Friend driving us up the walls.

[Brot64]

Read a somewhat similar post here last night but cannot find it, so cannot contribute or ask what needs asking.

I have been bombarded with messages, text and emails, from a friend of ours since 6am this morning. I always wake up at 5am so the issue is not the time, more the messages. It's all covid related, conspiracy based articles, PDF's anti vaccine re:covid, how our society is being hijacked, how the world is being reset, how wearing masks is causing ill health particularly dental, the list is endless, followed by numerous messages. He also knows my mother, who use to be a virologist but is now a neuropathologist though not here , and has bombarded her with numerous emails some in which he has stated that the work she did and does is a hoax particularly in relation to virology (she wrote numerous published articles and he seems to be very interested in).

As she has not been responding he asked me to forward and discuss a report with her, we didn't actually discuss it but to calm him (I know, terrible) I did say we have and it's all the same conspiracy view. I have been responding so might have fuelled this, however I have clearly stated that I am not interested in reading anymore of the articles.

DH suggests it's time to call quits on the friendship. We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation. I have very much enjoyed our friendship but now I dread hearing from him. We cannot seem to speak about anything else aside from this. Am I being insensitive here? If you wouldn’t end the friendship, what approach would you take considering that simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

Bloody hell, op. I'm afraid he is unwell, this is far beyond annoying fixation and into mental break of some sort.

I'd tell him I was worried about his mh, try to get him to see the extremity of his behaviour, and then if he's not having it, sad to say I'd have to block him. Though if you know his parents I'd get in touch with them and tell them you're worried about him.

Based on what oh’ expectations said, he sounds unwell to be honest.
Do you know any of his family? I’d be asking someone to go round and check on him.
And yes, advise your Mother to block his emails as his behaviour is certainly harassment.

He sounds as though he's going through a mental health crisis and needs medical help. Would he contact his GP if you asked him to?

Alternatively, are you able to speak with his ex wife and tell her your concerns?

You seem to be incapable of thinking critically on this subject cheeky fucker!!!!

I would reply
“And you seem to be incapable of recognising when your so called ‘critical thinking’ has tipped over into paranoia and delusions. Sending 69 emails to my mother in such a short space of time constitutes harrassment & if you do not stop, I will be forced to involve the police. For the sake of our friendship of many years, please do seek help for your mental health but do not contact me again on this or any other topic”

I would send one last message to tell him neither your mother or you will be responding to him as the level of emails he has sent constitutes harassment, and your mother has blocked him as she doesn’t wish to correspond on the matter.

I enjoy a good conspiracy theory and so am perhaps well placed to advise on this guys behaviour from a different place. As someone who is fairly open to this sort of stuff, I can still say with absolute confidence that he has crossed a line and his actions are totally unacceptable. He can believe what he likes, but repeatedly bombarding people with emails in a short space of time and demanding a response from you or your mum is harassment, plain and simple.
He also sounds like he may be mentally unwell.

I think the certainty of conspiracy theories is soothing during what is a difficult time. People who don't accept his views will be threatening his worldview - and his serenity - which will be making him agitated and desperate to 'make it right' by getting you to agree with him.

I'd say he's probably experiencing some anxiety and or depression, and would be interested to know if he smokes skunk/weed as this can really fuel this sort of behaviour.

The fact is, even if someone is experiencing mental health issues, that doesn't give them the right to behave unacceptably and harass others with no consequences. You need to explain that if he doesn't immediately stop, you'll sadly have no choice but to stop engaging with him. And then follow through
It sucks to lose a friend, but he's way over the line here.

You said he has recently separated from his partner and you've never seen this type of behaviour before. It sounds to me like he is having some form of breakdown and needs professional help. I would at least suggest this to him before terminating the friendship. No one who is functioning ''normally' would think that 69 emails in under 24 hours is acceptable.

You say you are very good friends. What's his mental health like generally?

Id just stop responding until he gets the message. If it continues tomorrow then block him. You don't need to offer an explanation.

Do you know any of his family to the extent you could ring them and tell them he is harassing your mother and needs to stop?

He sounds quite unwell.

My ex was a bit like this - he had a bit of a mental breakdown after some terrible therapy after the death of his father. He became obsessed with conspiracies, and felt it was his place to educate everyone - he suddenly became really interested in the Royal family, and had numerous theories about each of them. He felt that if people could just open their eyes like he had done, then we would all be so much more enlightened. It was suffocating.

