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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

181 replies

Smeghead97 · 11/08/2020 21:42

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

OP posts:

Irre247 · 12/08/2020 08:24

I use disposable nappies (Aldi) but washable wipes- the Grovia ones are the best I have found. I have a set in one colour for bums and a different colour for hands & faces. They live, dry in a plastic tub by the sink and I wet them before use, then chuck them straight in the washing machine and do my washing as normal when it needs doing.

I have a set of close ones in the changing bag but if I’m not near a tap I have a pack of disposables in the bag too. I don’t bother with the “wet box” idea that places like cheeky wipes sell you for a fortune.

I think in total I have spent about £35 on reusables and about £3 on disposables. Baby is 9mo but I can’t see me needing to buy any more reusables so have saved an absolute fortune. Good cloth wipes are also significantly better than disposables, you can use loads with a particularly messy poo that would only need 1/2 reusables.

I didn’t like tots bots wipes, the close ones are ok but grovia by far and away the best.

HOkieCOkie · 12/08/2020 08:26

@Badabingbadabum I worked for lockdown no furlough for me. Honestly the benefit system is designed to get ppl help whilst looking for work. Not to spend 3/500 quid on baby stuff. Anyway I’m leaving the thread now as I’m sure my opinion isn’t wanted.

Mollymarvelous70 · 12/08/2020 08:27

@scatteredstars that is quite rude and potentially very hurtful to a young woman who is in the situations she’s in doing the best she can . What good does it do now. People have babies in all sorts of circumstances less than ideal financial or otherwise . The issues of disadvantage and uk poverty are systemic problems and not about pointing fingers at individuals and their circumstances.

HOkieCOkie · 12/08/2020 08:28

@HopelessSemantics Lol a bit thick? Why because you don’t like what I’ve written? Of course I’m a bit thick then. Lol 😂 ppl on here are hilarious.

scatteredstars · 12/08/2020 08:31

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scatteredstars · 12/08/2020 08:32

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scatteredstars · 12/08/2020 08:32

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TheLette · 12/08/2020 08:34

One other thing that you might find useful - there is a Facebook group called Scottish Baby Box recycle (or something like that). In Scotland new mums get given a load of stuff for free and anyone who doesn't want it lists it for postage cost only on this group. The offers aren't very frequent but might help you save some money.

RedHelenB · 12/08/2020 08:35

Get the hooded towels, babies look so cute in them and I'm still using mine 20 years later for bathing the dog!

Streamingbannersofdawn · 12/08/2020 08:35

I assume you are spending the grant so I'm not sure why he is so against it.

Personally I wished I had bought more baby-grows, sheets and muslin cloths. My baby was very sicky!

Also it was a great mystery in our house how one tiny new addition could use quite so many towels up.

Enjoy your baby.

HopelessSemantics · 12/08/2020 08:36

@HOkieCOkie because she didn't ask for your opinion on her life. She asked if her list was suitable.

Let me guess, you're all Billy Big Balls on here but wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life.

Mollymarvelous70 · 12/08/2020 08:36

@HOkieCOkie looking down on people with benefits when you have no knowledge of their circumstances is quite unpleasant and should be reserved for the comments in the daily mail where the rest of us can avoid them.

Who knows what’s around the corner for all of us.

JanewaysBun · 12/08/2020 08:36

're wipes just be aware that you don't know what sort will suit your baby. Water wipes are touted as the best but DS Had an awful rash with them and I ended up using cotton wool but he was 1. I would get a packet or 2 for pit and about and use cotton wool.if money is tight (It's not messy or anything).

Another vote for FB market place, I'm giving away some bottles atm and I've also given away stuff like a playpen/nappies/clothes as they are just clogging up my flat!

Ellmau · 12/08/2020 08:41

It sounds to me as though you and bf are both quite young, and he is rather naive about the realities of parenthood/perhaps a little immature. (You sound like a responsible and loving mum btw - good luck with baby).

