Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

I did use baby socks:
DS1 because he stayed in the curled up position for days if not weeks and when he drew his legs up his feet came out of the babygrows and he got all tangled up. Putting socks on the outside of baby grows kept his feet in place.

DS2 - not a curled up baby but a May baby who could be dressed in cute short rompers in the summer....but always had cold feet so needed socks.

However, until you have your baby you don't know so I would wait.

One thing I learned is that actual maternity bras are quite uncomfortable and expensive. I ditched mine almost immediately as I found my Primark bralets were much comfier and easy to pull down to feed. Depends on your size though - probably not work for an F cup so well!
Aldi nappies far outperform pampers and the like IMO. Aldi also do loads of other baby stuff so it’s worth a look there before you go too wild at amazon.

Also, another vote to ditch mittens and socks. I got a shit tonne of them as gifts and never used them as most sleepsuits do the job far better. Baby will mostly be in sleepsuits for the first few months anyway.
Wouldn’t buy so much baby wash either. It’s not recommend for the first weeks at least, you only use a tiny amount each bath anyway and then you don’t know how baby will be with it. I had to ditch Johnsons as my DS skin went all red after using it. Glad I only had the one bottle!
See how you get on with BF before getting set for bottle feeding. You can buy little ready to drink bottles to have on stand by if BF goes wrong and that will give you time to get pump/bottles/steriliser etc if required.
On that note, I’ve found MAMs self sterilising bottles a game changer. They just go straight in the microwave. We had to change to MAM from tommee tippee as DS wasn’t getting on with the teats so well so that was the steriliser redundant as well.

You probably don't need things like baby books for the first few weeks. Weeks 1 - 6 they are barely awake and just feed, sleep and poop.

Swaddles are useful if you choose to go down that route but swaddling is not essential. Plenty of people don't do it.

Otherwise it doesn't look an unreasonable. Babies do need a lot of stuff.

It is not an unreasonable list but there are bits on there that other people have mentioned that you don't need to get until you know what type of baby you have or can use something else like the towels.

Take a look at the earn £10 a day thread on the money matters board as there might be some work you can do at home with a baby to earn whatever universal credit allows you to earn extra. For example, Mobile Expression will give you £50 worth of Amazon vouchers over the year for installing an app on your phone.

Good luck with the baby.

Absolute subjective opinion here
I think some items are not really needed (based on experience), but obv. it's up to you what you buy :)
No item really sticks out as posh though

Baby home safety set - ??
5 pairs baby socks - not really practical. The onsies with feet are much better
Swaddles - ???
Multipack of mittens -- Never had one, kid grew up fine
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit - I had 2 and loads of pads that kept it clean between washing

3 bottles of baby body and hair wash - simple water is fine at the beginning. They won't go anywhere and actually get dirty :)

Tea towels - ?
Wash cloths - more than you think. They are better than tea towels.

Baby health care kit - now? Need baby scissors. S/he won't have enough hair to justify 2 types of brushes probably :) And I'm sure you don't want to file his/her nails at the beginning....

Changing bag with mat - go for a better option, don't skimp on this one. You'll be needing this for about 3 years + you can use them after that

3 Baby bottles -- we only bought 1, just in case BF wouldn't work. We only bought another one in about a year.

Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in - there is a throwaway undies thing - ugly as f.... but really useful.
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas - make sure that you can button it down to your belly.

Set of books for baby -- for newborn? :) A book for you would be a better option. Breastfeeding after a few days get boring :)

Things I would put on the list

• baby sling
• baby sleeping bags. I sew 3 initially, but needed way more.
• musical mobile. This I splurged on as I wanted normal music:

www.amazon.co.uk/Tiny-Love-Developmental-Suitable-Melodies/dp/B0779783Y6/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&s=baby&keywords=mozart&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1597221226&sr=1-10 It was in use from first week onwards

What a man you married eey 😣and his family no better. Please please go and buy all this stuff . This is just basic stuff. Nothinf fancy about a n y t h i n g

O thank fudge you actually arent married .
But seriously sort out a cot where the baby can sleep and some clothes and def maternity pads. What if the baby comes tomorrow night??

This man doesn't think you need maternity clothes, pads or nursing bras?
What exactly does he think the maternity grant should be spent on?
trainers and computer games by any chance?

Hello everyone,

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So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get all your baby spends sorted soon. Bottom line is, the shops are still open when the baby's born and people will be desperate to bring you things... so you can take it a bit easy...

The Scottish "Baby Box" from the government is really good has room /bath and ear thermometers, also : mittens, socks, clothes in sizes 0-3 and 3-6 months, muslin squares, bib, sling, nail files ( for baby), teething toy, books and box has matress and sheets and blanket . Really well thought out ( PP mentioned you could get one via a Facebook group). Really see if you can get hold of one.

Boots used to do a free changing bag if you joined I think

I didn't need the following:

Hooded bath towel for baby, had one as a present but didn't use it
Baby home safety set, had one from a friend never needed it
Swaddles - just use a baby blanket
Multipack of mittens - my baby not a scratcher
Bottom spray for healing after birth - had csection
Breast pump, ended up not being able to breast feed beyond 2 weeks
Baby books - won't be needed before xmas
Baby shampoo/baby wash, you may not use this but if you do it will come free in your bounty pack
I only ever needed the tiny sample size of sudocream that came free as my baby didn't get nappy rash
Baby bath - never used it
Nappy bag - use any old bag

There will be a lot of baby gear that you never use so it's better to buy as you need it. I bought most gear second hand and then sold it on. Having a baby can be as cheap or as expensive as you want it to be in terms of what you need to buy for them and having a lot of stuff really junks up your house.