He was never diagnosed, but this with loads of other symptoms made me think he had some kind of mania - like bi-polar, without the depression. If I suggested that he might have a problem, he would always turn it around on me, and say it was ME with the problem.

I have no words of advice, but it does sound like some sort of mental issue, especially if it is only a recent thing.

I have a relative like this. He is not much fun. I listen to the rubbish and just SMILE because I love him.

Best advice is not to offer up a response to any of it.

I’d go with @CoraPirbright’s reply.

It could be that he’s in a manic phase of bipolar disorder, in which case he needs medical help. You could phone 111 for advice, they will help if they think he’s in crisis.

@Brot64
Oh gawd...?His ''Critical thinking '' message is just going round in circles and is quite provocative..

He doesn't sound mentally well at the moment.

So many sheeple get sucked into conspiracy theories..

Bombarding your mother is beyond the pale.

I'm glad she isn't getting involved.

I do know his parents, and could get in touch with them however, they do not exactly get on. Why has always been a mystery to me. The separation is a different story, he simply wouldn't speak about it. This happened about a month ago and aside from telling me (when the madness started), that I should not communicate with his ex in any form, he hasn't said anything else about it. The ex was also a friend and I have checked up on her without intruding on their separation. I do not think he is aware of this communication as he has not said anything.

As for stoner, not to my knowledge, he is a very active person, we use to all run together most mornings him with ex and I with DH. Due to lockdown I haven't seen him for a while. The covid related theories started slowly as a normal discussion and have now just escalated. My mother is in a different country so doubt the threats of police will work for him. He has not responded since my last message about dropping the topic. It is a shame as we have been friends for a very long time, and it was a good friendship until this. But I simply cannot recognise him now, it's almost as if it's a new person. Anymore messages on the topic and I will have to block him although I am also worried about his mental state.

Could you contact his parents to let them know you are worried, as he does sound very very unwell. I would also block him though, as you don't have to put up with what he's doing. I would probably send a cease-and-desist type message first, in case he carries on and you need to get the police involved

Sorry, I posted that before I saw what you just posted

He's harassing you and your mother

Block him

Please tell him you're concerned that his behaviour is excessive, that you think it could be a reaction to his separation and gently suggest he seeks medical help. Refuse to discuss anything else with him.

I think he's Ill, does he have family who you can contact? You may have to block him but please try to get him help first.

I think you need to take a step back from him. He does sound unwell and may be having some sort of a breakdown. It’s not on to send your dm that many messages, even if her address is public. That’s harassment. He seems fixated on conspiracies and, in my experience, when people become this fixated on something, it never leads to anything good.

Is there anyone in his family you can reach out to? He needs help.

Theres nothing wrong with their views and being different. But I had the same with a friend. In the end I blocked her messages as it was too much.

He sounds really unwell.

I’d say-
Listen xx. You’ve sent over 60 emails to my mum in less than 12 hours. That’s unacceptable. Use your critical thinking to assess the level of harassment you are levelling on her. We can’t critically engage with your numerous emails as we both steadfastly decline to respond. And you’re not respecting that. Why not?
So no more articles, emails, “discussions” on this. It is my right and my mother’s to, to set clear boundaries without entering into a discussion with you. Respect that.

Sounds like he is having some kind of breakdown.

Wow, not only is he a loony conspiracy theorist, he's also massively insulting. I would be tempted to tell him he is the one who is obviously incapable of applying critical thinking to the subject. But that would probably just fuel the fire.

I think both you and your mother have handled the situation perfectly. She refuses to engage, which is appropriate since she's not a friend of his and has no reason to respond to 69 (!) unhinged emails. I admire her restraint. And your last message to him was perfect as well, because you have a close relationship that you would like to continue if he can recognise that he needs to back off.

Good luck. What a tricky situation.

@Brot64
It is worrying, especially as you have been friends for a long time.
Oddly enough, a family member has been acting very uncharacteristically over the last two months...

Not conspiracy theories, but being quite aggressive at times in messages...

I think the Covid crisis has affected people in different ways.

I'd not 'block' as such, especially if you think his mental health may be fragile... Our relative too , has changed..

Could it be severe stress?

Your mother had the right idea by not responding at all, and your attempt at being nice has backfired - you shouldn't have responded on her behalf.