Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

You need to get stuff for yourself by the sounds of it! Don't listen to him, what does he want to spend the money on? It can't hurt to have some bottles and a steriliser and tablets there just in case. You could even pick up a couple of bottles of ready made formula milk (just in case) and if you don't use them I'm sure you could give them away.
Seriously though you need to get some comfy clothes and definitely more towels as you will be bleeding heavily. What about washing powder and softener etc? Get non bio for the baby's clothes. Regarding maternity pads as well, i found them so bulky and uncomfortable, i wish I'd though of buying some incontinence pull up pants as they are designed to be more discreet but hold large amounts of urine. Look after yourself

Why are you so set on a breast pump?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say your boyfriend doesn’t sound like the type to be feeding with expressed milk to give you a break...
Pumping is a faff. If you can get breastfeeding established, why not just feed on demand?
If you want to pump later and actually have reason to - get the pump then.

One thing I wouldn't scrimp on is the changing bag - it's nice to have a nice new bag that looks good - you'll be carrying it everywhere! And that can fit over the pram handle. None of it looks excessive, is he normally this edgy about money??

Defo get the haaka. I got so much just by having it on my second boob when she was feeding. Agree with pp, I never used mittens and rarely socks at that age. Towels as others have said get plenty of plain rather than one hooded.

Have you got baby medicines etc? Might be worth getting a bit. And you won't be able to use them straight away but if you want to get ahead of yourself get some sleeping bags of various togs. Much more useful than blankets.

We got a few bottles free in goodie bags at two baby fairs we went to and that's all we needed as we were breastfeeding 95% of the time.

Good luck, and don't let your bf ruin this time by not letting you get what you need. Make sure you get a few little things as well just because they are cute. You don't need to spend a lot but you only get this time once.

Tea towels were recommended as a cheaper alternative to Muslins online. As for swaddles and I could be terribly wrong on this but I was concerned that a sleeping bag would be too big for a newborn and that he'd get his arms all stuck somehow. Is a sleeping bag a better option? The baby health care kit seemed like a good price for what it was thermometer, snot sucker, nail clippers, nail file, hair brush, scissors that sort of stuff. Perhaps I'll only get one bottle, no pump and a hakka and backpack.

@AlwaysLatte

One thing I wouldn't scrimp on is the changing bag - it's nice to have a nice new bag that looks good - you'll be carrying it everywhere! And that can fit over the pram handle. None of it looks excessive, is he normally this edgy about money??

It being nice to have a new bag may be a luxury that OP can’t afford.

I could have afforded one, but I honestly never saw the point... possibly because when mine was born, there seemed to be a thing for them to say, “yummy mummy” under a cupcake, which made me 🤮 🤣

Honestly OP, don’t be seduced into thinking you neeeeeeed a dedicated “changing bag.” A bag is a bag is a bag!

OP you will make sure this money is spent on things you need for your baby. He can have an opinion and you can work through things together but you are likely to be the primary care giver and will know what you need for you and your baby . Take the advice and be as frugal as possible but make sure you are not pressured to spend the money on other things or made to feel guilty about spending it . It’s there for you and baby.

The reusables do seem expensive and I’m debating the outlay for them too. The nappies apparently don’t last past 6 months. But I’m no expert! Try and avoid premium pranks like pampers and go for lidl as I’ve hear they’re great and affordable.

Join every baby club you can eg tesco, boots, morrisons amd tend to end up with lots of bits free along the way too. We had a free changing bag, lots of small packs of wipes, cloths, sudocrem etc. You also don't know how you and baby will manage.....was desperate to breastfeed but dc continued to lose too much wait so had to go onto bottles. Had to then buy steriliser and bottles etc but luckily hadn't bought a pump. Stuff I found useful was getting supplies of bonjela, sudocrem or that yellow version(!) Calpol, thermometer as when you needed them, you didn't want to be waiting or chasing around

The baby healthcare kit:

• thermometer: yes, get one. But you may find an easier to use one than is in the kit?
• snot sucker: never used it
• nail clippers /file: babies have adorably soft nails that you can nibble down if you need to do it for free! Or use an adult nail file
• scissors: what for?

Most of the stuff that comes in kits is just clutter. It’s so quick to get stuff from Amazon these days, that you can wait until you actually need it.

