Page 6 | If your a sahm

Pinkandblue20 · 2020-08-20T13:53:40+00:00

If your a sahm and fully reliant on your partner for money do you cook them dinner every night ? By reliant I mean I have to ask for money it's not in a joint account etc

ivfdreaming · 20/08/2020 17:00

If you are a SAHM then yes cooking dinner is your responsibility

But NO you shouldn't need to ask for money

ThePlantsitter · 20/08/2020 17:02

If you are a SAHM then yes cooking dinner is your responsibility

Maybe in your house ivfdreaming. Not as a gold plated rule. As I have already said, financially supporting your family (as opposed to practically caring for them) does not but you a servant.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2020 17:02

If you are a SAHM then yes cooking dinner is your responsibility

That’s for each couple to work out isn’t it? There’s no hard and fast rule.

What about weekends when they’re both off?

Mrsemcgregor · 20/08/2020 17:03

I’m a SAHM of 8 years (though I do volunteer for an emergency service at the weekend and sometimes while the kids are at school) and we don’t have a joint account. But he transfers me money every month but it’s in my favour (ie I get more spare cash after the bills in my name than he does).

I do all the cooking and cleaning and most of the laundry and family admin (birthdays, Xmas, holidays, appointments, school stuff etc). We both are happy with the arrangement.

botswanabanana · 20/08/2020 17:03

SAHM here. DH finds two account I can access- one for groceries, kids etc that we both have access to, and one for myself that only I have access to.
Neither of these are his main account.
I have been married 12 years and definitely have not made dinner every night. If I have, its usually in the fridge not on the table, as he is (was before lockdown) unpredictable at getting home on time

starfishmummy · 20/08/2020 17:04

We used to share. I say used to because since covid and wfh dh has decided to take over most of the cooking as his "transition from work to home" activity.

botswanabanana · 20/08/2020 17:04

DH FUNDS two account that should say.
I also have a cleaner and gardeners.

ScarMatty · 20/08/2020 17:05

@DorsetCamping

I never said anything about asking.

It just gets handed to me every morning to spend as I wish

Onesailwait · 20/08/2020 17:07

When I was a sahm I mostly cooked during the week. On weekends he would cook or we would cook together. We didn't have a joint account, I had my own account that CB was paid into and he would transfer half of what was left after mortgage bills & food shopping. We did have a joint credit card we would both run large purchases by each other.

smallestleaf · 20/08/2020 17:08

SAHM mum here
No joint account, totally pointless.
He just gives me his card

Why do you have to ask for his card? Why don't you have your own card?
With my ex, we had a joint credit card account and I had my own card so could spend as I wanted and he paid the bill each month.
I also had my own small income I earnt and I kept that too, enabling me build up my own separate savings/ pension..

ScarMatty · 20/08/2020 17:09

@smallestleaf

I never said anything about asking, it just gets handed to me every morning to spend on what I see fit

I have my own card, but there is f all on it as I don't work currently

ivfdreaming · 20/08/2020 17:09

@ThePlantsitter

No but I wouldn't expect someone who has been at work all day to then come home and start putting the dinner on when the other has been home all day/baby clubs/walks in the park/meeting up with other mums........

Oldraver · 20/08/2020 17:10

Out of the last 10 years while OH lived with me I have been a SAHM for 8 years (not worked for the last 6 months)

I have had my own money and have never had to ask for money beyond...I need to buy x can you leave your card.

OH works 4 on 4 off and always cooks when he is at home

Enterthedragons · 20/08/2020 17:10

Same as most above I’m a SAHM but we have a joint account and it’s considered our money, I don’t have to ask to purchase anything. He is usually still on the phone working until at least 7pm so I do all the cooking for us and DC (otherwise we’d all get hangry).

ThePlantsitter · 20/08/2020 17:12

[quote ivfdreaming]@ThePlantsitter

No but I wouldn't expect someone who has been at work all day to then come home and start putting the dinner on when the other has been home all day/baby clubs/walks in the park/meeting up with other mums........[/quote]
Your experience of being a SAHP is quite different from mine of this is how you describe it. Which is of course great for you. Of course no two people have the same experience of anything. That's why it's unhelpful to give advice/instruction as if they do.

aToadOnTheWhole · 20/08/2020 17:12

Sahm. I have access to both accounts and can easily transfer money between. I sort all financial things. Most days I do sort him food to take to work with him. It's not unusual for me to sort him something to eat when he gets in (after everyone is in bed). I facilitate his life and he facilitates mine, we are a team.

You should never have to ask for money or beg for scraps. You're not his housemaid or slave. He sounds controlling and unreasonable, you need to extracate yourself from this relationship. You deserve better.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2020 17:15

No but I wouldn't expect someone who has been at work all day to then come home and start putting the dinner on when the other has been home all day/baby clubs/walks in the park/meeting up with other mums........

Home all day doing what? Probably not sitting around on their arse...

ramakinsmarties · 20/08/2020 17:16

I have to do cooking, cleaning and 95% of childcare.

He pays all bills and I work as a cleaner part time to pay for my phone and contact lenses every month. He pays for holidays (maybe one per year) including holidays for himself which he takes 2/3x a year. Buys himself clothes and gets me new shoes at xmas if I ask.

Dont feel like his partner and sometimes refer myself as a single mother. Can't claim benefits because he earns too much. But if I leave then I'll become homeless.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 20/08/2020 17:17

I have a very very part time job, but i earn well under 1k so im not exactly a sahm

But dh earns the bulk of the money and i do not give him his tea every night 😀

He also transfers a few hundred to my bank account each month though i do have access To the rest of the accounts.

Therarestone · 20/08/2020 17:22

I'm a sahm, but have access to all money on joint account and credit card, don't have to ask to spend anything so I guess not reliant as you've said.

I don't cook him dinner ever, he is vegan, I'm not, he's very particular over his meals.

If he ate meat or was even just vegetarian then I would cook for him because he would eat what I'm making myself and the kids anyway.

Therarestone · 20/08/2020 17:23

Just as a side note it worries me when you have to ask for money?! We have never done that

GrouchyKiwi · 20/08/2020 17:24

[quote ivfdreaming]@ThePlantsitter

No but I wouldn't expect someone who has been at work all day to then come home and start putting the dinner on when the other has been home all day/baby clubs/walks in the park/meeting up with other mums........[/quote]
Hahaha. I'm home all day. Home all day looking after and educating three children. (We home ed, nothing to do with covid.)

I do the vast majority of cooking anyway (because I mostly enjoy it), but if I wanted to share 50/50 with DH he would be happy to because my job is looking after the children, not chef.

Wecandothis99 · 20/08/2020 17:26

I cook every night but because I love it and I'm a bit of a control freak in the kitchen. He would do it for me if I asked tho. And I use a cc which is linked to his account,no asking for money, that's ridiculous!

Waveysnail · 20/08/2020 17:27

Iv been sahm last few months and mon-fri I have dh dinner ready (well family dinner) every night for him coming in. Weekends he often cooks as has more time. Finances - we have bill account and dh pays most wage into ot and keep bit as his spending money. I then draw the same amount from bill account for spending as dh keeps back.

Waveysnail · 20/08/2020 17:28

Dh was a sahd for a while and he hated asking for money so we came up with the bill account system