Sexual language from teenage daughter to boys

[Upsidedownrightnow]

My daughter has just turned 13, I took away her phone and ipad recently as she was having conversations with a boy which were very inappropriate.

She had a brick phone after that which I have also taken away as she was messaging this boy again.

I had an old phone lying around and she has recently been using it to play music she said. I was abit suspicious and tried checking the phone to see if she has had any apps to message on and I didn't see any.

Tonight I caught her messaging on ticktock on the phone she said she was using to play music.

I have tried explaining calmly that she should not speaking like that etc, but she is being sneaky and finding ways to message this boy.

She is far too young to have sexual conversations and I am not sure what to do to stop her.

When I try to speak to her about it she is also quite rude, if my parents found out i was talking this way I wouldn't have been rude I would have been so embarrassed and worried my dad would kill me.

This now means she cannot go out with friends as she can't be trusted, I can't even leave her alone to do work on my laptop as I am sure she has a way to message this boy on there too.

The language is just so inappropriate and I am trying to teach her about self respect and getting no where. What can I do?

@JBizz

@crosstalk also even if it was a 60 year old being interested in a 13 year old it's not pedophilia
So what is it as it’s illegal to have sex with a CHILD under 16 your projecting your feelings or fantasies if you think it’s fine for you to have sex with a 13 year old child when your 60

@Meangallery
Out of interest how old are you?

@JBizz
If you were sexually attacked and groomed as a teenager that’s horrific but it’s not a normal experience so I think you are projecting. Most 13 year olds of course can have sexual feelings due to hormones but most know not to send sexually explicit messages to peers.
Plus I’m not sure which police force encourages you to tell teens that your experience is normal it’s really not.

@JBizz
How old are your children?

So your Dd has no contact with her peers at all apart from this boy and hasn’t been to school (ergo mixing with children her age) presumably for almost 5 months.

Now you have just cut her only opportunity to contact children her own age. I get she isn’t doing so apart from this one boy. But I don’t think what you’ve done is the way to go by any stretch of the imagination.

Are you not concerned she at risk of becoming depressed?

@Vodkacranberryplease

I'm sorry this sounds like grooming to me. Who is this boy? I would be looking to move away/remove her from the situation and get her specific support. It's not just this boy if he's involving others and I'm guessing that he will want pictures/sex very soon.

I think a visit to his parents is in order too, they may well be shocked and horrified by this. If he even is a boy and not an adult paedophile.

FFS read the thread. It is a 13 year old boy. The OP knows who he is. This is not grooming it is 2 teenagers who are doing what teenagers do, talking about sex. Some people on here are deluded about what their kids get up to and what they talk about. This is normal at their age.

Hi OP. I don't have children myself so my advice is entirely based on having once been a 13 year old girl so might not be helpful.

I remember being that age and coming out with all sort of stuff to sound "cool" and grown up. I wanted to impress boys. I didn't even know what a blow job was but the phrase would be batted around amongst us girls. It's all learned behaviour driven by peers. Everyone was so obsessed with sex because we weren't doing it. I definitely used sexual language with boys (and vice versa) but had no intention of actually doing anything and didn't until I was 17.

My advice would be to have an open discussion with your daughter about sex. Explain what the terms are (she might not even know what squirting is tbh and I'm sure the boy hasn't a clue)

It sounds like she needs some good old fashioned sex education.

As I said, I don't have children so feel free to ignore everything I have to say lol. However having been in the same situation as your daughter when I was younger, I can tell you that banning her from messaging the boy won't make her unlearn the terminology and find other ways to use it.

Oh the classic "my daughter isn't doing exactly as I want, so now I will ban her from everything and stop her seeing her friends"

Good luck with that OP, good luck.

@Upsidedownrightnow I do understand how you feel but I do think alot off teenagers have this kind off banter on social media.
I know 13 is young and the sneaking about is annoying.
When my dd1 had first bf she was 15 he was 13 going on 14 and he messaged her and said what makes you horny she was totally innocent and asked me what it was.
I was on my way to mass and nearly choked. I tried to explain it to her
Another day he messaged about a bj well when she asked what that meant that bf didn't last long.
The most of it is just chat.
Its better to let her talk with someone you know is her age than maybe someone older but tell her you will be checking her phone
My dd is older now so I have seen a few idiots pass through.

I’m asking your age because you seem incredibly invested in children having or talking about sex

I think everything you are doing OP will have the exact opposite effect of what you want, forbidden is always most interesting. So you are just pushing your daughter into finding more sneaky ways to contact the boy, and you are making it more likely she will act about her hormones. You absolutely should give your DD some sex education. The vat is out the bag, she is already interested and talking about it, so you can't force her to drop the topic until she is 16....😂 With some proper communication and information, you can make her see why she is too young to get involved in sex. As a PP said, Netherlands has amazing stats on low teenage pregnancy and higher age of people having sex for the first time, and that's purely because of the amazing sex education they provide at schools.

You may think your DD is too young, and yes she is too young to have sex of course, but she is already talking about it, so it's your responsibility as a parent to talk to her and not shame her telling her she is not a lady cause she talks like that. Like wtaf? That can have a very damaging effect on her sexuality for the rest of her life??

@Temp123999

I’m asking your age because you seem incredibly invested in children having or talking about sex

If you think I am not genuine report me to MN!

The DM reported what the police do with children involved in this sort of thing.How do you know talk is not going to turn into images ?
If you want to know where this leads,read the Family and Friends forum on the "stopitnow" website.

petingo that is the point so many of us are trying to make - that by banning frank talk about sex, by telling a young teen that they are not allowed to have those feelings and thoughts because it is 'not ladylike' and 'not appropriate', you are going to make them more likely to engage in risky behaviour!

There is research showing that abstinence-only sex ed leads to higher rates of pregnancy and STD infection and doesn't delay sexual activity much. However, when that sexual activity does happen, it is generally less safe than in young people who have had solid, healthy sex ed.

The whole point about being open and honest about sex and admitting that teenagers have sexual feelings is to teach them to make safe and healthy choices. OP's course of action will achieve the opposite of that. No-one here wants 13 year olds to run around having sex. We want them educated and empowered to make good choices.