"You're looking well"

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Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

I use it with people who've lost weight but I don't want to be all "YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT" in the face. Am I doing it wrong?

Hahaha was just thinking about this yesterday!!! 😂 I was in work when somebody came in and looked at me and asked if we were in school together, took me a moment to realise we were. He told me I look well and I've been stewing on it all night thinking he means I've gotten fat... Admittedly we haven't seen each other since we were 16 and were now 35 and I've had 3 kids but still... 😂

It means you're looking good! Surely?! That's how I say it anyway.. Thought everyone did

To me it means fat

Eh never heard of that in all my life. Its a compliment

Some arseholes might use it as a veiled insult but 90% of the time I think it’s just something people say as conversational lubricant when they bump into someone that they haven’t seen in a while.

Wtf. I thought it was compliment

I usually say it to someone who has just come back from holiday and have that post holiday glow.
If someone says it to me, I take it as a compliment.

I really hope it doesn’t mean you’ve put on weight! I say it a lot!

When I say it I genuinely mean someone looks well! They have a glow and just seem happy. 🙈

The last time I saw my ex employer she beamed "you're looking well!" And I was like thanks etc etc. .. then later thought hang on a minute does she mean I look like I've gained weight.
I go up and down quote a bit and she's known me at my fattest and my lightest and I honestly didn't know if I was fatter since the last time I saw her but I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd thanked her but she might of meant I was fat ... rude if so though!

A veiled insult, no way! My Nan, Dm, aunts and their friends all used it as a compliment when they saw each other. I have always taken their cue and used it as meaning, you look happy, bright eyed, glowing.

None of these ladies were anything but kind and loving. It just wouldn't have been a hidden agenda.

@wigglerose

I use it with people who've lost weight but I don't want to be all "YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT" in the face. Am I doing it wrong?

Unless they tell you they have been ill, who doesnt want to hear that they have lost weight?! I worked damn hard to lost 6 stone, so yes I want to hear it :o

I say this fairly frequently, I have never ever meant it as anything other than a compliment, or taken it as anything other than a compliment when said to me. I can't imagine anyone would have thought I meant anything other than what I said- how bizzare that it is sometimes taken as a comment about a person's weight. Really surprised by this thread!

How weird! Round here it means you are looking good. I’ve certainly used it when someone has lost a lot of weight (and had it used to me in that situation) because “you’re looking great because you’ve lost weight” isn’t what anyone wants to hear!

It's a funny one either way.
It means you've put on weight.
Or it could mean that you've lost weight in which case you must have been viewed as a fat heifer before.
It could mean your hair looks fab. Which could signify it looked like a Brillo pad before.
Maybe your make up is enhancing today. So yesterday you had more under eye bags than Tesco.
Perhaps you look like a million dollars. All green and crinkly.

Best to rely on your own judgement on how you look.

It’s a compliment. Only a complete prick would tell you that you’ve put on weight, however phrased. It’s just a complement for 99% of the population, and the 1% who think otherwise aren’t worth your headspace.

I think its all in the intonation.
Like your mum, if someone of my mum's generation, particularly if they were from her home country there was always a ... meaningful pause before the word "well" that left you in no doubt it meant you'd put on weight and it was very noticeable and used to make me curl up and cringe. I always think of something that came from a much older generation tho.

However, if someone's been stressed or ill and they are looking particularly good, and its said without the pause and accent on the word "well" then its probably a fine thing to say and wouldn't have the same effect at all.

100% means that you’re chubby now. Well, that’s what people mean when they say it to me....

When I say it it simply means you're looking well. It's a compliment. Happy, health whatever. Not fat, not you've put on weight, just that you're looking well. No underlying bitchiness here.

I intend it to mean someone looks healthy, happy, rested etc as opposed to tired, drawn, pale and jaded (often like me!)

"You look cheerful" is what it means to me.

I’ve said this in total honesty because the person DOES look well. I can’t imagine what kind of horror you’d have to be to mean “well, you’ve put on some flubber” (actually, I can, my SIL)

I've had it and pretty sure it meant my tan!

ps... I have realised when I hear this from some people, people who haven't seen me in years, that they mean I'm NOT fat. Most people my age are fat.

I always take it as a compliment! Whenever I say it it is usually to someone who looks rested and healthy - that just back from a relaxing week of work look.

Change to the usual pale, drawn & shattered look that usually follows me around!