If your a sahm

[Pinkandblue20]

If your a sahm and fully reliant on your partner for money do you cook them dinner every night ?
By reliant I mean I have to ask for money it's not in a joint account etc

Why the fuck would you need o ask for money? You need to be equal partners if a sahm, and married for legal protection.

Yes, men who are financially abusive refusing access to money are often men who think they should be waited upon hand and foot.
😕

Are you married?

You should have access to a joint account.

That doesn’t sound like a very healthy dynamic.

I’m not a SAHM but at times have been financially dependent on dh. I’ve always had full access to our money and he’s always done cooking/housework (I’ve done more at times when I’ve had more time at home). It’s miserable cooking every single night.

I do the cooking but we have a joint account! 'Asking for money' just seems wrong to me.

I'd be asking for a joint account not a bloody allowance!

Also it's "stay at home mum" last time I checked I was certainly not DH's mother so if I get a chance to cook dinner then I do, if the kids are being beasts then I don't. It's not expected, it's just appreciated.

I was a sahm for a couple of years and while I cooked most nights and did all of the shopping I very rarely had to ask for money and if I did ask I was never questioned.

I also had access to his bank card and pin so was effectively a joint account.

You know you can ask about the money situation straight away here, no need to disguise it under cooking.

Was sahm joint decision? Is tgere a reason you don't have an access (gambling etc)?

I am a sahm who cooks dinner 90% of the time. I enjoy cooking. He does the washing up and dishwasher loading 90% of the time. However, I have my own bank account, we gave a joint account and a joint credit card. I never have to ask for money or explain why I’ve spent money. We are a team and our money is completely shared.

I'm a sahm and we have a joint account but yes during the week I cook dinner as my oh gets home around 6pm but at the weekends he cooks we also have a joint savings account aswell

I’m a SAHM but our money is just that - our money. Of course we consult each other for larger purchases but I would have done that whether I was the one earning it or not! And no, we take turns making dinner every night. I do all the childcare that’s my job, the house is both of our responsibilities as it still would be if we both worked full time

I'm a sahm but I don't have to ask for money. I have full access to current account, savings and credit card. We share the cooking.

It sounds like cooking dinner is the least of your problems.

You should never be a sahm unless married (or have an independent source of income) and with access to the joint account. You should never have to ask for money.
You are a sahp to the children, not your partner. I do cook, but then I have time to (kids are not tiny and needy). You shouldn't feel obligated if you are busy looking after the children. You are not his skivvy!

You shouldn’t be reliant on him giving you money. You should have equal access to a joint account. Whether you cook dinner or not is totally irrelevant.

Thats not being reliant. Thats being controlled.

All SAHP should have access to the bank accounts and they certainly shouldn’t have to ask for money.

I am staggered at the thought of this actually going on

I'm a sham mum. DH still furloughed and not working. He's taken over cooking. When he worked, I cook. Money wise i let him know what I need. I don't ask for pocket money.

I was a sahm for 3 years and I never once had to ask my spouse for money. His paycheck was my paycheck since I enabled him to earn money by caring for our child.

And no, I rarely cooked dinner. Had a high needs baby who never wanted to be set down.

OP after being in your situation for 9 years, I can tell you now. Having to ask for money is very exhausting. Not as much as having to 'make a list' of what is needed so it can be picked up instead of money handed over granted, but still exhausting.

Have that conversation now, don't end up in the position I was in. Also, I don't believe being a SAHM means you become a parent to your partner too but then others here will have a different opinion. Mine is if I'm cooking anyway yes but I'm not going to time my day around making sure a meal is on the table for any one other than the kids.

I was a SAHM for ages. We have always had a joint account with equal access to money. I want what's best for us financially just as he does; we're a unit.

I did and do most of the cooking but the two are unconnected.

Yes I’m a SAHM. Take turns to cook dinner and share all housework responsibilities. He pays for everything and transfers me £100 a week to spend on myself. I get all the child benefit too.

I'm a SAHM and that's certainly not the case. My DH and I have equal access to our joint account. Although I'm not typical in that I contributed a lot of the capital towards the purchase of our home, because I sold the flat I previously owned in Greater London, which I owned outright thanks to an inheritance.

I used to cook for my DH every night, but for then last year I had a bad bout of flu, which turned to pneumonia, and it led to me developing CFS, and I then developed long-term COVID symptoms, which are thankfully clearing up now. (I'm temporarily out of action with a badly sprained ankle, but thankfully it wasn't broken. ) I always had PTSD, so my MH was never great.

We have adopted DDs of 11 and 8, which previously made the logistics of me having a job difficult as DD1 was having a lot of appointments, and now that she's no longer having those (because of COVID) my health is shot to pieces.

Pink regardless of who cooks (and DH probably cooks 3 evening meals a week, I do breakfasts, lunches, snacks plus the rest of the dinners), you should have access to sufficient money. I have access to the current account, joint credit card, and am a SAHM. DH even got the hoover out before breakfast - and the kids are school age.