To feel annoyed with OH re new baby

[Nicknamegoeshere]

So my little one is 11 weeks. She's my third baby, OH's first. I am an Attachment Parent so bedshare, contact nap, breastfeed etc.

At 9 (ish) pm I settle my 10 year-old and then have about an hour of TV with my eldest (13) and baby still with me. After that my OH has the baby for about ten or so minutes while I brush my teeth/get ready for bed. He then goes for a walk as he's got back problems.

He is normally in bed by around 11-11.30pm and sleeps solidly until around 8.30am.

I am in bed for around 22.30 ish but with baby next to me and she will feed every four hours or so (as she should), waking up more early morning - 7.30 / 8 am ish when I get up with her. I recognise this is in fact really good for a young baby and get by with not really having much deep sleep. He has never got up in the night to attend to baby.

OH is now complaining that he doesn't ever get an early night.

AIBU to think he he stop complaining and in fact he does well out of the two of us?

ok so just do it he doesnt get to decide what time you go to sleep

I don't need to google it.
And I've read all of your posts.
Your children are seriously suffering. And you chose to make matters worse.
Your ex is a grade a cunt. But that doesn't mean you're golden in this show.

What Anne said.

I agree that no one should ever complain to a mum of a newborn about being tired, but your bub is breastfed so how can he tend to her in the night? Yanbu though purely as you have a 3mo so you are allowed to be grumpy.

@Pittapitta Could be wrong, but think other dads might help with breastfed babies throughout the night in other ways or by offering to give expressed milk? I don't know any other mums though so not sure about this?

How much have you pumped so far?

Is this the poster who's obsessed with her ex's salary and wouldn't use savings to pay for her suicidal teenager to have therapy? And this new father is the one that wouldn't buy them fish and chips?

What do you want? Do you actually want him there? He's obviously got no intention of being a parent.
He wants to sleep all the time, he doesn't want the children in the house, he'll only hold the baby for 10 minutes and from the sound of it does FA for your older children, even before his operation.
He's just not going to be a good dad. He's too selfish. If you want to stay with him you'll have to accept you'll be bringing the children up alone. Really you should kick him out and tell him it's his problem where he goes.
I don't think you're going to do that, even though he has no good qualities from what I can tell so it's a case of bringing your children up on your own and ignoring his whining when possible.

Wow, not much sleep? Anyone would think he has a newborn or something!I'm not really sure what he was expecting!

Perhaps it's more the quality of sleep that's an issue, which could be down to stress? Having a back op, a newborn and on half pay is a stressful sitiation - do you think maybe he is misdirecting his frustration?

@ZoeTurtle

Is this the poster who's obsessed with her ex's salary and wouldn't use savings to pay for her suicidal teenager to have therapy? And this new father is the one that wouldn't buy them fish and chips?

Yes.

I don’t understand what your DH is complaining about OP. Surely he can go for a walk any time of the day and get to bed early?

My DH had back surgery when DS was 11 weeks old too funnily enough and couldn’t do much in terms of helping with baby for around 8 weeks after. Was also in too much pain for the first 11 weeks but once he had the surgery he was eager to help once he was given the all clear. And wouldn’t have had the nerve to complain about getting a full night’s sleep to me!

He's not a DH, he's her partner.

@ZoeTurtle This is the poster who son has had weekly/fortnightly therapy now for about 18 months (now discharged) and who can't buy a house because she's had to use all of her savings for court fees (court instigated by ex).

InDeoEstMeaFiducia Sigh. That poor baby with two feckless parents.

Nicknamegoeshere I guess I shouldn't be surprised your story has changed dramatically from the last time you told it. You were contradicting yourself every few minutes on your last thread.

@Nicknamegoeshere when I was breastfeeding my husband just slept through but when baby was bottle fed he would help. The way we do it (not saying it’s right or perfect) I do all the night stuff and then he gets up early with the kids and I sleep on. It works for us as both get rest and neither constantly exhausted.

@ZoeTurtle In what way?

@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

He's not a DH, he's her partner.

Please explain the relevance?

I'm not wasting any more breath on you - like someone said earlier, you thrive on the drama and don't actually want advice.

Other posters, please beware not all is as it seems here.

@ZoeTurtle Or maybe you can't give examples?

What the hell is going on in this thread??? What is the backstory I’m so confused. As for the actual question, what is it he actually wants you to do?? I don’t see how you could make life easier for him and he seems to be rejecting all your suggestions.

@Regularsizedrudy The question I was asking posting here is the AIBU one? I do think he would be better going to stop at his parents for a while but he refuses.

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

He's not a DH, he's her partner.

Please explain the relevance?[/quote]
Are you actually joking?

@Nicknamegoeshere

He's just had a back op so he says he has to have lots of recovery time and go to bed earlier. He's still not back at work. He says I hand him the baby a lot in the day.

Ap doesn't mean baby can never be put down though op. So surely baby doesn't need to be held 247 by a parent? If this is your take then, yes yabu.