Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

Another one that had the lansinoh silicon pump here - used to get about a bottle a time and for much less effort than an electric pump.
Get lansinoh nipple cream and apply religiously
Breast pads - lansinoh ones are great
I used swaddles until baby was big enough to go into sleeping bags then used those
Olly the owl / bennie the bear - have worked with both babies
A baby carrier has been so useful

Facebook groups and other mums will help. Most of that I got second hand and for far less than £340! eBay and Facebook are great

First off if you think the baby will have eczema the best thing to do is put off washing for as long as possible as the midwives will tell you in hospital, wash the baby as infrequently as possible and only use a very mild soap on the rare occasions it might be needed (we used Dr Bronners baby soap). A bottle of grapeseed oil is all that is needed for moisturising/baby massage if you want to.

The only thing you could reconsider are

'baby home safety set' as I presume this is stuff for when the baby is older and mobile and you don't need it yet?
tea towels - why?
Washcloths - why? Could you just get some muslins or reusable wipes?
Breast pump - don't get anything expensive yet, Hakka is fine. You can hire hospital grade if you need to at the very beginning and it will be with you in a day or two, or wait until they are 6-12 weeks when your milk supply is established and take some time thinking about what you really need, and if you need one at all.

Otherwise no, you are not being unreasonable. I used everything you have on your list with my baby, though I would point out that a lot of the clothes and pads, creams, bottles etc are cheaper at big supermarkets and would check prices there.

I think you are being organised and your list is great. You’re boyfriend is right in the fact that people do buy lots of things that aren’t needed but what you have got together looks great - good on you! Plus getting ready for the baby is part of the fun and makes it even more real

You've had fab advice so just wanted to say good luck.
If you want to use reusable nappies these can be picked up second hand on Facebook selling sites, or search for UK nappy network to find a nappy lending library. Someone upthread said these only last until 6 months - that's completely untrue, they last until potty trained. So a huge saving.
Same with slings, you can pick up second hand stretchy wraps for a tenner. Or find your local sling library - ours does free stretchy wrap hire.
Finally, Aldi muslins are really soft and cheap!

I don't think Amazon is always the best place to shop for baby stuff. The supermarkets usually have great deals and their own brand stuff is usually better than the branded things imo, so while it's a pain it's usually better to shop around. I'd look forward as well if money's tight - so what will baby need in 4-6 months time as well - have you got clothes to stash away? We're not on a budget but I pick up loads of toys and books in charity shops, get clothes on eBay, use Facebook marketplace for bigger items, all ways to cut down on costs.

Yes to loads of maternity pads and massive knickers!

Not OTT list🙂. Hope all goes well for little ones arrival.
I would echo pp about the baby wash/shampoo if worried about eczema. Water and cotton wool when newborn and latterly I found oliatum in water and only washing baby every other day worked ( cannot remember if health visitor/doctor/midwife advised -but worked well). Cotton wool and water after nappy change and E45 cream only. Do not know if time helped or this very neutral routine but DC have no eczema now .
I would make sure you have nappy sacks ( if not using reusable nappies). Make sure you have a way to sterilise bottles/pump. What is in the baby health care kit ? Maybe just need: thermometer , baby toe nail clippers, baby Calpol (or equivalent), scratch mits, teething toy that can be cooled. Ditto safety kit (just ensure anything that may fall over if climbed on is secure, cupboard locks are really useful, sharp edges are padded, stair gates when older to deal off areas. A bath and room thermometer is really useful( esp. if you get your cot/crib bed linen where it says on the packaging how many layers of sheets/blankets are required at a given room temperature).

Get a few normal towels, socks don’t stay on small babies- buy baby grows with feet, witch hazel instead of special bottom spray as you can keep it and use it for things too, sod mittens but if you’re having a winter baby check that you’ve got a snow suit from the relatives (and these are worth buying in the correct size so you might need a couple to take you through to April), if you’re going to breast feed for more than a few weeks I’d get a few more bras and some reusable pads but wait until you’ve gotten into the swing of it so you know what kind of bra size and shape bra you’ll need, some baby wipes can cause rashes on some babies- careful buying loads before baby’s born, if you’re keen to breast feed I’d not get the bottles and pump now, changing bag can be nice but not necessary, lots of people don’t use nipple cream- I’d wait and see, I think that nhs doesn’t recommend soap for small babies, pyjamas with button down fronts and comfy pants will be a great investment, babies don’t care about books and you get a free one in the bounty packs but I’d probably want to get a couple just because it’s your first baby and it’s nice to have a gift for baby from you. Reusable nappies: you can get ones second hand. There are ones available that last until they’re out of nappies. It does work out cheaper over all but it’s extra work and you need to dry them as well as wash them. Hope that helps, sorry it’s hard work doing this with your partner.

Can you spend the voucher anywhere you like OP, or only all at once/at certain places? Because obviously that has a bearing on how you spend it - if you can spend it anywhere you can pick up nappies and things on special offer as you go, but if that's going to be a hassle I completely see the point of just getting a big pile in.

Please get yourself two towels though, and a couple of nighties. Your boyfriend isn't being very helpful, is he? How is he otherwise?

It sounds like the crux of the issue is that he's selfish and would rather the money be spent on him.

Oh yeah: a sling. I like the ergo ones, you need to buy an insert to use them from birth but they last until 3 years and can go on your back and front. eBay is good for this.

And on the skin - if your baby does have eczema you can get prescription baby wash and lotions via your GP rather than having to buy it. I spent a fortune on every "skin friendly" product in the baby aisle and still ended up in the doctors with DD.

