Friend driving us up the walls.

[Brot64]

Read a somewhat similar post here last night but cannot find it, so cannot contribute or ask what needs asking.

I have been bombarded with messages, text and emails, from a friend of ours since 6am this morning. I always wake up at 5am so the issue is not the time, more the messages. It's all covid related, conspiracy based articles, PDF's anti vaccine re:covid, how our society is being hijacked, how the world is being reset, how wearing masks is causing ill health particularly dental, the list is endless, followed by numerous messages. He also knows my mother, who use to be a virologist but is now a neuropathologist though not here , and has bombarded her with numerous emails some in which he has stated that the work she did and does is a hoax particularly in relation to virology (she wrote numerous published articles and he seems to be very interested in).

As she has not been responding he asked me to forward and discuss a report with her, we didn't actually discuss it but to calm him (I know, terrible) I did say we have and it's all the same conspiracy view. I have been responding so might have fuelled this, however I have clearly stated that I am not interested in reading anymore of the articles.

DH suggests it's time to call quits on the friendship. We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation. I have very much enjoyed our friendship but now I dread hearing from him. We cannot seem to speak about anything else aside from this. Am I being insensitive here? If you wouldn’t end the friendship, what approach would you take considering that simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

....yeah that would be the end of the friendship for me! I’d just reply “since we cannot agree to disagree, please don’t contact me until you firmly remove that tin foil hat of yours.”

I'd be sending what maddening wrote.

He has not been like this in the past. We have had numerous levelled discussions before some of which we have disagreed on but it's never caused any problems. This is something I have never experienced with him before, hence the shock and it is actually making me very anxious now because he will not let go. A text to my mother has also made me aware that he's sent her 69 emails since 10pm yesterday. All with numerous links. I have made him aware that if this continuous he leaves me no choice but to terminate our friendship and block him on all platforms. Yet to receive a response on that one.

He sounds ill OP, onset of schizophrenia perhaps? Is there anyone from his family you could contact about him?

If you think he's just being annoying then definitely tell him to stop sending you stuff and at worst cut him off completely.

Yeah, just seen your update, he's bonkers, block him.

Why can't you say " look I have zero interest in discussing this with you "?
He is crossing the line into harassment. Personally I'd have no qualms telling him to fuck off. Is this friendship important to you ?

How about you tell him that however interested he is on the subject, you are not and neither is his mother and the bombardment from him is making you upset. If you feel it is out of character, tell him that you are worried about his mental state and suggest he visit a GP. Tell him that you get to choose what you think about, NOT him, and you do not wish to continue receiving messages. And if he does continue you will have to block him and end the friendship.

69 emails ?
I'd go absolutely apeshit at him .

Stoner?

You could block for a bit see if he calms down over coming months - or alternatively ask him of he's okay as his behavior is worrying you.

You can end a friendship at any time for any reason - you owe this friend nothing and frankly contacting your Mum and harrising her would tip me to doing just that.

He sounds unwell. If he isn’t usually like this then the manic focus and lack of empathy are often associated with very poor mental health. I Bet he isn’t sleeping, taking care of himself very well at all.

I have made him aware that if this continuous he leaves me no choice but to terminate our friendship and block him on all platforms. Yet to receive a response on that one.

Xposts - good plan and if he persists follow through.

At the beginning of this thread I would’ve said to ask him not to speak to you about these theories or contact your mother but possibly try to keep the friendship as he may be temporarily overwhelmed by everything.

Now that you’ve done that and he’s responded by saying he’ll continue to harass your mum as it’s his ‘right’ to do so and implied that you’re too dim to understand his brilliance I’d be done with him.

I would go past this. “Brot, you are harassing my mother at her place of work. This is unacceptable. You are entitled to your opinions and she is entitled to earn her living without your harassment. If you don’t stop immediately, I shall tell her to report you to the police. I will happily supply her with supportive evidence of your current state of mind. Perhaps then you will get the help we all think you need.” This has to stop. Now.

I have an ex-friend who was like this over politics. She was very left wing and her rants and inquisition got boring. I didn’t have the time or brain space to keep answering her as she wouldn’t accept any other view other than hers. Nothing was ever ‘enough’ for her.

She’s an ex-friend for a reason.

Tbh it sounds as though he might be experiencing some mental health difficulties.
You may have to be clear along the lines of we need to be able to agree to disagree on this subject as it’s not something you are prepared to engage on further with him, but that you are around to continue to be friends generally, but that you are finding the discussion as it currently is a little difficult to continue...

Your mum is doing the right thing. No doubt she will have her work add his address to the spam filter soon.

I'd start ghosting him if I were you, especially after the cheeky fucker accused you of being incapable of critical thought.

Is he a stoner whose relationship ended because of his cannabis use and increasing paranoia / poor mental health that so often goes along with it?

You seem to be incapable of thinking critically on this subject.

Oh yeah it's your lack of critical thinking that's the problem...

I'd simply respond:

Then it's best that you cease attempting to discuss it with me. I have repeatedly asked you to stop raising this topic. We do not agree and I will not accept your attempts to harass me into engaging with you on this subject. You are an old and dear friend and I would like to resume our previous affectionate and respectful friendship and talk about other topics. If instead you'd rather bombard and insult me and my family, you will be choosing to end our friendship. To be honest your responses so far are becoming rather obsessive on this topic and I'm starting to develop genuine concerns about you. I hope that you are well, and would choose to continue a respectful friendship over a conspiracy theory, The ball is in your court.

Cross-post. Wow, he’s unhinged.

69 EMAILS?

He's not well. Call the non-emergency police and ask them to have a word.

Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!!

I would tell him that (1) you are not going to read any more of this propaganda; (2) he needs to stop attacking your mother.

Then if he persists beyond that, I would end the friendship, at least for the time being. He may be suffering a temporary mental health problem, so I would leave the door open to a return; but, whatever problems he is having, you can't force him to seek help, and you cannot (IMO) implicitly condone what is very dangerous propaganda at the moment. Also, he should not use your mum as a punching-bag!

69 emails since 10pm last night, is harassment and your mum should just send him one email back, telling him that if he continues, she will report him to the police for harassment.

If I was you, I'd block him now. He's going on about critical thinking, but unless your critical thinking aligns with his, he will dismiss your views and tell you that you're wrong. You can't have a proper discussion with these conspiracy theorists as they don't listen to anything that might dispute their views and they will say you're one of the "sheeple".

@MatildaTheCat

‘Hi David, I have looked at some of the information you have sent and I think I’ve made at quite clear that I’m not in agreement with you on this. Please stop sending these messages now, it would be a shame to spoil out friendship and unfortunately it will do just that if this continues. Happy to chat about other stuff and we very much hope you are ok. All the best Brot.’

If he ignores that then you’ll have to block him for a while.

This says it all really

Send him a text.

Our friendship is terminated. You are harrassing me and my mother. If this continues, I will be taking further action.

As he is ignoring your personal boundaries, and being disrespectful in the process, I think you'll need to follow your mother's example and simply not respond.

The entitlement that he is somehow "owed" your mother's time and attention speaks volumes.