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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD(11) home all day?

184 replies

YayGlitter · 18/08/2020 19:38

DD is 11, nearly 12, just starting secondary school. Very well behaved and sensible. She likes having an hour or so to herself when I go out shopping, walk the dog etc but has never been left longer than that.

Her Dad has just got a job after many years unemployed, I work in a school and go back 3 days before DD starts her new school, there's no way in hell I can take the first 3 days of term off and he won't ask about time off because of his job being new (he started this week).

DD would be on her own from about 7.30am to 6pm for 3 days running. Her dad insists that'll be fine, I don't like the idea, but I know I can be a bit anxious about things and now I can't work out if it's ok or not.

So wibu to leave her home alone that long?

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 18/08/2020 19:42

People on here will tell you they don't even leave their teenagers alone but I was left longer at a younger age and so was everyone I know growing up. If she's sensible, has a way of contacting you and is happy with it I'm sure she'll enjoy it.

ILoveFood87 · 18/08/2020 19:45

I wouldn't. But I base my decision on if I'd leave my son that long which I just couldn't do. He burnt himself on the kettle when I left him for a few hours. Also he said he gets lonely and opened the door to a strange man (only a parcel) when i told him do not open the door. You decide OP you know your daughter x

yomellamoHelly · 18/08/2020 19:45

Is there any way you can pop home and check up on her at lunchtime? Otherwise do you think there's a chance of leaving a little early, if not bang on time? (Was able to do this as a TA when in the same boat. Line manager happy to let me do it.)

Sunnydaysandsalad · 18/08/2020 19:46

My ds is the same age.
Hanging the washing out while he is home concerns me!!
Dd's have had the odd hour /afternoon home alone at 13 +14 but wouldn't have at 12 ish.
Maybe because the situation hasn't arisen though..
You know your dd but mine would have panicked at that age..

Lovesgood · 18/08/2020 19:46

People on here will tell you to not let your 17 year old alone for longer than 2 minutes, however leaving your 4 months old in nursery is just fine and dandy... Hmm
People have lost all common sense, but that is just my opinion.
So yes, leave her to it she is 11 years old! She will be fine!

Boom45 · 18/08/2020 19:48

So long as she's happy to spend that long alone then I dont think there's anything wrong with that. Maybe see if she wants a friend over for company in the afternoon or something?

hammeringinmyhead · 18/08/2020 19:49

leaving your 4 months old in nursery is just fine and dandy...

Is it not fine?

Mummadeeze · 18/08/2020 19:50

I wouldn’t. My DD is sensible and the same age but three days, all day seems too much to me. Could she go to a friend’s house or something?

minnieok · 18/08/2020 19:51

Does she have a friend she could stay with one of the days maybe, might be pretty lonely for her

sanityisamyth · 18/08/2020 19:51

I was 10 when I was left in charge of a psychotic 8 year old and a 4 year old.

Doesn't sound like your DD needs to be responsible for anything except herself. You would know if she's up to that. Is she happy to be left? Can she cook a few easy snacks? Toast, something and chips in the oven etc? Ask her if she's happy and go from there! Good luck x

Runnerduck34 · 18/08/2020 19:53

Is there anyone close by neighbour/ friend for an emergency?
Or could she go to a friend's house for at least part of the day?
How quickly could you get home if needed?
Tbh i wouldnt want to leave my dc alone for that length of at that age, they will probably be fine but ( i know from experience!) they cant cope with an emergency at that age. So i think it depends on how close help at hand is.
But its only 3 days so its not going to be a regular thing and sometimes you have to take a balanced view, how does your dc feel about it? Could you pop home at lunchtime? I do sympathise my dh and i have had similar dilemmas and dh always thinks it will be fine but even if everything goes smoothly they can get a bit anxious being left for a long period of time alone.

Original poster
YayGlitter · 18/08/2020 19:53

@yomellamoHelly sadly I wouldn't have time to pop back at lunch and hours are so long coz I do afterschool club so leaving early would affect ratios.

