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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel 65 to 70 is too young to pass away

217 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 16/08/2020 16:30

I’ve recently lost my father at the age of 70. I feel he was young to pass away but I’ve been told by others I should have been expecting it any time due to his age. My dad lost his mum at 65 so i suppose it could be genetic.

OP posts:
annabel85 · 16/08/2020 18:56

Yes and no. The fact you have to pretty much work till that age nowadays means your 70s are your big retirement years (used to be 60s).

80+ is old.

1forAll74 · 16/08/2020 18:58

Most people in my family have been long lived, as in late 80, 90. and 100 in one case, but my Sister died two weeks ago, she was 71 and seven years younger than me. She had not looked after her health for many years, was very overweight, and had an alcohol problem for years. She had been diagnosed with liver and bowel cancer a few months ago.

It had always been on my mind that my Sisters life span would be reduced because of her lifestyle.

Malaya · 16/08/2020 19:00

My aunt passed away a few months ago at the age of 65. It was unexpected and a huge loss for all of us. She was so looking forward to her new life after retiring at the end of last year. She had two very young grandchildren she was looking forward to spending more time with. So many people said she was too young to die.

Terralee · 16/08/2020 19:05

Sorry for your loss OP - 70 does seem young for someone to pass away nowadays unless they have existing poor health such as a heart condition.

But perceptions of age are very subjective.

For example it would be considered young in my family as most of my late grandparents / great aunts & uncles died in their late 80s - mid 90s.

So when my favourite Uncle died suddenly aged 74 in April we were shocked & saddened as he didn't even seen elderly!!Yet in some families 74 would be considered a good old age.

I think that when someone's grieving it's in poor taste to comment on their age, or to say "well they had a good life" its just an insensitive thing to say when the bereaved individual is really missing that person!

Floralnomad · 16/08/2020 19:09

I think it depends on pre existing health conditions . My dad dies suddenly at 51 and my mum at 78 , but she had lots of co morbidities and sadly the NHS decided that because of that they wouldn’t bother to treat her . Sorry for your loss OP , 70 is too young nowadays .

Lilgreen · 16/08/2020 19:12

Sorry for your loss op. It’s not young. I’ve lost people in their 50s and younger so 70+ seems like the age it gets real. Lost my DM at 74 and she was very young in mind and body and energy but cancer doesn’t care.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2020 19:13

@sixlemons

Both my parents had passed away by the time I was 30. Being an only child, with my only other relative an unmarried uncle, it was a bit lonely.
That sounds really tough for you. I’m sorry . Flowers
VictoriaBun · 16/08/2020 19:15

My father died aged 53 of a heart attack and my mum of cancer at 79.
I'm sorry for your loss.

minnieok · 16/08/2020 19:16

It's young considering average life expectancy is 80, but far from unusual. It's upsetting at any age and I'm sorry for your loss.

In reality it depends so many factors, and your friends should be more sympathetic but they are kind of right in that every year past around 65 the likelihood increases, it's still sad though

Miseryl · 16/08/2020 19:21

It's not young in my opinion. Many people die in their 60s and 70s.

littlealexhorne · 16/08/2020 19:24

I agree OP, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it definitely depends on how their health was generally. I lost my Grandma not too long ago, she was in her mid 70s which I guess is a fair age, but up until her last two weeks she'd always been in very good health, so I guess it was a shock for things to change so rapidly. Its obviously sad to lose someone at any age, but I think more so when you feel they had more life to live and more memories you could've made together.

Fernie6491 · 16/08/2020 19:26

My DH and I are both 73, fairly fit and active, and don't really feel our age, having been told from the start of the pandemic we are in the 'vulnerable' group it feels strange.
We have continued going out, and doing shopping for ourselves and also for our neighbour who although considerably younger is (was) in the 'shielding' group. Neither of us feels as if we are ready to 'go' yet, we feel we've still got a lot of living to do.
So yes, thedaywewillremember, it IS too young, sorry for your loss.
Flowers

Defenbaker · 16/08/2020 19:30

YANBU, it's several years younger than the average life expectancy for people in the UK. My parents were in their 80s when they died, and were both quite poorly, so their deaths were not unexpected, but it still shook me to the core when they died. I'm sorry for your loss, it's tough losing a parent.

Devlesko · 16/08/2020 19:31

I would be shocked to lose someone in good health at 70.
I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks
However, I think it used to be the accepted age, is it the Bible that says 3 score years and 10, for life expectancy.
It's a shock at any age though.

PostcodeJack · 16/08/2020 19:37

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's no age but even at 120 it's still awful x

VinylDetective · 16/08/2020 19:38

It feels very young to me as my family are long livers, my parents were 97 and 99.

lydia7986 · 16/08/2020 19:42

I think it depends on lifestyle.

If you have relatives who have been lifelong smokers, who you know are going to end up with COPD and/or lung cancer, or obese relatives diagnosed with T2 diabetes who don’t put any effort into controlling the disease, then losing them at 70 isn’t going to come as a shock.

But if they were healthy and living full lives, until they suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack or had a cancer diagnosis out of the blue, then 70 is very young to lose them.

VinylDetective · 16/08/2020 19:49

@PlanDeRaccordement

It’s young for men born more recently, but for those born in 1950 the life expectancy is 67yrs
That’s globally, it’s 86 for men born in the UK in 1950.
user1497207191 · 16/08/2020 19:52

I lost my father at 69 and father in law at 67, neither had long term conditions.

augustusglupe · 16/08/2020 20:01

My Dad was 70 when he died. It seemed young to me because I was only 25. Mum died at 73 and my brother at 64.
I’m worried that as a family we don’t seem to make old bones.
I’m looking after myself and keeping everything crossed, all I can do.

Happymum12345 · 16/08/2020 20:07

Yes, it does see too young. I’m so sorry Flowers

zafferana · 16/08/2020 20:13

70 is young to die these days OP, my condolences to you.

It used to be that 'three score years and ten' (i.e. 70) was a normal and decent human lifespan, back in the days before modern medicine and advanced treatments for things like cancer, but these days I think anyone who doesn't make 80 has a right to feel a bit cheated unless they've really squandered their health (and even if that's the case, I think their family have a right to feel cheated).

DoTheNextRightThing · 16/08/2020 20:16

When it's someone you love, it's always too young. But absolutely, in this day, 70 is no age. Unfortunately, we never know what's coming for anyone at any age.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 16/08/2020 20:18

I’m sorry for your loss. 💐

65 seems young, 70 not so much to me. But my nan died in her 50s so 70 sounds ‘old’. Regardless, you feel sad and telling someone they should have been expecting it sounds like you’re telling them they should be ok about it/minimising it so I think it’s a shitty thing to say. Even if someone has been ill for a long time and it is expected, you don’t really say they should have been expecting it.

7dayslater · 16/08/2020 20:21

It is young. Sorry for your loss OP.

Even 80 seems a little young.

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