Bf think I'm buying too much for baby

[Smeghead97]

I'm having my first baby in October. Throughout most of my pregnancy I have been unable to buy baby things mostly due to the fact that we were 1. In temporary accomodation and didnt want to have to move everything before baby came and 2. my bf says I 'don't need to buy anything because his family will sort it all out" I am due in 8 weeks and the only things I myself have bought is 3 toys for the baby. Partner has so far bought nothing.

Admittedly his family and friends of family have been very generous and have bought crib with mattress, Moses basket, travel system, baby bath, nursing chair, most sizes of nappies and lots of clothes. The reason they have been so generous is largely due to the fact that they know both me and partner are on universal credit. My bio mum also bought lots of clothes and bibs for baby.

We have a £500 maternity grant from the local council which is to be used to buy things for baby. Now here is the issue I recently filled up an amazon basket with things we needed for the baby. My partner has not been very involved in the shopping so it has been left to me.

So far £340 has been spent on the left over items that I consider we need to get. When I showed my bf the list he said a lot of it was unnecessary and that I was going over the top and buying things that "rich parents" would buy their baby. Bare in mind I have tried to find the cheapest options for most things other than the baby wash and shampoo as it is likely our baby is going to have eczema.

I feel like my bf is being unrealistic about what a baby and mother needs. And I honestly thought I was buying minimally here is a rough list AIBU?

Bath towel for me-we only have 1 in the house
Hooded bath towel for baby
Baby home safety set
5 pairs baby socks
Swaddles
Multipack of mittens
Maternity pads
Bottom spray for healing after birth
3 nursing bras-currently have no bras that fit
3 bottles of baby body and hair wash
Tea towels
Wash cloths
Baby health care kit
Changing bag with mat
3 Baby bottles
Bulk box of baby wipes
Breast pump
3 Baby hats
Nipple cream
Underwear for hospital- i don't have any styles that will fit a maternity pad in
Button down night dress-i have no pyjamas
Set of books for baby

Am i seriously going over the top??

Your list is overall ok and well done for pulling all that in for £340
Except
Mittens?is that in case baby scratches face?
Tea towels?

Do Get a nice change bag after all you’ll use it daily

Other things you may need but get as late as possible:

• if you are solely breast feeding you need to give the baby vitamin D drops. If you giving the baby formula e.g. you are mixed feeding then you don't need to bother.
• Metanium nappy rash ointment. This is the nappy rash cream that works the quickest particularly on babies with skin problems.
• paracetamol suspension for young babies. Boots or a supermarket own brand is fine so no need to spend money on Calpol. This is really for when they have their vaccinations. You may find randomly that they are out of stock particularly due to the Covid situation so try and get some before you need it.

Your list doesn't sound that extravagant. I'd take off the safety kit and the books. You won t need these for a while.

I would strongly recommend a decent digital in ear thermometer. It’s the best investment I made, used with all three DC. It sounds as though you’ve been given a lot of things, which is nice but if you haven’t chosen it, I can understand wanting to get a couple of more personal things like a hooded towel and books, not just the boring necessities so would say do include those. I read to all three DC from the very earliest days because sometimes I just didn’t know what to do with them or say to them (especially when one was in hospital at 5 days old) and I love reading! I wouldn’t get a breast pump until you know how feeding is going, and for slings look for a local sling library so you can try them first, or possibly borrow orbit second hand (DS1&2 both hated slings, yet to try it with DD who is 6 months)

Lots of those things you will need. But remember that just because something is available to buy for the baby, does not mean you need it. I fell for this and got loads of unnecessary stuff doe DS1 like baby moisturiser - no need!