Looking through your list and just to add a few points :

• baby socks - you don't need them for the first few months as baby gros have feet and in my case my DD just took them off her feet until she was walking. I ended up putting her in tights in winter. (Boys can wear tights as well.)
• mittens - not all babies scratch themselves but if you want to buy something to cover baby's hands check whether buying socks are cheaper.
• tea towel - muslins dry quicker and somewhere like Aldi/Lidl/Asda/Boots sell basic ones cheaply.
• 3 baby hats - you only need one. You are only advised to put on a hat until you get them home. My DD was actually given knitted ones from the hospital.
• books - don't buy any.

Tell your HV that you are short of money as there are charities that give out new books and second hand babies clothes which includes socks and tights but not vests. Most charities actually have too many good condition baby clothes for under 1 year olds.

Also tell everyone you can what other stuff you need. I have got stuff given to me from friends, neighbours and a collegue simply because if people aren't having anymore children they are happy to pass on good conditioned stuff.

I would say about half this list is unnecessary.
Bath towel for baby, home safety set, swaddles, mittens, healing spray, body wash, tea towels, change bag, hats, and books.
In my area the health visiting team give you a pack of 5 free books if that is of any use.
I would save the money on some or all of the items above and put it towards expensive things you will need later down the line like a highchair or next size car seat.

Sling was really handy
I would also suggest some rubbing alcohol. Beautiful and lovely as your child will no doubt be, oneday they will find that biro you have locked away and write all over the settee. You have about an hour to soak it off before it sets in. Rubbing alcohol is just the thing.
Not an essential but oneday you will thank me

Lots of those things aren’t necessary, OP. See how you get on with BF before buying either a pump, bottles or nipple cream, and I wouldn’t buy a sling before having the baby to be able to try several on before buying. I know they we’re given to you, not bought by you, but I never had a travel system, baby bath, or nursing chair. My expensive and beautiful changing bag was hardly ever used, I used an old rucksack which was lighter and had the right kind of subdivisions. I would skip the home safety kit, home health kit and swaddles. You don’t need to bulk buy things in advance and probably shouldn’t until you have your baby — for instance, if she has eczema, baby wipes might not be suitable, or only some types, ditto body wash.

Do definitely get yourself towels, underwear, nightwear and comfortable clothes for after the birth — yoga trousers were a godsend after a CS.

And I agree that supermarkets are often a cheaper way to buy things.

Oh I've just remembered. One of the baby clubs give you a free changing bag when you join. Think it's either boots or Argos. This was the case when I had my youngest anyway but he's 2 now so they may have stopped it.

As others have said I would not buy socks or mittens - baby gros have integral kits and feet. Mittens do not stay on.

A thermometer is really helpful.
Normal towels or hooded fine for a baby.
A changing mat to put on the floor is useful.

Sign up for all free baby clubs - I got my baby bag and a small mat free from Boots, tubs of sudo creme etc that kept me going throughout babyhood.

A bottle of baby calpol or chemist own version is useful - not to be used in first few months, but when old enough.

I got brand new washable nappies off eBay plus my council offered a £25 voucher if you spent £50 on washable, and had receipts - that included 2nd hand ones bought. Worth checking what your area does.

Congatulations on your pregnancy! If you want to cut down, I would forego the socks and mittens. My baby lived in babygros, so no need for either. Often the cuffs on babygros will fold over as mittens. We were given a hooded towel as a gift, but it wasn't really an essential. A normal towel was fine. Not sure about tea towels or bottom spray?! There are often loads of great baby things on Ebay or selling sites in excellent condition. I would definitely stock up on muslins and maybe invest in a baby monitor and a play mat. Wishing you the best of luck!

Oh I used terry towelling nappies as Muslims as my baby had awful reflux. You may find you get muslins as gifts.

@violetbunny

It sounds like the crux of the issue is that he's selfish and would rather the money be spent on him.

^this

I’ve got 3 cotton nighties and 3 pairs of pjs sitting in a cupboard unworn. Would you like them?*

*I don’t care if you’re faaaake before anyone warns me, I just want to get rid of them.

All good, OP, the list is great. My husband didn’t want me to buy anything either!

Op please treat yourself to some nice towels and toiletries. Even if cheap you sound like you live with very little. A new mum needs to have a nice bath after the birth. Nothing in your list is over the tip but if you are very skint I really suggest ebay.

You can get bundles of barely worn beautiful baby stuff on ebay very cheap.

Remember to look after yourself as well.

Hi, it’s up to you but there are some things on the list that you might not need.

My most essential item in the first couple of days was disposable pullup incontinence pants - not for incontinence, but to catch all the lochia coming out.

Local mums facebook groups give away an amazing amount of nearly new stuff for free or cheap.

Anyway onto your list:

• you don’t need a changing bag, this is a marketing gimmick. They’re actually a bit annoying and I soon started using a rucksack instead (so had both hands free to carry baby). You do need the padded changing mat tho!
• IF you are breastfeeding on demand (which may not be your plan) then you don’t need a pump or any bottles. You definitely need the nipple cream tho - lasinoh is v good.
• you don’t need swaddles (and in hot weather these are dangerous)
• you don’t need socks if you choose babygrows that have feet - these are standard and more comfy for baby than socks.
• not sure what bottom spray is but doubt it helps. You’re better off sitting in a very shallow bath of water with salt in.
• baby won’t need shampoo for first few months, especially if eczema prone.
• you don’t need baby books. Best toy was actually a bottle of water, baby adored it.
• with the hats you might want to wait until you know how big the baby is. My guy had a huge head and some of the stuff I’d bought was way too small even on day one.

Congratulations, having a child is so much fun!

Make sure the midwife teaches you how to express milk with your hand, this is helpful to get a few drops out if you are too full. There are some good youtube videos showing this too.

xx