"You're looking well"

[PremiumMoaner]

Standard mumsnet disclaimer: Light hearted thread

When someone tells you that you are "looking well", what is your first reaction?

Strangely (or not?!) my first reaction is that they think I've put on weight. I think my mum used to joke that "looking well" meant in the "you look like you have been feeding yourself up and look relaxed".

So...I've spent my entire life feeling like people think I'm chubby.

However my friend the other day said I looked like I'd kept the lockdown weight off as I was "looking well". Bugger me, it suddenly became clear that perhaps it ISN'T a veiled insult?!

Tell me: What the heck does "looking well" actually mean?! Have I wasted years of angst on this? Is it actually... a COMPLIMENT?!

What do people think if it's said by a man then ??

I've put on three quarters of a stone and I'm short so it shows. I saw an old neighbour the other day and he said "You look well" ..

I did think it could mean you've put on weight.

A man saying it, what do you think ??

I'm still within healthy BMI and range so I'm not bothered just wondering if it's different with a man ??

You've lost weight

Well fed, well rested.

I have though heard someone say it to a young teen who I know has gained a bit of weight, she was bright red from embarrassment and I couldn't help saying to the offender, you're not looking too bad yourself!
That'll teach her!

I think it really depends who says it to you. My FIL said something similar last week and it very much meant "I've been worried about you during lockdown and you look so much less stressed/healthier than the last few months". He's not wrong!

I think it means you are looking like you have gained weight

This comes up about once a week!

Never heard of the chubby thing before MN.

For me it means what it says, you are looking well ie rested cheerful healthy.

I have no idea why anyone would make veiled insults to their friends etc when they meet them, isn't it more likely they just mean what it says on the tin!

I’ve always understood it as code for ‘you’ve put on weight’. However, I’ve recently lost a few stone and have had people say it to me. I would just rather they told me straight. Can’t be doing with this coded nonsense. It’s not as if I don’t know if I’m fat or not!

I never comment on someone’s appearance unless it’s to admire what they are wearing. Sometimes people have a medical reason for weight gain/loss and want it keep it private.

I use it when I haven't seen someone for ages. Not a comment on whether they actually look well or not!

Depends on who’s saying it to you, I reckon...

I think all these posts have indicated that if its said to someone kindly, in a nice way, to someone who is clearly not putting on weight then its a kind and harmless cheery comment.
But it definitely was the kind of comment that certain of my Irish aunties used to say to younger relatives when I was growing up to indicate they'd put on weight or put them in their place and each side knew exactly what was meant. It was a thing.
So it depends on the speaker, their intentions and the person they are saying it to.

Why the fuck would it mean you look fat?
The only people who look well after gaining weight are former anorexics or someone who had previously lost a lot of weight through illness.

I say this all the time and now I'm stressing that I've offended people when I only meant they were looking good. Fuck!

Genuinely I’ll say it to mean,skin/hair/appearance looks good =healthy
It’s not code for anything. It’s not a thinly veiled dig
Some of you must live by very peculiar social codes. Like Miranda Priestly

In Northern Ireland everyone says it. It's always a compliment. It can either refer to their appearance, ie looking good, or their health. Or a bit of both!

It means you're looking fat

@Ginfordinner

This again! (sigh)

It does NOT mean you have put on weight unless you are paranoid and look for insults in everything anyone says to you. Anyone who thinks that must be difficult to be around.

It means that you look well, as in not unwell FGS.

I was thinking it must be about a week since we last had this thread

There does seem to be a bit of an obsession with the phrase on MN and there's nothing more to be said that different people use it in different ways, there is no consensus

Maybe it’s a regional or generational thing? Where I come from it generally means someone’s out on weight and the person can’t think what else to say.

You should have put a vote on this one.

Well in London it means fat. What region are you all in then?

I both say and receive it as a compliment - that someone looks well, be that relaxed, happy, healthy....

DM says it to people who she thinks have gained weight. She's not the nicest though!

I use it when someone genuinely looks well and healthy. I’ll stop saying it now. I had no idea it could be taken as an insult.

'Bonny' meaning chubby (like a Bonny Bairn) was always a compliment according to my DDad because a thin baby was considered sickly and ill.
Though he did call my daughter "Sturdy" when she was a baby because she was able to sit up , which I took as a compliment .

"Oh you look smart" if I'm at work in normal clothes because Im usually in uniform. So I can banter back , "Mmm are you trying to say I'm usually like Worzells Gummidges scruffy cousin? "

I've only ever had it said to me when my mental health was in a good place so figured it meant my eyes were bright, I didn't look tired, and I looked more cheerful than usual.

i think it generally means someones looking healthy and rested. It definitely doesnt mean fat or weight related at all.
I mean, obviously some people are probably making passive aggressive veiled insults, but its a bit paranoid to think thats what it means in general.