Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

I suspect that your boyfriend wants to spent your £500 benefits on himself rather than the baby hence his whinging.

Others have already given good advice, I just wanted to second what a pp said about squirreling away some money that he doesn't know about if you can.
It sounds like you also need to have serious words with him, he needs to grow up and put the baby first.

Reusable nappies and wipes are a great idea and will save loads of money, can be used until potty trained and obviously for more than one baby. You can sell them on afterwards. See if there is a cloth nappy library near you where you can try out a range before you decide which ones to buy. Also see what your Council offers, and check Facebook reusable groups for cheap second hand ones.
If he thinks they are "gross", again he needs to grow up, and he is going to be in for a shock with all the poo/wee which will need clearing up generally! He'll have to get over himself quickly!

I'd recommend a change bag like this one www.amazon.co.uk/Changing-Backpack-Charging-Insulated-Stroller/dp/B083NYLQ2R/ref=asc_df_B083NYLQ2R/?hvlocphy=9045267&hvlocphy=9045267&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=431043984662&hvadid=431043984662&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&hvpos&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-899101192951&hvtargid=pla-899101192951&hvrand=3598272505059116230&hvrand=3598272505059116230&adgrpid=103180007514

It's plastic on the inside for spills etc and so many handy pockets. A good price too I think.

@THisbackwithavengeance

I suspect that your boyfriend wants to spent your £500 benefits on himself rather than the baby hence his whinging.

Unfortunately OP I am inclined to agree. Good luck with the baby though

It seems like a sensible list. Perhaps he is just worried about money and seeing everything set out can sort of make everything seem very real.

Totally agree with what PPs have said about mittens - complete waste of money. When they are little the sleepsuits with foldover cuffs work best. Dd1 used to scratch at her eczema when I changed her clothes when she was older and baby socks on her hands worked brilliantly.
Leave the baby books and instead pick these up from charity shops.
One bottle of baby wash is enough, you really only need the smallest amount for their hair occasionally and a little bit of your hand is enough to clean them with.
Baby brush - no need.
Go to a supermarket for a box of babywipes.
Nappy rash cream, just something basic and emollient is often fine.
Stretchy non wired bras or crop tops work as nursing bras.
We used barely any muslins, just didnt have sicky babies. Buy a few and see how you go.

A rucksack really is the best changing bag.

Good luck, and enjoy your baby when they arrive.

@scatteredstars, are you seriously suggesting mums in receipt of benefits do not have babies?
What an unkind snobby post
babies need love,and regard and that isn’t exclusive to the employed

if you think your baby is likely to have ecxema then i wouldnt bulk buy wipes in case the baby has a reaction to them and you are left

YANBU. Few notes on purchases (I have a 12yo and 6 month old)

I wouldn’t bother with tea towels. I think ASDA do 10 Muslins for £10 and I’d get two packs instead. Softer for breastfeeding etc.

As mentioned above the Haakaa is great as is the bellababy.

Have you got a stériliser? I’d recommend the Milton one but if you’d like to get everything now maybe a plug in or micro one is better so you don’t have to keep buying tabs?

Wouldn’t bother with shampoo and wash

Have you considered reusable wipes? You wash them on a 60 degree wash and they’re great for babies with sensitive skin.

Best of luck!

The list seems fine to me.

Moses basket sheets. You'll get through more than you think with baby dribbling milk and being sick. I think I changed the moses basket sheet daily!

Check the prices at Asda.com for this stuff. Amazon is good for many things but I've noticed they are not the best for baby stuff. Only buy 1 bottle of baby wash, it will last ages, choose a dark towel for you again I recommend Asda, mine are asda (£8 for lovely soft bath sheet).

Leave out the swaddles, bottom spray forget (water is fine), don't buy nursing bras until 38 weeks min and only buy 1, you will likely change size (buy a £5 regular Asda bra for now or use extenders), don't bother with bottles or pump for now, far easier to ebf (and free), 1 hat, and look what's in the health care kit, again try Asda.

Asda were doing free delivery over £30.

The only things I would cut out are the mittens. They're not recommended anymore as babies need their hands free for sensory development.

You can buy loads of that stuff second hand.

Muslins are super cheap - Ikea ones are lovely for instance.

@SentientAndCognisant it’s very irresponsible. I mean we’re essentially raising that child with our taxes...but anyway not allowed to say things like that..

@scatteredstars I totally agree..it’s a lifestyle I can’t understand. I’m all for helping people but at least have some sort of income first.

Firstly, it’s not excessive.

Secondly, explain that this is your first baby and you would really appreciate if he just let you be excited by this and indulge.

Thirdly, you are going over the top, you will find you didint actually need half the stuff, but so what! This is exactly what I done and I loved buying bits for my first baby as I was just so excited about it all!!

I think your doing nothing wrong.

@scatteredstars and @HOkieCOkie people on low incomes or with a disability may get uc. Are you seriously suggesting that couples ìn these circumstances should not have children?

Also as a side note, I see you are on benefits, do yourselves a favour and try and get a job before the baby is one.

You will save yourself from loosing yourself, but most of all, whilst it’s hard in the beginning, you will be creating choices for both you and your baby in the future. I’ve been on benefits before, and the difference between people on them and people who are not, is that you have so so much more choices in life!!

Due to the virus and my income nose diving, I could technically claim benefits, but I won’t touch it with a barge pole, no way am I going back to that chaotic shit!

HOkieCOkie where do you think childbenefit comes from? Our taxes pay for all kinds of things we might not personally use. £500 grants for people to provide for babies that would otherwise go without really is a drop in the ocean. I'm sure as more and more people come off furlough and lose their jobs there will be less complaining about government support.

Different people use different things

Someone upthread says you can't have too many pairs of socks. I think mine has worn them about three times in six months, and could have done with two pairs max since they dry quickly.

I just got as much stuff as I could second hand. They're used for such a short period and often the baby doesn't even like certain things so new is not necessary. I got the Ergobaby carrier for about 30 pounds, it's over 150 new where we are (not UK).

It's nice to have some new stuff too, of course.

You need to have a serious discussion with your bf about money and draw up a budget for baby stuff that he can't touch. Parenting is stressful enough without money worries on top

Have you got a Boot advantage card? If you sign up to the parenting club you can get some freebies, a bottle/breast maternity pads etc..

the spray was essential for me. I got one from the pharamcy that was amazing.

@HOkieCOkie you're allowed to say whatever you want, but it makes you sound a bit thick when you do