If your a sahm

[Pinkandblue20]

If your a sahm and fully reliant on your partner for money do you cook them dinner every night ?
By reliant I mean I have to ask for money it's not in a joint account etc

I’m a stay at home mum, married with access to the joint account.
I make breakfast lunch and dinner Monday to Friday because that’s part of what I see as my ‘job role‘.
At the weekend my husband mainly does it as I see those days as my time off.

What is the reason you don’t have access to the family’s income?

I'm a SAHM but I dont have to "ask" for money, half of my Partner's salary goes into an account we share, but I have the card for and half goes into his own account for things like bills, christmases and birthday presents. It's really not healthy or right to stay in a relationship where you're financially abused

We dont live in the forties anymore

When I have been a SAHP then yes, I did all the cooking because we felt it fell within my role and we would have been starving if we had to wait for him to come home and cook.

i have always cooked dinner because my husband cooks shite, when i wasn't earning any money because i was a stay at home parent i had access to all the accounts i didn't have to go cap in hand asking for money or have an allowance like a child!

Thats not being reliant. Thats being controlled.

I’m a SAHM and cook for DH because I want to and he appreciates it. If I’m tired or something, he’ll just cook for the family, no questions asked.

I have access to joined account but also some of the money DH earns goes into my pension, ISA etc I’ve never had to ‘ask’ once.

I cook every meal, but he looks after the kids while i do and its nice to get away for a bit in that respect.
We're on a permanent tight budget so we will both as the other about purchases, he will ask if theres enough money to pick up lunch at work, and I'll mention I've seen a new jumper I like but don't need, is there anything more important we need right now, or can I grab it?
Its not permission as such, but we can both say no to the other. It works for us.
If we had a bigger income I think there would be less discussions in small purchases, but obviously we are where we are right now.

Jesus Christ. It’s so sad to see the number of women on here in abusive relationships. Time to go back to work and get your financial freedom?

It's not like that, he doesn't withhold money, if I ask for something he hands the card over straight away but yes I do have to ask for everything I want/need unless he's given me the card for the day

Why can’t you have your own card?
That’s quite demoralising.

Why don’t you have your own card?

so if he is out and you need money, you don't have access as he has not handed you the card?

I would get a job for a starters!

and why do you not have your own card! Why don't you have a joint account?

Are you married?

Our account joint. I think you should have your own atm card. Ridiculous if there was ever an emergency. He doesnt watch my spending we just monitor the direct debits etc coming out

No not married. If I needed something I'd ask and he would transfer the money into my own bank account

I'm a SAHM and have absolute access to everything, joint account, joint credit card. You should have your own card there should be a joint account, anything else is wrong, you should not be made to feel beholden to him. Why won't he give you your own card? Simply lack of thought or is it a genuine issue of control??

So why not set up a regular payment to your account so you’re not going cap in hand to him?

Ah. I see this will be the same teeth pulling like experience like the lats thread.

Op, if you can actually write what's on your mind, properly, you will get very good advice here.

Have a joint account. A card each.

Have you ever asked for this? and explained to him it's not 1950 anymore

No not married. If I needed something I'd ask and he would transfer the money into my own bank account

but still doesn't explain why you don't have a joint account. You basically have no access to funds unless he grants them to you. This is not normal.

How old are the kids and what is the housing situation.

Or he simply converts the "bills" account into a joint one and opens his own individual account. That way money for household expenses including food come from the joint pot.

Not married and a stay at home mum puts you in a very precarious situation. You only have to read some of the threads on here where women have been totally shafted in these situations. It’s demoralising that you ask for money. Like I said, I would seriously be looking for a job.

What did you want to know when you started this thread OP?

Does that not make you feel like a child, having to ask 😳

So... best case scenario you always have access to his money (and it clearly is his money in your household).

To the question of cooking. It’s perfectly fine for a couple to decide on a fair division of labour that means one person cooks.

So you’re going to have to be more explicit.

Let me guess: you’re running around after your (2? - “pink and blue”) children all day and do all the housework. You don’t stop. Then he comes home from work, does fuck all and expects you to continue working - to cook his lordship’s dinner?

You really will need to explain what’s going on if you want helpful replies.

I did state what I meant in the thread, I've been told that it's an issue that I haven't had his dinner cooked in the evening and that he's had to do it and has probably made him feel worthless !! This has been said by someone else so I was wondering if I should have been doing his dinner etc even thou I'm clearly below him!!

You should have a joint account. Or at minimum have a card which gives you access to his account.

Also you ought to be married if you're a SAHM. If you' have children and are not working you're in a very vulnerable position, particularly if you're with a man who makes you go to ask him for money.

Have you discussed marriage?

You should really look for a job. It's a very vulnerable position to be in with someone who makes you ask for access to money.