"You're looking well"

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When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

Means exactly what it says. Never heard of it being code for "you've put on weight".

Means exactly what it says. Never heard of it being code for "you've put on weight".

It’s not code for that, that’s why everyone I know who says this or has received this as a comment would think the same. Some people just like reading waaay too much into things and obviously think any compliments have some twisted negative meaning to them. How sad.

@LioneIRichTea do you not think the fact that so many people think it means that shows it could have that meaning. Possibly in different parts of the uk.

Well of course those who think it has this other meaning will say it to others with that meaning intended. Most people though seem to say and take it with the meaning intended.

@PurpleFlower1983

It means you’ve got fatter.

And yet this thread proved that is not the case for everyone. Language is what we use to communicate so insisting certain combinations of words mean something when many many people use them to mean something else is particularly obtuse and very literal..

I think this phrase comes originally from telling people who had been ill that they looked better . For some that may have involved putting on some weight as they may have been underweight before .

Then I imagine a few unpleasant, passive aggressive people used it in the context the op describes and because of our national neurosis about weight it gained traction

So when .SOME unpleasant people.say it . it may mean they are saying you are fat but if.you assume everyone means this .when they use this phrase it probably says more about what you think about your own issues with weight than anything else

I think most people who use this are saying you look well with a minority maybe meaning you are fat. I would base my interpretation of their meaning from what I know about them and if I don't know much would take it as a compliment as my first assumption.

my mum uses "you are looking well" as a veiled way of saying she has noticed if I have lost weight (or at least managed to not put a noticeable amount back on) since she last saw me. she always taught me that any personal remarks are rude so I don't think she would ever make a more direct comment than this, but the phrase from her is an invitation to let her know if I want to share any more details of how I am doing with my fight against the flab (usually i don't really want to go into detail though)

Ahh shit! Apparently I've been inadvertently insulting people all my life then 😱 Who knew 🤷‍♀️ Bugger!

Of course it means “bit fat”, but in a looking healthy way, I don’t have a problem with being called plump. I have a very healthy self-esteem to go along with my healthy appetite.

This thread's made me really upset someone said this to me the other week and I don't know what to think now

I was desperately trying to find a way to compliment a colleague who’s just come back from a holiday recently as she looked really tanned and healthy and ended up going “You’re looking well...RESTED!” Think that was a good catch.

People who use this phrase maliciously, or are used to it being used that way, what part of the country are you in / did you grow up in? And what social class context would you say you've experienced this within?

Doesn’t it just mean that you look good? It does round here anyway. If I asked someone if they were well they’d probably say yes thanks. Surely telling someone they look well is just another version of that same conversation?

Oh wow! I've had this 'compliment' more than usual in the last couple months. I have had a noticeable weight gain so now I'm wondering! But I also do have a healthier glow due to suntan and the 'break' from work so I am much more rested and relaxed and smiley than usual.

Help! OP I think you've started something here!!!

I say your looking well when people randomly have that ‘glow’

I’ve had it said to me meaning I’ve lost weight as I’m looking after myself better.

Never heard it said as a insult though

It isn’t used insultingly, in my experience, but does tend to mean that someone has gained weight.

Where I grew up, women and girls who looked a bit chubby were also referred to as “bonny” in much the same spirit.

I have never associated looking well with putting on weight. I say it to people when they have that bright, fresh as a daisy, full of energy look about them. That could be even down to them getting enough sleep which I never seem to do).

If I say this to someone (and I do), it's usually because I've seen someone I haven't seen for a while and they genuinely look well and healthy - happy, tanned, relaxed etc.
God, I hope I haven't been going round offending people without knowing it! 😂

Wouldn’t you say ‘you look great, lovely tan’ then, though?

'Where I grew up', 'Where I'm from', 'round here' - where IS that then?

Gosh this thread is so weird

It’s a compliment!

Some people must live in very bitchy horrible worlds to even thin otherwise.

Well that is the other way of living your life, rolling cheerily through and taking absolutely everything totally at face value. In the real world things can be more nuanced. It doesn’t mean it’s a great insult, just that as a statement it’s ambiguous.

"You're looking well" is a bit like "you're glowing" when pregnant. Some people take it as "wow, aren't you the size of a bus?" But that's not what it means. It means you are looking well in a way they can't quite put their finger on, just generally full of health and vitality.

Usually I get it when I'm actually a bit unwell. My face is a bit puffy and red, I'm a bit bloated and overweight, I've tried to disguise this with some self tan and colour correcting foundation. I've worn something colourful to cheer me up. And I end up looking much more full of health and vitality than I normally would. But people don't know the underneath, they just so rosy cheeks and dimples. I used to get this especially when I had a fever as a teenager. I was chubby and red cheeked

It's a compliment.
However, I would take it to mean "you're looking better than usual", so it could have a bit of an unintentional sting in it.
I only tend to say it when people have a happy glow - often after a holiday/getting lots of sleep/appear happy and relaxed after not being so.

It’s a compliment! Some people must live in very bitchy horrible worlds to even think otherwise.

I agree. They need better friends.

So when .SOME unpleasant people.say it . it may mean they are saying you are fat but if.you assume everyone means this .when they use this phrase it probably says more about what you think about your own issues with weight than anything else

And with this ^^

I guess the only way to reply to "You look well", is "so do you"

I guess "You look great" can also be taken the wrong way by the easily offended. Great is the opposite of small isn't it?

Here in Australia, "you look well/you're looking well" means exactly that - that you look well-rested/healthy/not tired/fit/relaxed/have glowing skin/cheery perky countenance.

How bizarre that the phrase also operates as sly double-speak meaning that someone has put on weight.