Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel annoyed with OH re new baby

219 replies

Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 22:46

So my little one is 11 weeks. She's my third baby, OH's first. I am an Attachment Parent so bedshare, contact nap, breastfeed etc.

At 9 (ish) pm I settle my 10 year-old and then have about an hour of TV with my eldest (13) and baby still with me. After that my OH has the baby for about ten or so minutes while I brush my teeth/get ready for bed. He then goes for a walk as he's got back problems.

He is normally in bed by around 11-11.30pm and sleeps solidly until around 8.30am.

I am in bed for around 22.30 ish but with baby next to me and she will feed every four hours or so (as she should), waking up more early morning - 7.30 / 8 am ish when I get up with her. I recognise this is in fact really good for a young baby and get by with not really having much deep sleep. He has never got up in the night to attend to baby.

OH is now complaining that he doesn't ever get an early night.

AIBU to think he he stop complaining and in fact he does well out of the two of us?

OP posts:
SandieCheeks · 13/08/2020 23:43

He's complaining you hand him the baby a lot in the day?

He does realise she's his baby, doesn't he Confused

Sounds like he needs to spend more time with his baby, not less. I would start carving out some time for you, and to spend with your older children while he looks after the baby. And I mean an hour or two, not 10 minutes!

Since he never gets up in the night, he could get up with the baby in the morning and let you have a lie in until baby needs feeding again.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 13/08/2020 23:43

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing Because his sleep will be disturbed when I bring baby up later, especially if she cries.[/quote]
So what exactly does he want to happen? Ask him. What does he propose

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/08/2020 23:45

What's your living situation op? Who's house is it
It sounds like being a father isnt really for him sorry

Mintychoc1 · 13/08/2020 23:45

Hang on, why doesn’t he go for a walk while you’re watching TV with the 13 year old?

Annasgirl · 13/08/2020 23:45

Oh dear OP, I’m sorry but this is only the start. Can I ask, did you have a baby because he wanted a baby (only asking because you were long over the baby stage with your other two children).

I really think he won’t get better and you will end up doing 99% of the parenting of your baby. And he will demand that you centre him in your life always. He is acting like a teenager but he is 44 - unfortunately at his age he is not going to change. You need to see if you can put in place strategies to help you cope while realising he will not ever be the co-parent you were hoping for.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 23:46

@SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing Yes, very similar to my other two. Both never slept anywhere NEAR as well as this baby does. But he kind of sees it as "nornal" because he's known nothing else. I just don't see how I can get him to see how fortunate he is???

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 13/08/2020 23:46

Would he perhaps like to move out completely? I’d suggest that! Then he can sleep all day and all night

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2020 23:46

It’s a shame things aren’t going well for you. He’s got form for being a selfish arsehole. A lot of us told you to ditch him years ago when you first moved in with him and he was horrible about your older kids. He might not be as bad as your ex but you knew the deal and he’s been pretty useless for ages. Not sure you’ll listen to anyone though. Yet more unhappiness and drama, especially for all 3 of your children.

DelphiniumBlue · 13/08/2020 23:47

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@DelphiniumBlue He does go for his walk after baby and I have gone up around 10ish pm, but he is saying that is too late.[/quote]
I don't understand why he has to go for a walk after you have gone to bed.
And what does it matter if his sleep is disturbed when he's not even at work?
He is being precious.
He's moaning about his sleep, moaning about helping with the baby during the day, he'll moan whatever you do so you might as well do what you like, including going to bed when it suits you.

mathanxiety · 13/08/2020 23:47

Do you have a spare bedroom?

Or preferably a doghouse?

If I were you, I would go for the doghouse option.

LannieDuck · 13/08/2020 23:50

So he has the choice of going up to bed earlier and sleeping in the spare room so he's not disturbed... but just doesn't want to? So his 'lack' of sleep is entirely his choice.

I would also be inclined to suggest he does a couple of full overnights this weekend to help him understand how little sleep you're getting. And therefore how generous you're already being in facilitating his 9 hours.

mathanxiety · 13/08/2020 23:50

Especially if the doghouse is in the next town...

@Nicknamegoeshere, I remember your old posts too.
I don't know why you are so determined to make a silk purse out of this sow's ear of a man.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 23:52

@Annasgirl Oh I did want another baby too and she is a total dream! She is very easygoing, definitely much easier than I expected her to be having had two quite high maintenance kids in the past. What my concern is is that he doesn't seem to realise that having a baby would change his lifestyle. And she's so easygoing as I say!

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 13/08/2020 23:52

He'll be fine - ignore him.

Still the SIDS risk is high from having your little baby in bed with you - calling yourself an "attachment parent" doesn't negate the risk.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 23:53

@LannieDuck No chance of that! He's "too ill".

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 23:54

@underneaththeash Not here to argue that but you're incorrect. See Unicef guidelines.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 13/08/2020 23:57

@Guiltypleasures001 Renting jointly.

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 14/08/2020 00:03

He says I hand him the baby a lot in the day.

He has a limit to how much he can hold his baby during the day? I think he has some confusion about what parenting is. It usually involves holding your baby for a significant portion of time.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 00:03

@AnneLovesGilbert

It’s a shame things aren’t going well for you. He’s got form for being a selfish arsehole. A lot of us told you to ditch him years ago when you first moved in with him and he was horrible about your older kids. He might not be as bad as your ex but you knew the deal and he’s been pretty useless for ages. Not sure you’ll listen to anyone though. Yet more unhappiness and drama, especially for all 3 of your children.
Yep! This is my surprised face. You got your baby, never mind your other two with your selfish prick of a boyfriend and the baby with a selfish prick for a father. Guess that's all that matters! Keep whinging and making drama, seems to be your thing.
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 14/08/2020 00:04

@Smallsteps88 Yes but he has a bad back and just had an op so that's his reason.

OP posts:
SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 14/08/2020 00:04

@AnneLovesGilbert

It’s a shame things aren’t going well for you. He’s got form for being a selfish arsehole. A lot of us told you to ditch him years ago when you first moved in with him and he was horrible about your older kids. He might not be as bad as your ex but you knew the deal and he’s been pretty useless for ages. Not sure you’ll listen to anyone though. Yet more unhappiness and drama, especially for all 3 of your children.
Ah.. So this isn't new
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 14/08/2020 00:05

@InDeoEstMeaFiducia Thank you. Really helpful xxxxx

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2020 00:07

Many many many a thread... And that’s obviously fine. But drama is a major understatement and it won’t be long before OP mentions how much her ex earns. Appears on every thread.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 14/08/2020 00:07

Thanks all. I'm best off doing away with myself I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 14/08/2020 00:07

Sorry x

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread