which even I can see is noticeable and I have had a mixture of "You've lost LOADS of weight" and "Wow, you're looking really well" which I have taken to mean "you have lost lots of weight but I don't know if that is what you want to hear".

Other threads on this in the past (and the meaning of "bonny") suggest that these things vary massively by region, age and situation. So I guess it has to be looked at in context!

Personally I just tell people they look great and leave it at that.

I think it means you don’t look rough. People said I looked well after I had recovered from an op.
Could also mean fat too but I doubt people really do that unless they’re a known cunt.

I'm Irish and we tend to say it to anyone and everyone especially if not seen them for a while or if they've been sick. It's deffo not an insult. It's even a chat up line at times' 'are ya well? Cause you're looking well!'

I bumped into someone I haven’t seen since losing 4 stones. She said she “couldn’t believe how well I look”

So, not always an insult

I heard it a lot after I lost weight, I guessed I looked well as in healthier for being slimmer. Though I have heard it recently as well, after gaining weight and I'm pregnant

Omg I also say this as a genuine compliment and am now mortified . I honestly thought it meant looking well as in looking good! Tbf, I probably say "you look great" more...is that ok?

I always took "you're looking healthy" to mean "you've gained weight". I have had it said to me once! I mean, he was right, but still. He was no supermodel himself, just sayin', not bitter or anything...

I have always taken it to mean "you've chunked up a bit love"!

Although at the moment I admit that "you've lost loads of weight" is quite nice to hear as well

This is possibly why MN often feels so far removed from anyone I've met in real life: I've just pissed off any MNer I've ever inadvertently met by telling them that they look well. Ah well.

I think it means well fed and happily relaxed. The sort of look you might have during the Xmas season. Rosy cheeks and a bit more weight around.

Now saying someone is “jolly”, THAT is code for fat.

Why would people go around making veiled insults about people putting on weight? I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but why would anyone do this?!

@PyongyangKipperbang

I have always taken it to mean "you've chunked up a bit love"!

100%. I’d be pretty upset and assume snide put down

If I say it it’s because someone looks that lovely mix of relaxed, glowing, & full of the enjoyment of life.

Aww shit have people been telling me I've put on weight and I haven't even notcied? I only ever say it to people when I think they're looking well - weight doesn't come into it. I'd hate to inadvertently offend anyone.

I’m afraid I agree with the posters who say it generally means you’ve put on a bit of weight. That was what I always thought

If I tell someone they are looking well it's because they no longer look like death warmed up like the last time I saw them, which is fairly often still the first time since pre COVID.

All the MNetters saying it is a veiled insult... this is saying more about the posters and their attitudes than about you the recipient.

Nope it just means you look good.