Friend driving us up the walls.

[Brot64]

Read a somewhat similar post here last night but cannot find it, so cannot contribute or ask what needs asking.

I have been bombarded with messages, text and emails, from a friend of ours since 6am this morning. I always wake up at 5am so the issue is not the time, more the messages. It's all covid related, conspiracy based articles, PDF's anti vaccine re:covid, how our society is being hijacked, how the world is being reset, how wearing masks is causing ill health particularly dental, the list is endless, followed by numerous messages. He also knows my mother, who use to be a virologist but is now a neuropathologist though not here , and has bombarded her with numerous emails some in which he has stated that the work she did and does is a hoax particularly in relation to virology (she wrote numerous published articles and he seems to be very interested in).

As she has not been responding he asked me to forward and discuss a report with her, we didn't actually discuss it but to calm him (I know, terrible) I did say we have and it's all the same conspiracy view. I have been responding so might have fuelled this, however I have clearly stated that I am not interested in reading anymore of the articles.

DH suggests it's time to call quits on the friendship. We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation. I have very much enjoyed our friendship but now I dread hearing from him. We cannot seem to speak about anything else aside from this. Am I being insensitive here? If you wouldn’t end the friendship, what approach would you take considering that simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

Then tell him to stop sending them because you don't want to hear it anymore. How on earth did he get hold of your mothers email address?

Tbh I'd have told him where to stick once he started on my mum.

‘Hi David, I have looked at some of the information you have sent and I think I’ve made at quite clear that I’m not in agreement with you on this. Please stop sending these messages now, it would be a shame to spoil out friendship and unfortunately it will do just that if this continues. Happy to chat about other stuff and we very much hope you are ok. All the best Brot.’

If he ignores that then you’ll have to block him for a while.

Could you tell him that the messages are making you anxious and so he must stop.
Then if he continues, block him, but you’ve given fair warning.
I also think your friend needs help with his anxiety, but I don’t know how easy that is to access.

One message:

Do not contact me ever again.

How on earth does he have your mum’s email? Not one of my friends has my mum’s email! Seems weird. Tell her to block him then do the same.

I think it's time to break out the block/mark as spam tools. Not necessarily permanently but certainly for a few weeks at least.

Does anything in this link seem familiar?

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/emotional-freedom/201101/the-5-types-emotional-vampires-in-your-life

They have met numerous times when parents have visited. We were/are actually close friends. However he didn't have her email as I asked. The response was that he contacted her on her work email. It's easily available online. I am certain he doesn't have her private email as he was complaining that she hasn't defended her work (as she hasn't responded) and was enquiring whether she has access to her work email. My mother has seen these emails but refuses to respond.

Is an example of the tone and messages above.

Just send a message such as "whilst I appreciated your friendship in the past, your current behaviour towards me and my family, including the content of communications, frequency and inappropriate approach sadly means that I am now ceasing any further contact, you are to cease contacting my family or me and any further communication will be deleted. If contact continues, or becomes threatening in nature I will not hesitate to take action.

Id cut the friendship off. It's just too much.

I sent a message before posting on here saying that I would appreciate it if no further contact if made to my mother, that this topic is dropped as we will and cannot agree and that we have many other things to discuss about but I do respect his view and expect him to respect my view.

Response: "Brot, you are wilfully wearing blinkers." And, your mother's email is not private, it's available to the public and it is my right to enquire or dispute any article that she has published as they are not private property.

Following you're update I'd respond along the lines of your not happy having your family members contacted, that you wish him well but want no further contact from him.
He's gone a bit far here.

I’m not sure you need to end the friendship, unless that’s what you really want. But it sounds as if the only thing you can do is ask him directly not to send any more messages. Tell him you’ve found some of it interesting but it’s a bit much now and could he give it a rest for a bit.

Oh sorry didn’t see your update, on which he sounds a bit unhinged. Perhaps a more forceful approach is required.

@Brot64

I sent a message before posting on here saying that I would appreciate it if no further contact if made to my mother, that this topic is dropped as we will and cannot agree and that we have many other things to discuss about but I do respect his view and expect him to respect my view.

Response: "Brot, you are wilfully wearing blinkers." And, your mother's email is not private, it's available to the public and it is my right to enquire or dispute any article that she has published as they are not private property.

He is harassing your mum and isn't even ashamed.

Just block him now, no good will come of engaging with him. He's a zealot.

Tell him you’ve found some of it interesting but it’s a bit much now and could he give it a rest for a bit.

Yes, thats a really good response, try that

Block him. He's barking mad.

Is this new behaviour for him? Is he well generally in himself? If it’s new I’d be concerned about his wellbeing. But not to the detriment of your own.

A message from you "Do not contact me again either directly, indirectly, by any means (text. SM, Email etc) or my family. If you do so, you will be reported to the police and I will no hesitate to push for charges, via the police.

Get your mother to send exactly the same message from her own email.

Then do it report to the police every time you hav contact.

I would suggest that your friend is possibly not very well. Do what is needed for your well-being- block, etc. But if they were good friend, do consider if there is any family/person in their life that you would like to let know, so they can hopefully get help for your friend.
But don't feel guilty about cutting this off yourself.

We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation

He sounds as if he's experiencing some mental distress. Obsessive conspiracy theory-type stuff - if he has never been like this in the past then I would be very worried about him.

Tell him you’ve found some of it interesting but it’s a bit much now and could he give it a rest for a bit. I also added, let's drop this conversation and please do leave my mother out of it.

I have just done this. The response I have just received is this:

All I have done is present you with some alternative views. As I am interested in your opinion based on a critical evaluation of those sources. Critical thinking requires the suspension of our “belief” and a weighing of the validation and content of the source. The ability to think critically. Critical thinking is cold, hard and objective. We look at facts and sources and come to conclusions, or pose questions as a result. Nothing more. Nothing less. You seem to be incapable of thinking critically on this subject.

He does sound unwell. Has his recent separation badly affected him?

You won't be able to reason with him. I unfortunately would block him, which is a shame if you've been friends for a long time but it is getting too much now.