Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

For anyone saying yabu what do you think I should leave off the list? This is my first baby so I'm really not sure where I'm going wrong

What does he think the money should go on?

The list doesn’t seem OTT at all.

Why isn’t he providing more of the things you need; rather than relying on his family?

It isnt excessive at all. But if you want to cut down, I'd consider the following -

You can use any old rucksack for a changing bag. I got given a pacapod but for my second child used a normal rucksack as comfier.

If your baby has eczema I woukdnt use any hair or body wash. They don't get sweaty or dirty really, using water is fine when they're little so you could get rid of the wash or just get one in case it irritates their skin. I'd also get a decent moisturiser to prevent dry skin

Not sure what's in your home safety kit, don't bother with those prongs for sockets, they don't make it safer. Also your baby might not crawl for months so you could always leave that for another time

I'd also look on facebook marketplace for clothing bundles, and equipment that is easy to clean like a bath or cot etc, there are some really good bargains and a quick wipe down with anti bac and they're as good as new.

How much is your breast pump? Most people I know got one and then didnt use it really. I'd get one second hand, or from a breastfeeding group (they're all sterilised). Second time I used one for a tenner - the suction silicone ones (hakka maybe?) for a tenner and so did my friends and we all got much more milk out of them than the electric ones

Lastly might be worth starting with just the one swaddle as some babies like them and some don't, or getting second hand and washing on a high heat

Good luck with the baby

That looks like a fairly standard list to me; not OTT at all.

Ah, I really feel for you. That is a difficult situation. I bought all that and a lot more when I was pregnant and it was part of nesting/preparing for a huge change! I would want to choose my own stuff too, at least for some things.

Some of the things on your list you might be able to get a bit later if that would make things easier. You won’t need many books day one (nice to have one or two though) and you might not need home safety stuff until babe is on the move, depending on your house.

Plus some stuff you won’t know if you will need like a pump or bottles or the spray. But you should get nipple pad things.

I think your boyfriend needs to be a bit kinder - it’s not a status thing and he is wrong to suggest it is. My husband freaked out about all the stuff but we used it all and he acknowledged how helpful it all was when baby had been home for a few weeks!

You need more towels immediately though!

Thank you, that's some pretty good advice. I didn't actually know about the baby wash and swaddles. I thought the same about the plug socket covers but partner thought otherwise. I was considering a hakka but was worried it might not work as well as an electric one, might make the switch as the one I picked was much pricier.

Not over the top at all. But...
You don't need a hooded baby towel a normal towel will do fine. If I remember correctly you get a hooded baby one free in one of the bounty packs too.
Baby home safety sets I have seen aren't very good. They have socket covers in which are dangerous. Other things that are in there like the thing that goes over a door to stop jamming fingers, I got given for free at baby clinic.
You don't need swaddles and midwives actually advise not to use them. If you do want to swaddle you can do so with a normal baby blanket or even a Muslin and then they'll last longer.
I just bought suits with the mittens built in.
Breast pump is not essential. A good thing to get is a naturebond type silicone pump. It costs less than £10 and kind of sucks on your other boob and collects any leakage. You'll be surprised how much you'll get.
Don't need bottles if breastfeeding and if you do want to express I wouldn't buy 3 of the same type of bottle until you find one baby will take.

You don't have on the list that you have a bouncy chair so that might be something you do want to get?

If the safety set is socket covers and things I’d leave that in the basket as they are not safe.
An underarm digital thermometer, mine was £3.99 from the local chemist essential for those moments when you’ve an ill baby and need to decide if you need to call 111 or if it’s a wait until morning and phone the gp.
I’ve never used mittens but I’ve got loads of maternity pads
It might be worth looking on the boots website and joining their parenting club as with the points it’s cheaper than amazon. Asda and other supermarkets also have cheaper products. Asda nursing bras are really good.

I don't think you are buying too much although there are a few items I would double check / reconsider:

• mittens. A lot of babygros have integrated mittens or you might get a gift set which includes them. So maybe not needed? Same for baby hats - you don't need loads. Perhaps will be included as part of gift sets you get.
• baby socks - do the babygros already bought have "feet"? If so you won't really need baby socks too.
• baby home safety set - is that for ensuring cupboard doors etc stay closed? I'd buy that when the baby is older if so. A newborn won't be crawling about and getting into cupboards so you don't need to babyproof the house yet.
• baby hair wash etc - best to wash a newborn with just water. If you are on a budget pick up some when you actually need it from a supermarket. 1 bottle should last a long time anyway - you don't need to use loads.
• changing bag - I would just use an existing rucksack if you have one and get yourself a fold up changing mat to go inside. Fancy changing bags aren't necessary - I ended up using something else.
• breast pump - I borrowed from a family member so perhaps this is an option? Or buy second-hand? It's used for such a short period of time in most cases!
• books for baby - nice to have but not necessary for a newborn. It's a nice thing to ask for too if people ask you what presents you like, as not too expensive for people to buy. You can borrow from the library too or buy very cheaply off Facebook / nearly new sales.
• baby wipes - if you want a money saving tip I recommend you just buy a few packs of disposable wipes and invest in reusable wipes (e.g. from Cheeky Wipes). Has saved us so much money! We never buy disposable wipes

I know buying secondhand / going to libraries etc won't help you spend the £500 voucher but maybe best to keep some of the voucher aside (if that's possible) to cover other purchases you may need to make in the future.

Also my baby hates hooded towels so I just bulked up on normal ones!

Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he’s being particularly realistic or nice but things I’d question you need, especially if money is tight:

-Hooded towel - a regular one is likely to be cheaper and you can still wrap baby in it
-Home safety set - what is this? If it’s baby proofing items then you won’t need it for months so don’t bother yet and do your research about what you need e.g. plug socket covers are no longer recommended in the UK
-Socks and mittens - not the easiest thing to keep on a newborn, the sleepsuits with them built in are a million times better
-Multiples of body/hair wash - get 1 in case of allergies, buy more when needed
-Pumping stuff/bottles - if you’re planning to EBF then I’d leave this unless you’re 110% certain you’ll use it

-Changing bag - personally I prefer a rucksack plus a cheap folding mat with pockets for wipes/nappies
-Books aren’t really necessary for a newborn, maybe just get one or two to start off

It sounds like a standard list tbh.
I would add a pack of muslin cloths for when baby regurgitates.
I’m intrigued as to how you know that your baby will have eczema.
If so, you’ll need a colloidal cleansing system like Aveeno.

Nothing sounds unreasonable to me. A few things might turn out to be unnecessary - I couldn't use a breast pump for example - but for women that can use them it's very handy to have ready.
Generally new babies dont need much, lots f changes of clothes and nappies, I found lots of muslin clothes handy but I got loads of them as gifts.
I hope your BF is prepared for how expensive children get tho

I’ve just bought a Lansinoh silicone pump. Because it was cheaper than the Hakka and included a lid. I get more out of that than the electric pump which is on the other side. Your community midwives should be able to lend you a pump if you need one for a couple of weeks.
Boots parenting club is currently giving a free mam bottle. My ds liked mam bottles but dd likes the cheapo boots ones

Honestly you need very little if breastfeeding

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby-not needed
Baby home safety set -not. Needs until walking
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles -what is this?
Multipack of mittens- need 2 pairs max ondvof mine needed zero
Maternity pads-need loads
Bottom spray for healing after birth- what is this? Not needed sit in a bath?
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit- need to be measured so don’t buy on amazon
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash- - bottle lasts months
Tea towels-why?
Wash cloths-why?
Baby health care kit- what is this?
Changing bag with mat-used a bag we had with a small towel
3 Baby bottles- wAit and see if breastfeeding
Bulk box of baby wipes-good idea
Breast pump- breastfed for 18 months and never needed
3 Baby hats ok
Nipple cream - Maybe never used personally wait and see
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in - ok
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas Ok
Set of books for baby _ not before 6 months

We weren’t hard up, but we still bought a lot of things second hand which were in great condition, we also set money aside for things that we might have needed. Eg we wanted a perfect prep machine if we couldn’t breastfeed so we held that money back just incase, rather than buy something we didn’t need. If I were you I would do similar with a breast pump, or get one second hand. Also once you’ve had baby make sure you join the library, children’s centre, church groups etc. All of which are usually free and offer lots of different toys to play with so you don’t have to buy loads.

I found it odd that you were saying that you’d bought things or your partner hadn’t etc. Why aren’t you buying things together for the baby?

I wouldn’t say you’re going over the top... but it does sound like money is tight so you should be careful not to waste any of it.

I don’t know why you’re buying tea towels?

And I don’t even know what “bottom spray for healing after birth” is?! If you have a tear, keep the area clean and give yourself lots of air.

Things like baby health care kit are probably over priced collections of things you mostly don’t need, packaged up as a kit to get your money.

Changing bags - any bag will do.

Books... much cheaper from a charity shop probably.

I expect he thinks things like the hooded towel are for “rich parents”. I get what he’s saying... they’re cute, but if you’re on UC and qualifying for a grant, a regular towel will do. Please don’t take that to mean I don’t think you should spend extra on something just because it’s cute - of course you’ll want to, it’s your baby! But on your income, you’ll need to limit those items.

Baby items are so cheap secondhand, do shop around!

Flannels are much much cheaper than Cheeky Wipes and do the same job. 25p from Wilko - just wet with water and put in the washing machine with your normal wash (after rinsing poo off down the loo obv.)

Oh, and I didnt have much use for socks and mittens because both mine wore baby grows and they tend to have integral feet and scratch mits. But my friends babies used socks and mittens so that's not necessarily a daft (or in anyway extravagant) purchase either

Good luck btw, enjoy your lovely baby.

Another than breastfed for ages and never used a pump. I wouldn’t buy anything like that until at the very earliest 38 weeks, so you’re within the return time! But for a pump, you’ll spend the first weeks establishing supply - unlikely to pump even if you later go on to pump.

I think all those items are fine. I'd also look for a cot as some babies outgrow their moses baskets super quick. I found grow bags useful for baby to sleep in. Sheets for cot. Bottles and steraliser just incase. Perhaps a ring sling. Lasinoh cream. Washable breast pads

You don’t have pyjamas and only one towel in your house?

Its so tricky OP . I’m a first time mum too and all the stuff is so overwhelming ! I don’t thin in your list is over the top but as others have suggested you could cut back if you need to.

Bloody maternity bras ! I’ve tried so many and struggle especially with lockdown and can’t try them on . Try eBay for second hand often people use them for so little time or don’t get on with a certain style .

Try local Facebook groups and mum swaps meet ups . I think there is a support network out there and hand me downs for the early years is very common . I’ve been gifted things that I will hand on to someone else.

Thank for the advice everyone. My main reason for getting the things that arnt really needed until later is because in the past bf has made irresponsible decisions with finances that have made things quite difficult for us. On top of that he frequently says we don't need to buy things like towels, mops, maternity clothes ect. This usually ends up with me struggling somehow because we need said thing and don't have it. Definitely gonna get a hakka. Wanted to buy reusable nappies and wipes but bf said it was gross and that I would be the only one using and cleaning them. The safety set contains corner protectors, cupboard locks and those plug socket things which I now will not get