OP posts:
WoWsers16 · 18/08/2020 19:53

I've done it with my 11 year old - I don't see any issues. We showed him how to lock/unlock the door. Told him not to answer the door to anyone (we are in a bungalow so he just keeps his curtains closed).
I made a big packed lunch dinner for him (which he had eaten by 10am lol however was able to make some more.
I tell him to keep his phone on him and if I message him he has 5 minutes to message me back.
People have difference of opinions which is fine - but by leaving her you are not a bad parent and some people can't do it but realistically if it has to be done it will be fine! She will probably love it!! Xx

RedRumTheHorse · 18/08/2020 19:53

She will be fine left alone all day but will likely be bored after day 2.

Is there a friend she can hang around with or an older relation/family friend you can call on to visit her on day 2 or 3?

Lifeisabeach09 · 18/08/2020 19:56

OP, if you feel she is responsible enough, knows not to leave the house, open door to ANYONE, and would know what to do in an emergency-fire, first aid, scald/burn, then yes, with regularly contact.

My DD is soon to be 11. I leave her for short periods to go shopping. She does not open the door to ANYONE bar family. She calls me frequently and she knows what to do if the smoke alarms go off, if she cuts herself, gets burned or scalded, and knows to turn the cooker off after use!

Infullbloom · 18/08/2020 19:57

I think it's fine. I had to leave my 11yr old 4 days a week for 7 hours for half the school holidays. He did see friends sometimes and 2 of my neighbours who are friends/parents of his friends were at home close-by as were his GP's, so adults around if he needed one. He was fine.

MinesAPintOfTea · 18/08/2020 19:58

I was left at that age. I would consider asking friends for a favour as it is very time limited though - is there anything you can offer in exchange (having them for a day or two next week?)

Original poster
YayGlitter · 18/08/2020 19:58

Most of her friends will be at school (she's the only one from her primary going to the new school) but yeah, I could ask round see if anyone's free, I hadn't thought of that.

Emergency wise, next door and downstairs are both retired and lovely so she could pop round in an emergency, but it would be probably half an hour/45 minutes before I could get home.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 18/08/2020 19:59

I know it's not helpful to hear this, but it really does depend on the individual child.

As a General Rule though I think she's old enough to be left at home for a day on her own.

How would she feel about it?

How biddable v rule breaking is she?

Is she risk adverse or a risk taker?

Is there anyone she could spend some time with?

Charleyhorses · 18/08/2020 20:00

Yes. I have done with mine

Igotmyholiday · 18/08/2020 20:02

It's only 3 days, she'll be bored but fine, will other kids be online and she could chat over x box or similar? My ds same age and would be fine but a wee bit bored and hungry as too lazy to eat

welcometohell · 18/08/2020 20:02

Are you friendly with any of her friends parents? If so could you ask if she can spend at least part of the day round their house or maybe a sleepover? Then she'll be tired the next day and won't mind just chilling at home. Are there any local holiday clubs still running for any of those three days? Quite a few of the Y7 at the school where I work go to sport/drama clubs during the holidays so they're not on their own all day while Parents are working or just because they get bored or into mischief if left to their own devices. If all else fails could you hire a babysitter for those three days? I'd imagine they'd bite your hand off as looking after one 11 year old who is likely to spend most of the day in her room ignoring them (if she's anything like most of the 11 year olds I know) must be a cushy number compared to what they're used to!

Angeldust747 · 18/08/2020 20:03

It's only 3 days, I wouldn't do it for an extended time but as a one off like this I don't see a problem. If you're happy that they will be safe then I see no problem at all

Wannakisstheteacher · 18/08/2020 20:03

@Infullbloom, sorry but that is shocking and bordering on negligence. Leaving an 11 year old home alone all day 4 days a week is just not right at all.

TheChosenTwo · 18/08/2020 20:04

Maybe test out half a day over the next couple of weeks, or at least 2 or 3 hours so she has a bit of practise time and can ask any questions about things that have arisen while you were out.
It’s not ideal to go from being left home for an odd hour to 3 full days (I know you’ll be back inbetween!) and she might be bored/lonely but I have done it with my dc from when they were in senior school because I work in a school and can’t take time off for them when they have inset days etc.
I echo a pp, try and find out if there is a friend who could come over for the day, leave snacks out so no one is tempted to cook although mine made flapjacks/cupcakes etc from year 7 even I wasn’t around although they had always been quite involved in cooking and knew how the oven worked.

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