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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD(11) home all day?

184 replies

YayGlitter · 18/08/2020 19:38

DD is 11, nearly 12, just starting secondary school. Very well behaved and sensible. She likes having an hour or so to herself when I go out shopping, walk the dog etc but has never been left longer than that.

Her Dad has just got a job after many years unemployed, I work in a school and go back 3 days before DD starts her new school, there's no way in hell I can take the first 3 days of term off and he won't ask about time off because of his job being new (he started this week).

DD would be on her own from about 7.30am to 6pm for 3 days running. Her dad insists that'll be fine, I don't like the idea, but I know I can be a bit anxious about things and now I can't work out if it's ok or not.

So wibu to leave her home alone that long?

OP posts:
WoWsers16 · 18/08/2020 20:05

It is NOT bording on negligence at all! Ignore the dramatics!
However it does depend on the child like a PP has said xx

drspouse · 18/08/2020 20:06

Could she come to the after school club just for those days? The one at DD school takes younger secondary children.

iwishiwasonhol · 18/08/2020 20:08

it totally depends on the child ,my dd (only child)15 hates being on her own for along period of time ,was always ok from about 13 but that was cos she could see friends / have them over when i was at work ,she is finding it really hard atm

SpnBaby1967 · 18/08/2020 20:09

I left my daughter home alone for 5 days whilst I worked having just started a new job and her dad was at work. She was 10, nearly 11.

She loved it! Spent the whole day watching Netflix. Shes quite capable at making her own lunch so happily did that and I got home by 5.30pm and made dinner.

She knew not to answer the door, has phone numbers on her phone if she needed anything. Neighbours next door and my friends teenagers popped by a couple of days to check she was okay.

Luckily I was able to call her regularly throughout the day too.

Only you know your child, but by secondary school age I'd expect most kids to be fine at home for a few days.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/08/2020 20:12

I think it’s ok but would investigate if she could go to a friend’s for some or all of the time.

uglyface · 18/08/2020 20:12

Perfectly acceptable, so long as she’s happy.

I loved it when I had an INSET at secondary and my mum was at work and sister at primary. Used to watch videos all day and eat Angel Delight for lunch.

PineconeOfDoom · 18/08/2020 20:12

I was left on my own at that age. I loved it and definitely wasn’t bored! My mum would ring a couple of times to check I was ok (and up).

vanillandhoney · 18/08/2020 20:18

She'll be fine. I was left all summer at that age. I suspect she'll watch a lot of TV, play video games and eat snacks!

willotree · 18/08/2020 20:22

I think it sounds fine and it's only for a few days. If she's sensible and there's someone she can go to in an emergency then there's no reason not to

Dancingdeer77 · 18/08/2020 20:30

I think it’s fine but if you have any friends she could go and ‘help’ one or two of the days would be better. I’d happily have a friend’s older child round to help out, hang about. Maybe ask around.

Clymene · 18/08/2020 20:30

Yes I did. It's what happens to a lot of secondary aged children in the holidays because they are too old for holiday clubs

TheChosenTwo · 18/08/2020 20:30

Oh yes I forgot to say and someone just reminded me, I was left for entire weeks from 10 during the holidays if I wasn’t going to grandparents, my mum worked and couldn’t afford to send me to clubs, none of my friends lived nearby. She went and bought a load of snacks and treats, rented me various videos (yeah okay, it was a while ago 😂) and I spent my days lazing about - no one badgering me to tidy my room or brush my teeth!
I was and still am very happy in my own company. Chance would be a fine thing at the moment!

Malin52 · 18/08/2020 20:31

My mum went back to work when I was 11 so I was left home all school holidays and used to let myself in at 3.30 every night when I got home from school.

I loved it. I had strict instructions to not answer the door to anyone. Not allowed to use oven or hob. I knows my mums work number, my aunt's number who was round the corner and I was told to rush to our neighbours in emergency. My mum used to come home for lunch though for an hour to check on me

I adored it. Felt grown up and responsible and used to watch TV and read all day. Chat on the phone to friends

Neglect!! Honestly!

ClickandForget · 18/08/2020 20:44

I couldn't have done it. My dc didn't like being alone though. Live rurally and no very close neighbours.

Littleposh · 18/08/2020 20:46

My daughter took herself to her first day of senior school on 2 buses, brought herself back on 2 buses and stayed home til we had finished work. She has done this everyday possible since and spent everyday in the holidays on her own if/when we are working. That said, she is very sensible and mature and I really didn't have a choice so we just got on. Me and my brother were 14 and 11 when our dad left us alone overnight to go on a 15 hour night shift as a fireman

bridgetreilly · 18/08/2020 20:47

I think it's absolutely fine. Arrange to ring her a couple of times during the day to check in, and make sure she knows what to do in an emergency, but she's old enough to learn to look after herself.

june2007 · 18/08/2020 20:48

I did and she was fine, but it depends very much on the child.

KatieB55 · 18/08/2020 20:48

I travelled from Devon to Heathrow & got a flight across Europe on my own at age 11 with no mobile phone (military child). There were a few hair-raising incidents & missed connections but it taught me lots. It made me very resilient & independent at an early age.

katy1213 · 18/08/2020 20:51

For three days? She'll be fine! There will always be someone on Mumsnet whose kid had a dummy until they were 25.

whiteroseredrose · 18/08/2020 20:54

I did with DD. It was the summer holidays after Year 7 and she'd just turned 12. Netflix was her babysitter.

MInd you DD has always been sensible, my work was 15 mins walk away and my DM lived around the corner.

Stressing · 18/08/2020 20:55

Gosh that's a long time. It's not the safety issue even as much as is that good for her? I would think that's a long time without any company, mentally. What would she do alone all day?

aureliacecilia · 18/08/2020 20:56

I was after school by myself with a sister who was two years younger at her age but I was a very mature 11 year old and also it wasn't all day. I think you need to take time off or ask for a friend/family member to help out.

Stressing · 18/08/2020 20:57

Oh sorry, I thought it was every week. If it's just a one off and she doesn't mind then sure she'll be ok.

WouldBeGood · 18/08/2020 21:02

I would do it as it’s needs must for three days. Wouldn’t do it all day every day but this is fine, as long as she’s ok with it.

Doilooklikeatourist · 18/08/2020 21:05

I'd have done it
Mine would have layed in til noon anyway , then had snacks and watched tv / played Xbox for the rest of the day

It's only 3 days , it'll be fine

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