to ask what you think-30 year old virgin

[username108]

Do you know anyone who is an older virgin? Do you think its really odd for someone to still be a virgin at 30?

My DP hadn’t been been in a relationship till he met me aged 27 and wasn’t interested in one night stands. Worked out well for me as he hasn’t learned any bad habits!

I seem to be in the minority but I think it's a bit odd. I'd guess religious or low self esteem.

Not everyone meets someone. I think it's none of my business.

Why does it matter?

But yes, I imagine that I do. Some people are asexual. Some people (lots) are religious. Some people are shy or socially awkward. Some people have physical disabilities that make sex more awkward. Lots of people have some level of additional needs that may make them less likely to find a partner.

We have a male friend who's 43 and has never really had a gf / bf . He is quite socially inept so I would not be surprised if he is.

Pretty sure my Male friend is who is 29. 30 next month. Hes never had a relationship and is painfully shy when meeting anyone new so cant imagine he has ever hooked up with a one night stand. No single female friends he may have DTD with on a drunken night out either. Hes my fiances best friend and we're not actually sure hes ever kissed anyone tbh. I suspect he has an undiagnosed mild autism as hes quite particular about some things which cause him to worry.

Hes lovely and I actually just think it's a shame rather than weird. Hes a wonderfully kind person, great job, sporty, a brilliant friend. He would make someone very happy if he worked on his shyness and put himself out there.

I don't see a problem. Not everyone is out bonking other people all the time from teen years. Me and OH were virgins until late 20s.

I used to work with a 30 year old man who had never been on a date or kissed a girl. He still lived at home with Mum and Dad who did everything for him. He tried learning to drive but couldn't get past the first lesson after ten attempts so his Dad was his personal taxi.

His parents had told him he must not have sex before marriage. He started OLD and had to lie to his parents and ask for a lift into town to meet a "friend" if he got a date. He never got past the first date, nobody he met wanted to be his "first" anything.

We tried to persuade him that he needed to leave home and get his own place (he was loaded, he lived at home rent free and his parents paid for everything so his wages just went into the bank and sat there). His parents had told him he should live at home until he's married!

I wonder what happened to him.....

Not odd and probably sensible in my experience

I know 4 people at least.
I knew one guy who had no time because he cared for his ill parents until they died and then, aged 54, met a lovely woman who he went on to marry.

Another guy who is now 62 in similar position (dad died when he was a teen, he stayed home to care for his mum, his sister then died, in her 20s, so he stayed in childhood home looking after his mum until she died). Just never went anywhere to meet girls. A bit socially awkward.

I have a friend who is 55 who hasn't had a boyfriend because she dedicated herself to work and gaining a professional qualification. Lovely person but just doesn't know how to start meeting anyone now. Put masses of weight on and lacks body confidence.

The final one is 33 and is the most delightful woman (I think of her as a girl as she has such amazing child-like exhuberance in everything she does). She has Downes syndrome and has had lovely romantic relationships with others with DS but understands the reasons why her mum doesn't want her to have sex. One boyfriend died but she does have another with whom she has a non-sexual relationship.

There are all sorts of reasons for people being virgins, nothing odd about it at all.

@ClementineWoolysocks

I know a 50 year old virgin, she describes herself as uninterested in sex or romantic relationships. I don't think it's odd, I think too much emphasis is put on virginity being something to be ashamed of or something to be gotten rid of as soon as possible.

I agree, also agree it isn't something to be proud of. It just shouldn't be an issue.

Your friend is not interested in sex or romantic relationships - fair enough, she is an individual. No point in delving into something that doesn't attract you.

I'd think it fairly unusual but not massively noteworthy.

My best friend is 25 and a virgin, she's told me that in and of itself it doesn't bother her, and she's quite happy to wait and "sort herself out" in the mean time, it does make her apprehensive about romantic relationships. She feels like might struggle to "bring anything to the table" so to speak, and I think those fears prevent her from taking the plunge.

It is unusual

I don't think it's a bad thing but pp saying they think it's common surprises me, or being 30 in 2020 is way different to what I'm imagining

Some people are just not into casual hookups and sex is a big deal for them.

I don’t actually think I know anyone. Even the religious people I know have all got married. I’m 30.

I’d find it a bit strange if they weren’t religious - but then I was someone who waited for ages before I had sex, so maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised. I was just lucky enough to meet my DH at 18. And I was also very religious as a teenager so understand waiting for that reason too.

Are they A Sexual?

That's fine. I know at least one person who is still a virgin and is over 30. Nothing to do with religion, she just hasn't met someone she's happy/comfortable enough with. Nothing wrong with her.

I've no idea if anyone I know or met is a virgin. It's not anything of any consequence.

I think it's only of some importance 90% of the time to teenagers or early twenties.

A close family member who is 39 is a virgin. He is a hyper cautious person with social anxiety who I think simply cannot handle the vulnerability that physical intimacy requires. I still hope he can find someone he trusts enough to get there but it seems less and less likely with each passing year.

I don't think there's anything very odd about it. Some people either have never met a person they're attracted to enough or trust enough to have sex and some people aren't interested in sex at all. It probably happens to more people than we realise.

Ex boyfriend of mine was 38 yr old virgin and I was his first. I didn’t find anything odd about him except a bit of an obsession with washing after sex—I felt as if he felt the act was dirty. He told me he just had not met anyone special before me, hence the virginity. We eventually split for unconnected reasons. However I later heard that he had married the woman he got together with after me and they had remained married for a few years but then she divorced him because she found his sexual tastes were incompatible with hers. Frustratingly I never did find out exactly what these tastes were but she didn’t strike anyone as a prude. I am not of course suggesting that everyone who waits before having sex has something ‘off’ about them or even that he did, but it’s possible in some cases I guess.

My dh was a virgin when we got together. He was 38. He had never met the right person for a relationship and just wasn’t interested in casual sex. Not a big deal at all!

I think it’s very unusual.

Honestly? As an older woman I find it a whole lot more understandable than the whole hook up thing.

My best friend at secondary school was a virgin certainly until she was 25, which is when we lost touch. We still chat occasionally on Facebook and as far as I can tell she is still single, so I don't know if she has had sex. She's now 29.

I know that she had her first kiss when she was 22 - a random guy while on a night out.

I don't think it's weird. She didn't date at school or uni, then after uni she immediately retrained in another profession so she was really busy and focused. I suppose she just hadn't met anyone worth the effort.