I think he gets called ugly

[shesgrownhorns]

Ds (12) is going into year 8 at high school. He says he enjoys it but I am really worried about him. He's chubby, wears strong glasses and there's no denying that his ears stick out. I know that he gets called names at school, he's made the occasional remark (she calls me Mickey Mouse) being an example. He's not complaining or appearing to be upset by this, just mentions it in passing but he shrugs it off saying he doesn't care when I ask him about it. This morning dd (11) and him were bickering and dd said 'have you looked in the mirror recently' . I told her to apologise for this and he said 'it's ok, it happens often.' He said this in a quiet but matter of fact way. My heart went out to him. I don't know what to do to for the best - do I talk to him gently and ask if he's being called names persistently? My fear is that in doing that I look like I am assuming that people do actually view him as ugly. Another option is to ignore and laugh off, but is this making too much light of it? I cannot possibly believe that he is not hurt by this even though he shrugs things off. AIBU to be worried sick?

I did without a lot of things in order to have my daughter’s extremely thick glasses thinned down as much as possible. You can do more physical activities as a family too, a dog is very useful for this and a family expectation that you all go for a walk after dinner maybe? Make some new habits re food/portions? I don’t know about ears, maybe talk to gp about options and discuss it matter of factly. We do our teens a disservice when we don’t try to help emotionally and physically and practically. I do understand how tricky it can feel, you don’t want to make your child feel worse, but it is our job to help as much as possible.

Not RTFT but I was very ugly as a teenager, the school photographer actually recoiled when it was my turn and the resulting photograph (why my mum bought it I do not know) has been hidden.

I am angry that no-one helped me more, I looked terrible but it was so easily fixed with a skin care routine and a good haircut (and corrective jaw surgery but that actually wasn't my main issue with my appearance) so if you can gently help your DS then you should.

Re: ear-pinning - If he had crooked teeth, would you be agonising about braces? Contact lenses could be presented as a grown-up option now he's old enough to manage them.

I don’t see the issue of getting his ears pinned back just because it’s cosmetic. I do not know a teenager who has not had orthodontics and many primarily for cosmetic reasons only.

My own glasses are thinned and DC’s are too. DC’s are still thick because of a high prescription but would be very very thick without being thinned.

The weight issue can be dealt with as a family and eating healthy food. One of my DC’s refuses to eat veg and would live on carbs if allowed and I am often at a loss when it comes to meals as there is a flat refusal to eat anything else. I know it is hard.