Thecobwebsarewinning · 12/08/2020 08:44

Am I the only mum who never used up all the free sudocreme I got in various freebie packs? When D.C. we’re all at school I reluctantly binned the last couple of tubs.

Am I also the only mum who never used muslins? Both D.C. were breast fed and didn’t burp much at all. They did the occasional projectile vomit that would have engulfed a muslin (or even a beach towel) but they didn’t need winding so no big milky burps. I had a couple of muslins a friend gave me because she couldn’t envisage raising a child without them but I’ve only ever used them for straining homemade yogurt.

Splash out on the best breast pump you can afford. And the little bags to freeze the excess milk in.

hedgehogger1 · 12/08/2020 08:45

Do not use socket covers. You don't need them if you're in the uk and they make sockets less safe

CambsAlways · 12/08/2020 08:50

It doesn’t seem OTT to me, but why is your BF not providing some things for his baby?

Kaiserin · 12/08/2020 08:50

Don't bother with baby socks, they always lose them. Also save a bit of money for later, you will be buying nappies/baby food/new clothes for quite a while.

You are quite correct to buy things for yourself too (e.g. maternity pads). But consider you may not need bras (I always found they were in the way for nursing, and your boobs size changes too much between feeds).

I'd suggest going through your list again, and ask yourself "if I don't buy this, what would happen" (some are more essential than other)
And realise, that you will have forgotten/not anticipated certain essential purchases. Keep a bit of money for these (for when the need becomes obvious)

smartiecake · 12/08/2020 08:58

I was also coming on to say sheets for the moses basket/cot and muslins. Mine were breast fed but were always bringing up milk. I used to lie a muslin cloth under their head/shoulders on top of the sheet and would change those multiple times a day.
Also some sort of chair/bouncer chair so that you can put the baby down and use the loo or washing machine. Mine didn't like being laid down in the moses basket

NoGinNotComingIn · 12/08/2020 09:00

The only things I wouldn’t get before the baby arrives is the breast pump, the hooded towel, baby mittens and safety pack. My friend spent a lot of money on an expensive breast pump and ended up using it once as she couldn’t breastfeed. Hooded towels aren’t necessary just use a big bath towel. I was told not to use mittens by a health visitor (she took the babies hands out those fold over baby grows!), babies like to use their hands to self sooth, just keep their nails short. I wouldn’t bother with the home safety set either, the plug covers are actually dangerous (they can be pulled out and put in upside down making the 2 plug sockets live, the top prong opens the safety mechanism on the plug, really bad). You don’t need to think about baby proofing until your baby is mobile anyway just buy some gates and cupboard locks for the kitchen once the baby is 6 months old or so.

Everything else you will probably use, although I never bothered with the spray for your bits, I didn’t know it was a thing and you can’t use it on open wounds anyway. Your list isn’t excessive though.

DonLewis · 12/08/2020 09:00

Haven't rtft but you need a baby thermometer

NoGinNotComingIn · 12/08/2020 09:03

I never bothered with socks for newborns as they can just wear baby grows and maybe buy a couple of different brands of wipes to make sure they are ok before forking out on a big box. Just things to maybe save a bit of ££.

Jellybeansincognito · 12/08/2020 09:05

Op,
Please look after yourself.

You’re due a baby, and he isn’t supporting you already.

Mumoftwo1994 · 12/08/2020 09:15

@Smeghead97

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Am i seriously going over the top??

Ignore him and get what you need/want.

You've got a very reasonable list, and my babies got baby eczema so just using water to wash them for awhile is totally fine because they've got their natural skin oils. We've started using burts bees to wash them but that's because my DP's mum bought it us.

mamas12 · 12/08/2020 09:16

The maternity grant is for you as the mother to spend on things that would make your life and life of baby easier/better
Buy the maternity wear for yourself you will need those bras and things
This really time to think about you as a mother and your baby
Your bf can help by being supportive and poss get the things he thinks would be useful

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