Tea towels were recommended as a cheaper alternative to Muslins online.

Pillowcases are handy too if you run out of clean Muslims and have some pillowcases spare.

Also, fwiw OP I think you need to be squirrelling away some money bit by bit for emergencies that your boyfriend doesn’t know about. I’m sorry to say it but he doesn’t sound at all supportive or dependable and tbh, he sounds like he doesn’t want you to buy things so he has the money for himself for his irresponsible financial decisions. You need to prepare for the time when he does that again only this time you will have a baby to feed and buy nappies for so you need to have some money you can access if you need it.

Don’t need the bag . Money is tight just use one you already have . I’m expecting to be home a lot for the first few months anyway and then I’ll use my normal backpack ...

I have been eyeing up some very fancy ones but is it essential .. no. It’s on the daydreaming list which I might get later

@Purpleheadgirl reminded me how good sudocrem was! A little goes a loooooooong way though.

muslins! Sorry!

More maternity pads (I was bleeding for 4 weeks)
Mittens - max 2 pairs
Get some muslin cloths, really handy for all sorts of things.
I’d get some more towels if you’ve only got 1.
If you can breast feed, then great, but if you can’t then steriliser and more bottles, but wait until you definitely need this.
Changing bag- yes you don’t need a special one but if you haven’t got a decent bag/rucksack then you can get them quite cheaply.
Underwear for hospital - I got some cheap knickers in Tesco. Get at least a pack of 5 if you’ve no undies to fit the maternity pads.

I know it's probably unhelpful to suggest another thing to buy, but a stretchy sling for the baby (Moby Wrap or Close Cabo) is well worth the money. You can get cheap versions on Amazon which work just as well.

Muslins are much softer than tea towels, so I would still go with those... but I’d look on eBay for a second hand bundle.

I would be looking at having that baby and looking for a secure job as soon as you can manage it, I think you BF is going to prove to be tight with money and you might have to stand on your own financially.

It's difficult to know what to buy for your first baby. Baby equipment suppliers know this and will try to get you to buy as much as possible!

1st baby I bought loads
3rd baby I bought a pack of nappies, baby grows and vests from asda. The only equipment from previous babies that I kept was a sling, the buggy and a couple of cardigans/hats.

OP sent you a pm

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house- necessary
Hooded bath towel for baby- necessary Baby home safety set- what is in this (I would probably drop this off the list as it's not necessary yet.
5 pairs baby socks- you can never have too many
Swaddles - necessary
Multipack of mittens- TOTALLY unnecessary (they never stay on imo)
Maternity pads- very necessary
Bottom spray for healing after birth- I never heard of this or used it so for me unnecessary
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit- necessary
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash- 1 bottle would be enough until you find out what you like and what suits baby's skin.
Tea towels- if you need them
Wash cloths- why not
Baby health care kit- what does this include??
Changing bag with mat- necessary
3 Baby bottles- again only 1 until you find the brand that suits baby.
Bulk box of baby wipes- again I wouldn't bother as you might not like that particular brand (I loved pampers, my friend loved Huggies!)
Breast pump- if you want/need to pump then ok
3 Baby hats- 2 would be fine
Nipple cream- YES!!

Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in - YES
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas- YES
Set of books for baby- if you want but not necessary just yet.

Please PM me your address I have stuff I can send you! I have a Hakka and I have lots of spare bottles,bibs etc.

And definitely use the grant money for the baby stuff.
You do not need your partner to approve everything. You have a mind of your own!

Where I live you can loan hospital grade pumps through your health visitor.

A sling is a must have!

Muslins are SO good and useful for so many things, especially when feeding. The extra large ones can be used for swaddling if you choose to do so.
It might be worth looking at the aldi baby event as things are so much cheaper than on amazon or in many of the shops.

Other things you may want to consider-
A baby monitor
A decent in the ear thermometer - aldi and Lidl sell them. The underarm ones are tricky for use with wiggly babies and toddlers
Baby nail clippers/file/ hair brush
Loose fitting clothes for you post birth, leggings, underwear, easy clothes for if you choose to breastfeed
Towels and flannels
A decent padded changing mat
If bottle feeding a steriliser and at least 4 bottles and a bottle brush

Also in terms of slings, see if there is a sling club/library near you.you can borrow ones for different stages and try them out!