I don't think from experience you will need/use:
baby wash - I used barely any and if the baby has eczema then water is best
bottom spray - not sure what this is but a bit of lavender oil in the bath worked well for me. £2 from a local health food shop.
baby home safety set - what is this? In any case you don't need it yet
baby wipes - I just used flannels but I know a lot of people use wipes
baby socks and mittens
swaddles - baby may not like this
baby health care kit - what is in this? Any health care will come from the midwife, health visitor or doctor
baby hats - not advisable indoors and none of mine would keep a hat on
nipple cream - get it if you need it when feeding but you may not - I fed three babies and never needed this
Breast pump - maybe see if you can get a cheaper one as someone else suggested. Not everyone gets on with this and an electric one is expensive

I see that other posters have said similar to me and some have said different. I do think I would wait and see what you really need before spending your money.

Sorry OP I see you've answered about the baby health kit - a thermometer is useful but nail clippers and hairbrush are not really needed.

The list is fine am shocked that list comes to £340 where are you buying from?

I would get muslins instead of the tea towels. If you get big ones they can be used to swaddle the baby too, or even as a little blanket to go over them in the pram (I know the UK can be cold in the winter but when I lived there I found everywhere inside had the heating on high so a thick blanket might be too much). I had 8 big muslins and used them all the time, and they dry fast which is great because with a new baby you're constantly doing washing.

With the breast pump - I would wait and see how you go, and hire one or get one second hand if needed. I'd give you my old one but I'm not in the UK anymore. Not every mum needs one. I only used one because my baby wouldn't latch so I used it to tide us over whilst we learned how to breastfeed. If breastfeeding comes straight away for you then you might not need it. You also could end up formula feeding and then might not need it. There are honestly so many variables with it and as they are so expensive I would wait and see what's happening once the baby comes.

I never really felt the mittens or hats were needed (or used!)

I agree the safety set isn’t needed until baby gets mobile, so you could leave this for a bit.

I agree you don’t need the hair brush or special nail clippers.

Also, I don’t think tea towels are a baby purchase and agree that the muslins suggested would be befter.

I also used a rucksack for my second baby and think that is better than changing bag.

If you are in Scotland OP, then you would get a baby box which has lots of these things in it.

I would look in discount stores like home bargains, B&M and primark for lots of these things. And also look on local Facebook groups for bargains. We bought and sold lots of stuff on there, and so did most of our friends

Please don’t use tea towels instead of Muslins. Tea towels don’t wash well and go hard and you won’t want to be wiping your baby’s mouth with a hard, rough tea towel and I think they’re probably more expensive anyway? Muslins can be expensive in some shops - Morrison’s do a good pack of 4 for £3 (from memory) And honestly Muslins are pretty essential and we use multiples every single day - DS actually uses a Muzzy as a comforter too.

It’s worth investing in a Bath and Room thermometer. Tommy Tippee do a 2 in 1 version (green & white in a star shape) and it’s great for checking the bath temperature and I used it loads in the winter when my son was a newborn as a good guide, to tell you what to dress baby in for bed. As a first time Mum I found this really helpful. I bought mine from Lidl for £10 (more expensive online)

On bottles, don’t buy loads of one type until you know the baby will accept it. I bought loads of one brand and DS hated them and then I had to go and find a bottle he would accept (we got there on the third try)

Amazon is great but I find it more expensive for baby items than a supermarket overall. You can pick up a box of 600+ wet wipes for £6.50 in Tesco atm but on amazon likely to be much more, so it might be worth looking at Supermarkets too, to make your money go further. Also every supermarket has a regular baby event, keep an eye on these and you can pick up some bargains and stock pile nappies and wipes.

Good luck with the baby.

Someone has mentioned cloth nappies - I found cloth nappies great and mine are still going strong after over a year, but I don't know if I would advise getting them in your situation. Yes, they have saved me a lot of money, but the initial outlay was the equivalent of about 200 in UK money and it is a gamble - I have loved mine but I have read very mixed things online. It seems that some people really don't get on with them and end up not using them. It's a huge amount of money for you to spend on something you might end up not using. Supermarkets tend to do cheap nappies. It might be better using those.

I would definitely recommend cloth wipes though - I found cheap baby faceclothes in packs of 15 for equivalent about 3 pounds. They work so much better than the disposable wipes and you save so much money.

I second Morrison's for very reasonably priced baby stuff and vert good quality too for the price.

I bought this nursing bra after the birth:

Aibrou Women's Seamless Maternity Nursing Bra Wireless Padded Front Button Clips Breastfeeding Bra https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07VVW9NYW/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_s1XmFbWP93MEW

I've bought 4 nursing bras and this is the most comfortable by far. Some of them have stupid boning in the sides - it's agony. Had to take it out (and still hate them). This just feels really soft and nice.

I personally would leave ordering the bra till near or after the birth if this is your first. I'd only buy one to start in case it doesn't fit. I changed size quite a bit in the last few weeks - days even.

The money is there for you to spend on the baby - you buy whatever you want to.

I wouldn't buy the hooded towel. Personally, I would buy a pump. I would also buy a pumping bra for it to fit in. They aren't pretty, but they are really handy.

LOVELYBOBO 2 Pieces Hands-Free Pumping Bra, Nursing Bra, Wireless, Adjustable Zipper Breastfeeding Bra for Holding Breast Pumps.M-XL,(Black+Nude) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07ZNHYHD6/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_N-XmFbYTYZ5V5

I never used the muslins, or the changing bag. I would get a steriliser and more bottles.

We did get an awful lot second hand. That way, we weren't confined to basic models and if we didn't use it, it wasn't the end of the world.

Also, did quite well selling used baby clothes and equipment on eBay afterwards.

Apologies if already been mentioned- I used a squirty water bottle, filled it with warm water and a few drops of lavender and/or tea tree oil in the first few weeks after my first- this will do the job of the spray for very little cost. Didn’t need it with my second at all but had an episiotomy with no1 and found this really soothing. Good luck! xx

It's all very well pointing out that some of these things won't be needed immediately, but from what OP says it sounds very likely that if she doesn't buy them now the money won't be there when they're needed - anything left over from the grant will be swallowed up in general expenses and it sounds like the BF has designs on it. If you want the money to actually go on baby things then it makes sense to buy things that you will need, like baby-proofing stuff (though I agree to look at individual items not a kit) or books, because realistically it doesn't sound like they'll ever be bought otherwise.

Don’t be put off cloth reusable nappies (and reusable wipes) because BF thinks they’re gross. Changing pooy baby nappies is gross anyway, that can’t be avoided! I was keen on using them for cost and environmental reasons. I used mine for both DC so really got my money’s worth.

A baby thermometer is good.
Been with someone who doesn't pay for a child and doesn't contribute... so whatever you're buying has eff all to do with him. You're not buying things you don't need so he can pipe down and put his hand in his pocket.

Also local authorities often do money off vouchers for cloth nappies as it means less waste for the council to collect.

Your bf sounds a bit of a dick, tbh. Did he have other plans for that grant?

Please make sure to have all of your needs covered too. You’re giving birth so there’s things you will need that really your partner can’t have a say on whether it is a waste or not. You may find a pump helpful, one of my fitness utilised her pump a lot as she didn’t have a great milk supply it really helped her produce more.

I hope you’re able to get emotional support, it must be so overwhelming for you to be trying to juggle to get everything you and the baby needs.

Reusable cloths, not wipes, bottom spray, salt for bath and sudicream.
Don’t stuff you may never need, socks are a great gift

Before you put your order in look in aldi they have something very similar to HAkka for 4.99 they also do boxes of wipes for £2.39? Ish I got all our baby towels and blankets from there less than a fiver for 2! I would also stock up on maternity pads and breast pads again super cheap in a supermarket compared to online! If your boyfriend is really irresponsible with money I would make sure you transfer what's left from the baby money somewhere he is unable to gain access Incase you need to get something urgently for the little one or yourself! Good luck