Do you have an ear thermometer?
I really appreciated having one of them and it had good use.

Its definitely not OTT, especially as I'm assuming the maternity grant is just for pregnancy/baby items? If you want to cut down on smaller stuff such as suggested above and buy some larger items then do (it seems most of those are covered).

I'd probably add a bath thermometer, lots of people will say its unnecessary but for anxious first time parents it can be really helpful! Wanting to buy things for the baby is natural and seeing as you have a grant you should go ahead.

Some of your items are essentials imo eg bras, towels and tea towels also night wear and pants.No need for special bag but a portable changing mat can be handy( didn't miss not having one mind you ). No need for bottles or breast pump before your baby is born you might not need them and even when you do eg if you are going back to work early you can buy them then.
You will also use one or two hats and baby wipes of some sort as well as nappies of course . Don't buy loads of these as you won't know size. I hear that Lansing nipple cream can be a godsend . I would say that you should wait for anything else until you need it. You might find that things change when your baby is here . Best of luck.

To be honest I'd forget the mittens and socks and buy more babygros with built in scratch mitts. It's a pain to put on the socks and gloves and they keep getting them off somehow! How many muslins do you have? I'd probably double that amount....
Do you have sheets for the crib and basket? You will also need waterproof covers. And I'd have more than one towel.
Also - you are absolutely not going OTT. How is he with the rest of the pregnancy? Is he engaged?
Oh and formula! You need to get some formula just in case - I'd get
The hospital packs that are pre made (very expensive but if you are alone you will struggle to make formula in the hospital)

Bottom line is, the shops are still open when the baby's born

I really think that these and the many similar comments about not buying things until the baby is here or buying them as you need them are well-meant and would be good advice in many circumstances but they're a bit blind to the reality of living on a very low income. I did indeed just buy things as and when but that's because, say, £20 for some muslins and nappies on Monday and then £15 for baby books on Thursday was no big deal to me. That isn't going to be the case for a couple on UC. In theory if OP doesn't spend the money now it'll be there later but that is unlikely to actually happen under the best of circumstances in a very low income household, it'll get swallowed into general expenses. It's particularly unlikely in this case as the boyfriend clearly has other plans for this money; she'd probably be better off with unused baby stuff that she can swap/sell than assuming the money will be there later. If OP doesn't stock up on these things from her grant money she's quite likely to find that the money just isn't there when she actually needs them.

@Smeghead97

Tea towels were recommended as a cheaper alternative to Muslins online. As for swaddles and I could be terribly wrong on this but I was concerned that a sleeping bag would be too big for a newborn and that he'd get his arms all stuck somehow. Is a sleeping bag a better option? The baby health care kit seemed like a good price for what it was thermometer, snot sucker, nail clippers, nail file, hair brush, scissors that sort of stuff. Perhaps I'll only get one bottle, no pump and a hakka and backpack.

Get cellular blankets for sleeping - they can be swaddled in them if necessary but also they can be layered and tucked in tightly for baby. DD has only recently gone into sleeping bags as she wasn't a fan and really until she was a bit bigger she wasn't strong enough to kick them off and untuck them. Don't use tea towels they will be very harsh. By many many many muslins. They are invaluable and have so much versatility.

I can't advise on the baby shopping list but please make sure the baby has your surname.

You can get muslins from Asda cheap and baby face clothes from the pound shop as an alternative. Also would recommend a dressing gown for at the hospital and a spray bottle or facial spritz for while in labour as labour wards are notoriously hot.

Good luck x

Don't buy an expensive changing bag! Mine just ended smelling tank - of nappies etc - and I chucked it.

You'd be better thinking about our relationship with your bf. he doesn't sound nice or caring. What has HE bought for his baby? What doors he think it's more important to spend money on?

Why is he replying so much on his family Tobit your baby things? He and you should be providing them.

I'd try to save up money - without him knowing - so if he lets you down by making crap financial decisions again, you will have some security.

I have to say I had an expensive change bag and it was worth it,really well made.looked great and made me feel good
I don’t use rucksacks as bag ordinarily so not going to because I’d had a baby
For me, a well designed,leather bag was a worthwhile purchase. Plus I kept it in good condition and sold on eBay

Why does your boyfriend get to decide how you spend your maternity grant?
You'll need maternity clothes and things for the baby.
What does he want to spend the money on?
Why is there only one bath towel in the house???

Pick up a bottle of baby paracetamol at Poundland or similar. (Don't buy Calpol as it will be much more expensive for a bottle containing the same paracetamol)

Compare Amazon prices to "real " shops like supermarkets, Wilko and Primark as it's not always a bargain.

Don't get sucked into brands - supermarket own brand baby wash will be as good as Johnson's and Johnson's, Aldi nappies are often rated as better than Pampers etc

Please buy some more towels. I'd buy normal rather than hooded so it lasts longer.

I think that the £500 will go further the more places that you compare and it's very unlikely that one place like Amazon will have it all at the best price.

There's lots of bundles and baby goods sold at a good discount on places like eBay and Facebook marketplace. Don't always discount second hand.

Some local councils do a reusable nappy incentive that you might want to look into.